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A therapist’s guide to staying productive when depressed or heartbroken
- nxsynonym 9y agoAs someone who has major "on" and "off" period swings of productivity due to depression, this list is pretty on the mark. One thing I would add, which I've seen around here and other places, is the "no zero days" rule. Do at least one thing everyday to work towards your goal. Not only does this help instill discipline, it helps you prevent the snowball effect of having a bad day.
- graphitezepp 9y ago"No zero days" is a general lifestyle principle I am so sold on that I believe it should promoted to everyone to the degree where signal fatigue becomes a concern.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- lawn 9y agoI agree about the "no zero days" rule. The thing is to establish a habit and it will become natural. It's almost like you'll close off to outside input when you follow your habits. Even if it's not directly related to depression I highly recommend "The Power of Habit". Establishing habits I in advance know is good for me helped my when I go through my unproductive and depressed periods. Focus on establishing one habit and doing it every day. When you've gone 21 days straight start with a new habit.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- dualogy 9y agoI absolutely need zero days rougly ever 8-10 days of full-time brain work. Nothing recuperates my fried circuits better than the occasional single day with absolutely no agenda and not even the tiniest of goals, the rare day of anything goes, nothing must. Motivation drive and interest comes back so swiftly and with such vengeance on the next morning, I doubt there's anything that remotely compares. Guess that's what this whole "weekend" notion was all about in the first place! =)
- metaphorm 9y agoNo zero days is such good advice. Even a small, but concrete, goal to accomplish every day makes a huge difference. It requires self-compassion to set appropriate goals that match what we're capable of in the middle of a low period though.
- alexibm 9y agoI am 35M terribly heartbroken after my most important relationship for which I had great hopes, ended in a complete disaster almost 10 months ago. Person I loved the most, cheated one, shitted on me, got engaged to guy, sent me pictures of her/dude + wedding band on OUR anniversary day, told me that she will name a dog after child we were planning to have, got dumped in 6 months, because he didn't want to have her 10 YO son and came back without apologies, and when I refused to take her back, she went to Switzerland police and got restraining order against me ... just to shit on me more. So, I am banned from entering Switzerland.(I live in US) To be honest, I followed a lot of things on this list, but it still doesn't help. To this day, my productivity is shit. Somehow, I accomplish things being asked of me, but I feel like empty shell of former me walking around. Have to admit, alcohol helps me a lot.
- blowski 9y agoBeing broken-hearted for that long must be really painful for you.
- frandroid 9y ago> Somehow, I accomplish things being asked of me So you could pair with someone who will drive you around for a while. It could be a friend or someone you hire. Esp. important if you're a freelancer...
- rcfox 9y ago> Have to admit, alcohol helps me a lot. Helps productivity, or helps not feeling bad?
- castis 9y agoI'm not going to claim to speak for OP but having been in a similar situation, alcohol helps muffle the emotions. The amount of alcohol required increases with time, so productivity continues downward at an ever growing pace.
- alexibm 9y agoOP here. It helps to kill emotions, they become distant background noise while alcohol is effective. After a while, you have to keep-up with intake, in order to be in this state all the time.
- dogruck 9y agoIf you're actually depressed, go see a professional.
- phoe-krk 9y agoSeeing a professional is not an all-in-one solution. Often small tricks like that mean the difference between having something done and not having it done.
- dogruck 9y agoI think of depression as the big D Depression, which is a medical illness. A doctor is required. But sure, if you're just bummed out by life's latest trial, then reach into the standard bag of little tricks.
- phoe-krk 9y agoWhat I meant was, the big D Depression requires medical treatment, that's correct. But medical treatment won't solve everything.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- asteli 9y agohave you had to do this? there's a catch-22 here in that depression makes it way harder to invest the time in finding professional help.
- heartbroken20yo 9y agoAs a relatively young entrepreneur that fell in love a year ago, and then had the relationship fall apart a few months ago, I found falling in and out of love to destroy my productivity. I was in a multi month rut that I only crawled out of through therapy and understanding how to actually care about myself. As much as I know that I'd be better at handling the situation after having experience now, the sheer awfulness of having to run a business while feeling heartbroken turns me off from wanting another relationship. I guess I understand now why so many entrepreneurs I know have messy love lives.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- anigbrowl 9y agoIt's not so much that you're not productive when depressed, as the awareness that achievement in other spheres of activity are not actually all that satisfying absent a nurturing relationship - also a problem for many lottery winners who find themselves trying and failing to consume happiness. I'm sorry that happened but you shouldn't treat it as an insurmountable problem. If you're just 20, your body isn't even completely done growing and you're also relatively inexperienced in dealing with intense emotions. You'll always bear the scars of the pain you felt from this relationship breaking up, and have regrets about whatever parts of it were caused by you, but you can and will heal. Being willing to accept help through therapy and reassess yourself means you're already a long way towards that. Be careful of the hesitancy to get into another relationship - a natural doubt, but one that can stiffen into a 'reaction-formation' is taken too far. It's certainly tempting (especially when you're younger) to just date casually for social and sexual companionship, but if you systematically avoid relationships then undertaking and sustaining new ones will be more difficult, and as you get older the frustrations and loneliness that can result will weigh increasingly heavy and result in bitterness. It may help to think of relating to others as a skill to be developed and continuously improved rather than as an achievement to be unlocked (which is way overstressed in media and marketing). A pet animal can help a lot with that. The obligations involved impose a sort of emotional discipline on you, but the rewards are unbounded as animals are generous with their affections. If you end up with a dog it will also improve your social life - people are well-disposed to the owner of a happy dog, and it also makes small talk much easier.
