5 ms·

If the goal of this article is to validate frustrated wives, maybe it has succeeded. But if conversely, it was aiming at making a compelling case to men I don't

If the goal of this article is to validate frustrated wives, maybe it has succeeded. But if conversely, it was aiming at making a compelling case to men I don't think it has. I for one feel stereotyped and vilified (and I also feel at risk of being criticized for even admitting my own feelings). What I'd recommend the author do is- 1. Reflect on her feelings. What does she really want, what is it really about / a symbol for (cleaning/initiative = caring?) ? Also understand any accumulated frustrations that may be coloring things. 2. Try to understand her husband's feelings, as well as any of his accumulated frustrations. 3. Ask him and make sure you understand his feelings. To do this, you need to be able to listen without judging what he has to say, even if it's hurtful. Once he feels understood, you'll be half-way there. 4. Talk to him about your feelings (does he not notice, not care, or something else). If he's uncomfortable talking about this, that's another thing you can't ignore and steamroll over, but should investigate gently. Hopefully he can understand your feelings without judging either. 5. All 4 steps above depend crucially on sincerity, good-fath, a sense of humor, and tact. As an aside, I'd never consider publishing a criticism of my relationship online (nor would I use an anecdote as the basis for a gender-criticism), unless I had talked it over with my partner first and they read the whole thing. Of course everybody is free to share their experience, but wouldn't people naturally be hesitant to date somebody who uses intimate challenges as career-fuel?

goptimize 9y ago
"my freelance work had picked up considerably" - she might simply be ready to move on
ZenoArrow 9y ago
> "I for one feel stereotyped and vilified (and I also feel at risk of being criticized for even admitting my own feelings)." If I can ask you a question without you feeling criticised... why do you think you've taken this article personally? It's interesting to me as I don't see anything remotely controversial in the article. It becomes an article for a news site not because it's a novel occurrence, but because it's commonplace and frequently overlooked. Even if it's not an issue in your relationship, can you accept that it happens in other relationships?
- alexandercrohde 9y ago
  If you don't see the subheadding as remotely controversial, I have to wonder if your agenda is advancement of women or advancement of equality. If this piece didn't want to be sexist it could have removed gender entirely from the piece. Why do you think it didn't do that?
  - ZenoArrow 9y ago
    > "If this piece didn't want to be sexist it could have removed gender entirely from the piece." Reference to a cultural phenomenon backed up with statistical evidence is not inherently sexist. If you don't think the issues described are statistically more likely to be experienced by women, even though there's strong evidence to the contrary, what message do you think that sends out?
    - alexandercrohde 9y ago
      What statistical evidence? I think a wide-ranging study on this topic would be interesting. However, I also don't know what the point would be of breaking it down by gender (any more than you'd break it down by race). Wouldn't you be better served to have instead spent that time figuring out how to fix the problem (how do you explain it effectively) rather than whom to blame?
      - ZenoArrow 9y ago
        > "What statistical evidence? I think a wide-ranging study on this topic would be interesting." Here's one study, there are others available online too... https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/09/170926105448.htm https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/09/170926105448.h...
        alexandercrohde 9y ago
        Dude, I can't anymore. I thought this had nothing to do with chores but only "emotionally draining" things. I don't know if I buy the premise there's a difference in which sex is drained more, I don't think you can extend an argument to a whole gender based on a % difference in averages, I don't know if it matters who is drained more, I don't know if the cause is cultural, I don't know the answer is blog posts rather than spouses just telling each other how they feel, I don't buy that this is a pressing problem worthy of my focus (as compared to say, pesticides). I guess I don't know why I engaged with this article anymore, lol. But no worries, you tried to explain it and that sincerity counts for something.

goptimize 9y ago

"my freelance work had picked up considerably" - she might simply be ready to move on

ZenoArrow 9y ago

> "I for one feel stereotyped and vilified (and I also feel at risk of being criticized for even admitting my own feelings)." If I can ask you a question without you feeling criticised... why do you think you've taken this article personally? It's interesting to me as I don't see anything remotely controversial in the article. It becomes an article for a news site not because it's a novel occurrence, but because it's commonplace and frequently overlooked. Even if it's not an issue in your relationship, can you accept that it happens in other relationships?

alexandercrohde 9y ago
If you don't see the subheadding as remotely controversial, I have to wonder if your agenda is advancement of women or advancement of equality. If this piece didn't want to be sexist it could have removed gender entirely from the piece. Why do you think it didn't do that?
- ZenoArrow 9y ago
  > "If this piece didn't want to be sexist it could have removed gender entirely from the piece." Reference to a cultural phenomenon backed up with statistical evidence is not inherently sexist. If you don't think the issues described are statistically more likely to be experienced by women, even though there's strong evidence to the contrary, what message do you think that sends out?
  - alexandercrohde 9y ago
    What statistical evidence? I think a wide-ranging study on this topic would be interesting. However, I also don't know what the point would be of breaking it down by gender (any more than you'd break it down by race). Wouldn't you be better served to have instead spent that time figuring out how to fix the problem (how do you explain it effectively) rather than whom to blame?
    - ZenoArrow 9y ago
      > "What statistical evidence? I think a wide-ranging study on this topic would be interesting." Here's one study, there are others available online too... https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/09/170926105448.htm https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/09/170926105448.h...
      - alexandercrohde 9y ago
        Dude, I can't anymore. I thought this had nothing to do with chores but only "emotionally draining" things. I don't know if I buy the premise there's a difference in which sex is drained more, I don't think you can extend an argument to a whole gender based on a % difference in averages, I don't know if it matters who is drained more, I don't know if the cause is cultural, I don't know the answer is blog posts rather than spouses just telling each other how they feel, I don't buy that this is a pressing problem worthy of my focus (as compared to say, pesticides). I guess I don't know why I engaged with this article anymore, lol. But no worries, you tried to explain it and that sincerity counts for something.