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I have thought about it before but haven't ever. I am happy to give you a few more details though. I am able to spend so little because I live in a very centra

by 3131s 9y ago

I have thought about it before but haven't ever. I am happy to give you a few more details though. I am able to spend so little because I live in a very central area of Phnom Penh, Cambodia. My apartment is a spacious 80$ / month concrete box, around 5m x 16m with tall ceilings, natural ventilation, and a balcony facing out into a long alley. Around 100m away is one of the largest markets in the city, and so there is tons and tons of cheap, healthy food in walking distance (e.g. a kilo of mangoes for 0.25$ when in season). The really notable aspect of living here is the sheer population density -- I've estimated that in a 100m radius around me, in dense rows of five story apartments [1], there are probably over 5000 people living together relatively harmoniously. Being somewhat of a shut-in, this is really great for me as every day I see and chat with many neighbors, local vendors, and other familiar faces. I also live within walking distance of the absolutely awesome Olympic Stadium [2] and go there most days to sprint and lift weights with the Cambodian national track team (choosing cheap or free hobbies is pretty key to this lifestyle I suppose). Most everything else that I love doing involves computers, so other than a few laptops, speakers, a guitar, a nice table and chair, a mattress on the floor, etc. I don't really own much. That's not to say there are not difficult moments here. Even though I personally am not struggling financially, it's hard to totally escape the effects of poverty when you are immersed in it. A few years back, for example, a teenage boy killed himself in this neighborhood by jumping from a 5th story balcony, and knowing the backstory I don't think he would have done it if he had the money to escape from his home life. Seeing other people struggle is tough, but of course not nearly as tough as being in that situation yourself. [1] http://68.media.tumblr.com/23e3cc103960ec568bdc1a0086e71901/tumblr_ms9t8gMXjn1sglye1o1_1280.jpg http://68.media.tumblr.com/23e3cc103960ec568bdc1a0086e71901/... (a view looking out from the balcony of my first apartment here) [2] http://68.media.tumblr.com/8aa2bce1ccc7a248a3e2e74a3ef6b57b/tumblr_ms84g6u8e11sglye1o4_1280.jpg http://68.media.tumblr.com/8aa2bce1ccc7a248a3e2e74a3ef6b57b/... (this is from 4 years ago, days after I arrived, now there is a new field and track!)

saimiam 9y ago
How do you deal with any sense of emotional distance from the people around you? If you make a good living but the people around you don't, at some level, you must find yourself unable to identify with their struggles and happinesses.
- 3131s 9y ago
  That's a good question. When I first moved here, like a lot of Westerners I imagined that I would not really be able to relate to many poorer Khmer people because of how enormously different our backgrounds are. While it is true that most older and some younger Khmer people have a story of unimaginable hardship, I would say that a lot of Westerners here (especially those that never actually meet Khmer people or learn the language) have this tendency to think of local people in a way that is too focused on their plight, to the point that it prevents them from recognizing their mutual commonality. It's also important to note that even in my relatively poorer neighborhood, most people are not desperately struggling like you might see in charity advertisements and that sort of thing (but probably do lack a safety net). So while I am extremely sympathetic to and cognizant of how hard many Khmer people work for their living, most of what I see day to day is happy families and people laughing and doing things that are just very normal, for lack of a better word. It's something that I always want to remain aware of, but at the same time it's not what I want to be focused on all the time when I am meeting people. I hope that makes sense. To put it another way, I can't identify with their struggle but regarding happiness, I feel that once our basic needs are met that we're all pretty much the same. I guess that's why I don't feel an emotional distance between myself and the people I meet here, most of the time. I also feel really, really compelled to use the skills that I have to make some money in a reasonably ethical way and more or less give it away to the many friends and acquaintances I have here.
  - saimiam 9y ago
    Did the realization that once basic needs are met, we all have a lot in common take a while to come? Did you try to fit your Cambodian neighbors into a narrative that you recognized before accepting them as they are? Sorry for such personal questions. I just returned to India from the US and at some level, I feel I'm trying to live a US lifestyle in India.
    - 3131s 9y ago
      Initially I would not have admitted to anyone or even realized that I was putting people into a 'narrative' but then I think as I noticed other foreigners engaging in that type of thought pattern, I also noticed it to a lesser degree in myself. What helped me get over it was learning the language and really getting to know a few people closely. When you can laugh about the same things, see your own insecurities and fears in someone else, hear their stories about falling in love, and all of those other very fundamental human emotions, for me that really broke down any artificial distance that I had created in my mind. I definitely don't think that because I've superficially lived in the same location for 4 years that somehow my experience is now anything like that of my neighbors, but I do believe now more than ever that despite our totally disparate backgrounds, there is still so much commonality between people all over the world. And of course like anywhere people come in all types, ranging from charming, funny, rude, shy, nerdy, mentally ill, etc. and everything in between. Where in India can I ask? I visited India almost ten years ago now, and I have good memories of Rajasthan, Delhi (except for the crazy pollution!), Mumbai, and especially some smaller cities in Dehradun. The level of poverty in India seemed much more dire than in Cambodia, though I don't know if that's borne out statistically or not -- just my impression. Still, I would love to go back and now I suppose the flight would not be nearly so long.