- costcopizza 9y agoHere's a suggestion not often mentioned, volunteering. Depression is an extremely narcissistic condition, being stuck in your mind with countless loops of thoughts about you that are unrealistically negative. Volunteering can put a little crack in that. Of course if you're depressed to the point where leaving the bed isn't an option, that suggestion is moot.
- depressionsucks 9y agoI guess you have never had depression then. This is the kind of comment that only makes depressed people feel worse. It's like saying to a depressed person, come on just cheer up. Criticism or kicking someone when they are down with depression like you just did is unwarranted, mean and dangerous.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- drewmol 9y agoI don't think that was costcopizza's intention. As someone who has struggled with severe depression for a long time, I can attest to his suggestion being helpful. It can be incredibly difficult to do, but obligating myself to various volunteer opportunities (usually by making the commitment during rather well feeling day/moment/episode) has helped immensely. For me it helps to take my mind off my own problems, and even if only temporary, it's usually helpful.
- depressionsucks 9y agoMy critique wasn't on the volunteering aspect, I agree that's helpful, it was on calling depressed people narcissistic.
- drewmol 9y agoAfter seeing the reactions to his comment, I felt it would be helpful to emphasize both: the possible benifits of his suggestion, and that I don't think he intended to be critical of depressed people or kick them while they're down. By calling depression "a narcissistic condition", many people seemed to be viewing it that way. Thanks for the reply.
- rkunnamp 9y agoStuff that helped me - Staying near or staying along with your closest ones - Sleep and Exercise - Some ayurvedic pills that is known to relieve stress and help sleep ("Ashwagandha" to be specific. I wont say it is a magic pill, but when I take it , I used to get a deep sleep)
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- faitswulff 9y agoSometimes the most productive thing you can do is heal.
- colechristensen 9y agoThis misses the mark as I see it because it doesn't emphasize the three most important things to helping depression: Bright light, sleep, and exercise. Light: get bright light to wake you up, experience bright light during the day (preferably sunlight), if you're having trouble sleeping, disconnect from any screens at least an hour before a scheduled time to sleep. Don't set up yourself in a dark closed-window living environment. Sleep: ahead of time, schedule times when you should be asleep and awake, always be trying to keep to this schedule. Stay out of the bedroom outside of these hours. Exercise: whether it's walking around the block, going to the gym, or hiking up a mountain, do what you can to exert yourself every day. It helps with the light and the sleep. These three things won't fix your problems but they will make everything better even if you can only improve them a little.
- QAPereo 9y agoI’d just add proper diet... nothing extreme, just enough/not too many calories, and the micronutrients needed. Avoiding caffeine and loads of sugar can help with mood and especially anxiety as well, but nothing matters as much as not starving because you don’t feel hungry.
- depressionsucks 9y agoNeither of you guys have had clinical depression. just because everyone gets the blues sometimes doesn't mean they understand someone with genuine depression. keep your platitudes to yourself.
- colechristensen 9y agoKeep your assumptions to yourself, especially if you won't the time to add anything to the discussion. The advice I gave is more or less paraphrased from advice I got from a medical professional as well as first and second hand experience. I was very straightforward when I said taking care of yourself is not the ultimate solution, but it does help significantly, and more importantly not taking care of yourself amplifies the condition. The people I've known who have had the biggest problems with mental illness were the ones who wore their diagnoses like a badge and used these sorts of 'no true Scotsman' arguments to isolate themselves. To put a finer point on it, if you want evidence behind my "platitudes" mountains of scientific literature can be found reinforcing the benefits of sleep, light, and exercise and their effects on depression.
- arca_vorago 9y agoI can say that as a combat vet with under control ptsd I just want to say these are good basic conversation points but I highly encourage people to attempt cognitive emotional behavioral therapy (CEBT/CBT), especially for people who dislike therapists and want to work throught their own shit. Once the science finally made it's way to practice, I have seen many fellow combat vets who responded poorly to other treatments make amazing progress under CBT/CEBT. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy Drugs: Fuck that seratonin zombie bullshit! Try smoking some cannabis instead of drinking next time. I personally also have this theory that ayahuasca can cause ego-busting outlook shifts for people with everything from alcoholism to ptsd, but there hasn't been enought science done on the subject yet and I can't speak anecdotally because I haven't been able to afford the trip down to Peru. Other drugs with potential positive effects on ptsd/anxiety/depression are MDMA, peyote, morning glory, and salvia divinorum. Of course do your own research and consult a doc if you intend do any of this. It's a crime that so many potential medicines are illegal.
- whiddershins 9y agoI have an n=1 that mushrooms + heartbreak is a terrible idea, with the potential for permanent personality alterations. I appreciate your general message though.
- arca_vorago 9y agoThat is why I didn't mention mushrooms (psilocybin). There have been far too many long-term side-effect stories for me to consider it, along with similar substances such as LSD.
- cyberpunk0 9y agoSet and setting.
- naasking 9y agoMDMA and ketamine are employed in the UK for extreme depression and PTSD, IIRC.
- marojejian 9y agoAn essential element to resilience is to have a strong support group, ideally friends, or people who are going through a similar thing. In that vein - shameless plug: I've been working on a service (www.campfire.care) to build peer support groups for any focus. Groups of 5-10 people with the same issue meet regularly via video and stay connected via chat. The idea is that we are fundamentally social creatures, and struggling with a challenge alone is unhealthy. It is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. But peer support can be effective + inexpensive. And being part of a true peer group can provide a kind of value that professional mental health can't. You can't be friends with you therapist, and their job is not to truly empathize with you. Would love any thoughts / feedback!
- DanBC 9y agoYou might be interested in the Q Community's work on peer support: https://q.health.org.uk/q-improvement-lab/lab-1-peer-support-available/ https://q.health.org.uk/q-improvement-lab/lab-1-peer-support...
- marojejian 9y agoThanks! I will check this out.