4 ms·

> but if I were the sort of person who wanted a specific gift I would find it annoying to have to justify it, explain what the gift really means to me on a deep

> but if I were the sort of person who wanted a specific gift I would find it annoying to have to justify it, explain what the gift really means to me on a deep level, and so on That's fine if you don't give a shit whether or not you receive the expected gift. But throwing a tantrum after the fact and writing an entire blog post about it is unreasonable. She (they) clearly has deeper problems than not receiving what she wanted. Those problems can't be resolved without communication.

saint_fiasco 9y ago
Right. I have enough self-awareness that I don't bother asking for specific gifts. It all adds up to compromise, knowing your quirks and limitations and not trying too hard to make reality conform to your quirks. However, I think it is not fair to criticize the author for trying to do the right thing. She was wrong at the time to expect her husband to understand without communicating, but then she had a serious talk with him, and now she literally wrote an essay explaining her thoughts. It's like when a boy cleans his room, praising him is the right thing to do, even if you feel a little sexist doing it (because you did not praise his sister for the same thing). You have to tailor the praise and criticism to the individual. Don't be harsh at the kid for not cleaning as well and as often as his sister, and don't be harsh at the author for not communicating early enough.
- rootlocus 9y ago
  > It's like when a boy cleans his room, praising him is the right thing to do, even if you feel a little sexist doing it (because you did not praise his sister for the same thing). Sexism is tricky because it's sometimes unrelated to the problem. I recently saw a small boy in a shop yelling at his sister not to touch him because she played with a dog and her hands were dirty. I'm pretty sure his room is cleaner than hers, and their parents praise her for cleaning her room and not him. Personality traits are sometimes mistook for gender stereotypes and people feel shame for being sexist. Actions should definitely be tailored to the individual, which is not sexist if individuals have different sexes. But it's easier to follow rules and guides (such as ethics and politically correctness) and even easier to mock and shame people who appear to break them.
  - saint_fiasco 9y ago
    I agree with you. What I meant is that the boy should be criticized or praised as an individual, not as a stereotype of his gender or as a comparison to a sibling. This individual author has trouble communicating. As an individual, she wrote an article talking about her feelings. Even though the article is kind of unnecessarily mean, it is progress compared to what she was doing before, which is nothing. That deserves praise.

saint_fiasco 9y ago

Right. I have enough self-awareness that I don't bother asking for specific gifts. It all adds up to compromise, knowing your quirks and limitations and not trying too hard to make reality conform to your quirks. However, I think it is not fair to criticize the author for trying to do the right thing. She was wrong at the time to expect her husband to understand without communicating, but then she had a serious talk with him, and now she literally wrote an essay explaining her thoughts. It's like when a boy cleans his room, praising him is the right thing to do, even if you feel a little sexist doing it (because you did not praise his sister for the same thing). You have to tailor the praise and criticism to the individual. Don't be harsh at the kid for not cleaning as well and as often as his sister, and don't be harsh at the author for not communicating early enough.

rootlocus 9y ago
> It's like when a boy cleans his room, praising him is the right thing to do, even if you feel a little sexist doing it (because you did not praise his sister for the same thing). Sexism is tricky because it's sometimes unrelated to the problem. I recently saw a small boy in a shop yelling at his sister not to touch him because she played with a dog and her hands were dirty. I'm pretty sure his room is cleaner than hers, and their parents praise her for cleaning her room and not him. Personality traits are sometimes mistook for gender stereotypes and people feel shame for being sexist. Actions should definitely be tailored to the individual, which is not sexist if individuals have different sexes. But it's easier to follow rules and guides (such as ethics and politically correctness) and even easier to mock and shame people who appear to break them.
- saint_fiasco 9y ago
  I agree with you. What I meant is that the boy should be criticized or praised as an individual, not as a stereotype of his gender or as a comparison to a sibling. This individual author has trouble communicating. As an individual, she wrote an article talking about her feelings. Even though the article is kind of unnecessarily mean, it is progress compared to what she was doing before, which is nothing. That deserves praise.