3 ms·

How do you deal with any sense of emotional distance from the people around you? If you make a good living but the people around you don't, at some level, you m

How do you deal with any sense of emotional distance from the people around you? If you make a good living but the people around you don't, at some level, you must find yourself unable to identify with their struggles and happinesses.

3131s 9y ago
That's a good question. When I first moved here, like a lot of Westerners I imagined that I would not really be able to relate to many poorer Khmer people because of how enormously different our backgrounds are. While it is true that most older and some younger Khmer people have a story of unimaginable hardship, I would say that a lot of Westerners here (especially those that never actually meet Khmer people or learn the language) have this tendency to think of local people in a way that is too focused on their plight, to the point that it prevents them from recognizing their mutual commonality. It's also important to note that even in my relatively poorer neighborhood, most people are not desperately struggling like you might see in charity advertisements and that sort of thing (but probably do lack a safety net). So while I am extremely sympathetic to and cognizant of how hard many Khmer people work for their living, most of what I see day to day is happy families and people laughing and doing things that are just very normal, for lack of a better word. It's something that I always want to remain aware of, but at the same time it's not what I want to be focused on all the time when I am meeting people. I hope that makes sense. To put it another way, I can't identify with their struggle but regarding happiness, I feel that once our basic needs are met that we're all pretty much the same. I guess that's why I don't feel an emotional distance between myself and the people I meet here, most of the time. I also feel really, really compelled to use the skills that I have to make some money in a reasonably ethical way and more or less give it away to the many friends and acquaintances I have here.
- saimiam 9y ago
  Did the realization that once basic needs are met, we all have a lot in common take a while to come? Did you try to fit your Cambodian neighbors into a narrative that you recognized before accepting them as they are? Sorry for such personal questions. I just returned to India from the US and at some level, I feel I'm trying to live a US lifestyle in India.
  - 3131s 9y ago
    Initially I would not have admitted to anyone or even realized that I was putting people into a 'narrative' but then I think as I noticed other foreigners engaging in that type of thought pattern, I also noticed it to a lesser degree in myself. What helped me get over it was learning the language and really getting to know a few people closely. When you can laugh about the same things, see your own insecurities and fears in someone else, hear their stories about falling in love, and all of those other very fundamental human emotions, for me that really broke down any artificial distance that I had created in my mind. I definitely don't think that because I've superficially lived in the same location for 4 years that somehow my experience is now anything like that of my neighbors, but I do believe now more than ever that despite our totally disparate backgrounds, there is still so much commonality between people all over the world. And of course like anywhere people come in all types, ranging from charming, funny, rude, shy, nerdy, mentally ill, etc. and everything in between. Where in India can I ask? I visited India almost ten years ago now, and I have good memories of Rajasthan, Delhi (except for the crazy pollution!), Mumbai, and especially some smaller cities in Dehradun. The level of poverty in India seemed much more dire than in Cambodia, though I don't know if that's borne out statistically or not -- just my impression. Still, I would love to go back and now I suppose the flight would not be nearly so long.
    - saimiam 9y ago
      I live close (relatively) to Calcutta in the state of Jharkhand. It's far from the glamor of a tourist city in rajasthan. Poverty is still an issue and it may well be worse than Cambodia. The (dis)advantage India has is that economic growth happens organically here. In the 3 weeks I've been back, women entrepreneurs have given me pamphlets for their at-home beauty treatment visits to hand over to my mother. If this were more organized, some VC somewhere would have converted this into a chain of stylists making home visits. Anyway, thanks for the conversation. My personal goal is to see people/myself as they are.

3131s 9y ago

That's a good question. When I first moved here, like a lot of Westerners I imagined that I would not really be able to relate to many poorer Khmer people because of how enormously different our backgrounds are. While it is true that most older and some younger Khmer people have a story of unimaginable hardship, I would say that a lot of Westerners here (especially those that never actually meet Khmer people or learn the language) have this tendency to think of local people in a way that is too focused on their plight, to the point that it prevents them from recognizing their mutual commonality. It's also important to note that even in my relatively poorer neighborhood, most people are not desperately struggling like you might see in charity advertisements and that sort of thing (but probably do lack a safety net). So while I am extremely sympathetic to and cognizant of how hard many Khmer people work for their living, most of what I see day to day is happy families and people laughing and doing things that are just very normal, for lack of a better word. It's something that I always want to remain aware of, but at the same time it's not what I want to be focused on all the time when I am meeting people. I hope that makes sense. To put it another way, I can't identify with their struggle but regarding happiness, I feel that once our basic needs are met that we're all pretty much the same. I guess that's why I don't feel an emotional distance between myself and the people I meet here, most of the time. I also feel really, really compelled to use the skills that I have to make some money in a reasonably ethical way and more or less give it away to the many friends and acquaintances I have here.

saimiam 9y ago
Did the realization that once basic needs are met, we all have a lot in common take a while to come? Did you try to fit your Cambodian neighbors into a narrative that you recognized before accepting them as they are? Sorry for such personal questions. I just returned to India from the US and at some level, I feel I'm trying to live a US lifestyle in India.
- 3131s 9y ago
  Initially I would not have admitted to anyone or even realized that I was putting people into a 'narrative' but then I think as I noticed other foreigners engaging in that type of thought pattern, I also noticed it to a lesser degree in myself. What helped me get over it was learning the language and really getting to know a few people closely. When you can laugh about the same things, see your own insecurities and fears in someone else, hear their stories about falling in love, and all of those other very fundamental human emotions, for me that really broke down any artificial distance that I had created in my mind. I definitely don't think that because I've superficially lived in the same location for 4 years that somehow my experience is now anything like that of my neighbors, but I do believe now more than ever that despite our totally disparate backgrounds, there is still so much commonality between people all over the world. And of course like anywhere people come in all types, ranging from charming, funny, rude, shy, nerdy, mentally ill, etc. and everything in between. Where in India can I ask? I visited India almost ten years ago now, and I have good memories of Rajasthan, Delhi (except for the crazy pollution!), Mumbai, and especially some smaller cities in Dehradun. The level of poverty in India seemed much more dire than in Cambodia, though I don't know if that's borne out statistically or not -- just my impression. Still, I would love to go back and now I suppose the flight would not be nearly so long.
  - saimiam 9y ago
    I live close (relatively) to Calcutta in the state of Jharkhand. It's far from the glamor of a tourist city in rajasthan. Poverty is still an issue and it may well be worse than Cambodia. The (dis)advantage India has is that economic growth happens organically here. In the 3 weeks I've been back, women entrepreneurs have given me pamphlets for their at-home beauty treatment visits to hand over to my mother. If this were more organized, some VC somewhere would have converted this into a chain of stylists making home visits. Anyway, thanks for the conversation. My personal goal is to see people/myself as they are.