2 ms·

It's very easy for men to fall into the mode of "us guys have it really tough because women are scared of men because of a few bad apples. But I'm a nice guy![1

It's very easy for men to fall into the mode of "us guys have it really tough because women are scared of men because of a few bad apples. But I'm a nice guy![1]" Even the article states that it's tough for guys. From a certain perspective it is true: if rape wasn't a thing, we would all live happier and sexier lives, and women in the dating pool would have more freedom to take more chances. But that line of reasoning is false: women have it tougher, because rape and sexual assault are objectively worse than simple rejection. Additionally, as my ex likes to say "the odds are good, but the goods are odd." If you are a man who uses Tinder or Bumble and aren't getting many matches, do a little experiment. Find a female friend and ask to do some swiping with her. You'll get a buttload of matches right away. Message them all with something simple like "hi" or "cute dog". See how long it takes before he is asking if you want him to put cannoli filling in your ass and then squirt it into his mouth (real thing, I wish I had saved the screenshots). In that barrage of bullshit, you can still find a few decent sounding people. Of those, you have to screen them for whether they are actually decent humans or sociopaths. Oh and "dating fatigue" sets in really early too. After a dozen matches all say "you DTF?" in the first 2-3 messages, why even bother going back? So guess what? The rate of finding a good match is just about the same for women as it is for men. To be clear, I'm not disagreeing with the statistics in the article. Just the language and some of the conclusions. [1] https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/ https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
stared 9y ago
So, in you opinion, which things should I have phrased differently? I think everyone agrees that rape is worse than rejection. For messages - well, I cover this "false positive" stuff.
- IgorPartola 9y ago
  I would say that “guys have it tough” is the wrong way to phrase it. I’d say that as women tend to be more careful in selecting who they engage with. Your reasoning as to why is actually quite good, but it’s not that men have it tougher. It’s that women are more careful. Maybe “women have to be more selective” is a good heading for that section. As a anecdote, I have a friend who will go on a date with literally anyone. If they talk to him, he will do whatever it takes to see them, even if they are not his type, by whatever definition. Women rarely engage in this behavior. That doesn’t mean men have it tough, just that the threat to him is much lower than to a woman in an equivalent situation. Studying non-hetero dating is also a fun comparison, as it highlights a lot of the heteronormative behavior lots of people take for granted.
pm90 9y ago
Completely agree that women have it a lot worse. And this is excluding the gender discrimination that women face at the workplace etc. Its really frightening to think of how much fear women face regularly, just in their daily life. From actual stalkers, to being wary of shady streets at night, being careful when walking alone, going for a run at odd hours etc. Not to mention all the unwanted attention when all they want is to be left alone. And many men not taking no for an answer. It took me some time to really internalize this and come to appreciate women's difficulties with these things, since I didn't have much personal experience to relate to because I'm a guy.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

stared 9y ago

So, in you opinion, which things should I have phrased differently? I think everyone agrees that rape is worse than rejection. For messages - well, I cover this "false positive" stuff.

IgorPartola 9y ago
I would say that “guys have it tough” is the wrong way to phrase it. I’d say that as women tend to be more careful in selecting who they engage with. Your reasoning as to why is actually quite good, but it’s not that men have it tougher. It’s that women are more careful. Maybe “women have to be more selective” is a good heading for that section. As a anecdote, I have a friend who will go on a date with literally anyone. If they talk to him, he will do whatever it takes to see them, even if they are not his type, by whatever definition. Women rarely engage in this behavior. That doesn’t mean men have it tough, just that the threat to him is much lower than to a woman in an equivalent situation. Studying non-hetero dating is also a fun comparison, as it highlights a lot of the heteronormative behavior lots of people take for granted.

pm90 9y ago

Completely agree that women have it a lot worse. And this is excluding the gender discrimination that women face at the workplace etc. Its really frightening to think of how much fear women face regularly, just in their daily life. From actual stalkers, to being wary of shady streets at night, being careful when walking alone, going for a run at odd hours etc. Not to mention all the unwanted attention when all they want is to be left alone. And many men not taking no for an answer. It took me some time to really internalize this and come to appreciate women's difficulties with these things, since I didn't have much personal experience to relate to because I'm a guy.