I grew up poor. Money scares me. Whenever I buy something, even essentials like groceries, it makes me flushed and dizzy and kinda sick to my stomach. But now t

I grew up poor. Money scares me. Whenever I buy something, even essentials like groceries, it makes me flushed and dizzy and kinda sick to my stomach. But now that I have the means to buy non-essentials, I feel compelled to optimize. Sometimes this is fun, most of the time it is not. When something gets destroyed, my first thought is how much it cost. When I see something that is incredibly expensive but poorly made, it's personally offensive -- like someone, somewhere thinks I'm a sucker. It was easier, in a way, being poor (and, later, homeless). Everything was off limits, so I didn't need to waste any thought on it. There is one silver lining, though. We can do things for our kids that my parents could not do for me, like pay for martial arts lessons, musical instruments, movies and new clothes. Nothing gives me greater pleasure.