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Do you expect parents to earn the obedience of their young children? They are the receiver in this instance.

by yock 9y ago

musage 9y ago
Parents don't really have to do anything special to earn the trust of their children most of the time. And the point of raising a child should be to raise a person, not a child. Yes, when a kid runs into the street you just grab it by the arm and then explain why it shouldn't run into the street, but all that is more like the the set of exceptions that confirm the rule.
mikeash 9y ago
A lot of parental obedience is earned just by virtue of being the parent. Beyond that, expecting your child to obey just because they're supposed to be obedient is not a particularly productive attitude.
IgorPartola 9y ago
Yes. My kids may love me and trust me more than other people do, but getting them to do a thing takes work. You can also do it through coercion, threats, or violence, but that... tends to fuck kids up.
linkregister 9y ago
Yes! Children, developmentally challenged ones excluded, inherently trust parents who have given them adequate nurturing. Emotional outbursts, challenges to authority, and disrespectful behavior will happen as they become able to move around. The parent should be patient with, but not reward, uncontrollable emotional outbursts. Challenges to authority or dangerous activities (e.g., running into traffic) should be met with firm, kind correction (move the child away from danger, say "no" to hitting and hold the hands, etc.). To influence children to perform an action, leverage and bargaining is effective. It is through this slow, persistent grinding of wills that teach children how to behave. Meanwhile, allowing as much autonomy from the child as is possible / practical allows the child to blossom, while reading and sharing in activities inspires the child and builds trust and affection. I firmly believe that obedience is earned in some way or another: through fear of retribution, or through the trust and desire to please / aversion to disappoint. It is apparent later in life which children were raised in the latter manner: they, in general, have good relationships with their parents; authoritarian parents have a harder time developing relationships and getting much-needed support from their adult children. I didn't mention neglectful parenting, which will often produce worse outcomes than authoritarian parenting: crime, emotional instability, etc.

Do you expect parents to earn the obedience of their young children? They are the receiver in this instance.

by yock 9y ago

Do you expect parents to earn the obedience of their young children? They are the receiver in this instance.

Parents don't really have to do anything special to earn the trust of their children most of the time. And the point of raising a child should be to raise a person, not a child. Yes, when a kid runs into the street you just grab it by the arm and then explain why it shouldn't run into the street, but all that is more like the the set of exceptions that confirm the rule.

mikeash 9y ago

A lot of parental obedience is earned just by virtue of being the parent. Beyond that, expecting your child to obey just because they're supposed to be obedient is not a particularly productive attitude.

IgorPartola 9y ago

Yes. My kids may love me and trust me more than other people do, but getting them to do a thing takes work. You can also do it through coercion, threats, or violence, but that... tends to fuck kids up.

linkregister 9y ago

Yes! Children, developmentally challenged ones excluded, inherently trust parents who have given them adequate nurturing. Emotional outbursts, challenges to authority, and disrespectful behavior will happen as they become able to move around. The parent should be patient with, but not reward, uncontrollable emotional outbursts. Challenges to authority or dangerous activities (e.g., running into traffic) should be met with firm, kind correction (move the child away from danger, say "no" to hitting and hold the hands, etc.). To influence children to perform an action, leverage and bargaining is effective. It is through this slow, persistent grinding of wills that teach children how to behave. Meanwhile, allowing as much autonomy from the child as is possible / practical allows the child to blossom, while reading and sharing in activities inspires the child and builds trust and affection. I firmly believe that obedience is earned in some way or another: through fear of retribution, or through the trust and desire to please / aversion to disappoint. It is apparent later in life which children were raised in the latter manner: they, in general, have good relationships with their parents; authoritarian parents have a harder time developing relationships and getting much-needed support from their adult children. I didn't mention neglectful parenting, which will often produce worse outcomes than authoritarian parenting: crime, emotional instability, etc.