by 3131s 9y ago

saimiam 9y ago

How do you deal with any sense of emotional distance from the people around you? If you make a good living but the people around you don't, at some level, you must find yourself unable to identify with their struggles and happinesses.

3131s 9y ago
That's a good question. When I first moved here, like a lot of Westerners I imagined that I would not really be able to relate to many poorer Khmer people because of how enormously different our backgrounds are. While it is true that most older and some younger Khmer people have a story of unimaginable hardship, I would say that a lot of Westerners here (especially those that never actually meet Khmer people or learn the language) have this tendency to think of local people in a way that is too focused on their plight, to the point that it prevents them from recognizing their mutual commonality. It's also important to note that even in my relatively poorer neighborhood, most people are not desperately struggling like you might see in charity advertisements and that sort of thing (but probably do lack a safety net). So while I am extremely sympathetic to and cognizant of how hard many Khmer people work for their living, most of what I see day to day is happy families and people laughing and doing things that are just very normal, for lack of a better word. It's something that I always want to remain aware of, but at the same time it's not what I want to be focused on all the time when I am meeting people. I hope that makes sense. To put it another way, I can't identify with their struggle but regarding happiness, I feel that once our basic needs are met that we're all pretty much the same. I guess that's why I don't feel an emotional distance between myself and the people I meet here, most of the time. I also feel really, really compelled to use the skills that I have to make some money in a reasonably ethical way and more or less give it away to the many friends and acquaintances I have here.
- saimiam 9y ago
  Did the realization that once basic needs are met, we all have a lot in common take a while to come? Did you try to fit your Cambodian neighbors into a narrative that you recognized before accepting them as they are? Sorry for such personal questions. I just returned to India from the US and at some level, I feel I'm trying to live a US lifestyle in India.
  - 3131s 9y ago
    Initially I would not have admitted to anyone or even realized that I was putting people into a 'narrative' but then I think as I noticed other foreigners engaging in that type of thought pattern, I also noticed it to a lesser degree in myself. What helped me get over it was learning the language and really getting to know a few people closely. When you can laugh about the same things, see your own insecurities and fears in someone else, hear their stories about falling in love, and all of those other very fundamental human emotions, for me that really broke down any artificial distance that I had created in my mind. I definitely don't think that because I've superficially lived in the same location for 4 years that somehow my experience is now anything like that of my neighbors, but I do believe now more than ever that despite our totally disparate backgrounds, there is still so much commonality between people all over the world. And of course like anywhere people come in all types, ranging from charming, funny, rude, shy, nerdy, mentally ill, etc. and everything in between. Where in India can I ask? I visited India almost ten years ago now, and I have good memories of Rajasthan, Delhi (except for the crazy pollution!), Mumbai, and especially some smaller cities in Dehradun. The level of poverty in India seemed much more dire than in Cambodia, though I don't know if that's borne out statistically or not -- just my impression. Still, I would love to go back and now I suppose the flight would not be nearly so long.