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I think you missed the point. Yes, she wanted a house cleaning service. But that’s not the gift she wanted. The gift she wanted was for her husband to magically
by CodeWriter23 9y ago
I think you missed the point. Yes, she wanted a house cleaning service. But that’s not the gift she wanted. The gift she wanted was for her husband to magically divine that she wanted him to use her emotionally-laden approach (seeking recommendations via social) to solving the problem of hiring the service instead of his pragmatic approach of identifying the cost of the service, which he then used his prior training as a magical diviner of her expectations to arrive at the conclusion she wouldn’t budget for it. Perhaps incorrectly. But that’s the problem with expecting your spouse to be a mind reader, they will try to do it, often to an undesirable result.
While I get the idea that my wife allows certain things to drag her down emotionally, and the solution is to step up and surprise her by taking care of things (and recognizing her contribution to the drudgery), what I see in this article is much different. I see a narcissist who expects others to read her mind, and a codependent husband whom she declares as inept and sees no problem at all pillorying him in Vanity Fair. And a bit of dishonesty too. She claims she doesn’t want to micromanage her husband yet is obviously displeased because he chose a pragmatic approach to her gift as opposed to doing it her way.
PS my wife’s solution to this problem. She asked. Not to do the dishes or clean the toilets. She asked me to take care of some things that concern her, without her having to ask me. Things I would normally “step around” because they’re not priority for me.
- emodendroket 9y agoIt seems to me that she felt like his attempt to do the task was pretty half-hearted.
- CodeWriter23 9y agoExpectations are an opportunity for disappointment.
- emodendroket 9y agoI mean think about it. If you were tasked at your job with evaluating venders, would you talk to just one, and then tell your boss it couldn't be done within the budget? Probably not.
- CodeWriter23 9y agoIf I got one bid that was kinda high, and I knew I could do it myself in an hour, I would just do it. Because hiring a vendor would mean I would spend an hour dealing with them, then have to pay them on top of that. That's the "emotional" component the wife wanted to be freed from. So bottom line, she's pissed that he didn't go down the road of emotional drudgery like she would have chosen for herself and just did the job instead.
- emodendroket 9y agoYes, because then she's left running around watching the kids and taking care of everything else while he does that (which totally defeats the point because what she wanted was a rest) and he's only provided a one-time "solution." The article kind of goes off the rails after that but this complaint seems both fair and easy to understand.
- jdmulloy 9y agoShe seems like the sort of person who is very particular about the way things are done, and if you don't do them that way she'll be upset. He probably knew he was setup for failure, since she knows exactly what she wants, but won't tell him. He is definitely too passive, but she has probably inadvertently trained him to not do things without permission, because when he's tried she's been upset because he did something she didn't want. She wants him to take initiative, but he's probably gotten in trouble for initiative in the past.