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Joining a fraternity was one of the most meaningful and impactful experiences of my life. I come from humble means - my parents couldnt and didnt pay for any o

Joining a fraternity was one of the most meaningful and impactful experiences of my life. I come from humble means - my parents couldnt and didnt pay for any of the (expensive) school I ended up attending. I ended up joining one of only two "wet" fraternities on campus (meaning we were allowed to have booze in our house), and the one considered the most social. I was (am) an introvert and didn't drink in high school or college until I was 21. I loved nearly every moment. Not once did wealth, influence or ability to pay impact our recruitment decisions (and I was deeply involved in the process all three years). In fact, we did more due diligence on "legacies" than any other candidate. My fraternity brothers were some of the most dynamic and interesting people I've had the honor of knowing. It was the first chance I ever had to delve into real politics...as a member of the executive board, we dealt with some challenging interpersonal issues that I wouldnt have been able to wrestle with until much later in my life. While my brothers were very different than me, I grew more and learned more while living in my house than I did in the rest of college. Stereotypes exist for a reason. But there are also virtuous, powerful reasons why fraternities endure.

addicted 9y ago
By joining a fraternity despite being from humble means I'm almost certain you're someone who would have sought social connections even without. And you'd likely end up into an academic or an athletic or an interest based group where you'd build similar connections. The difference would be that the arbiters of who joined your club would base their decisions on your skills/interests/passions as opposed to your drinking skills during rush. Would that be a better situation? I don't know but I personally doubt you would not have had the same meaningful growth if you lived in a hypothetical world where the social Greek system did not exist.
- ghostlygpa 9y ago
  Most schools have dry rushes and recruitment teams select members who have good grades, athletic ability, and leadership qualities, just FYI.
- bkohlmann 9y ago
  Perhaps, although in my particular case, I joined because I applied for a scholarship the house sponsored - and it was the only house I rushed. I spent most of my time holed up in my room the first quarter except for rush events I was explicitly invited to. And that chosen preference for isolation continued in the house as well. But simply being there forced me / gave me the opportunity to walk downstairs and be immersed in a sea of fascinating people. It really was the thing that taught me how to build relationships across differences.
deleted 9y ago
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- gbacon 9y ago
  Philanthropic fund raisers. Supporting university life and other on-campus events. Risk reduction at parties. Being dependable and loyal. Learning to navigate and manage a small business by managing chapter affairs. Learning to separate the talkers from the doers. Being there for your buddies through deaths, divorces, cancer, and other hard times. Positive peer pressure to make the chapter look good. No, these positives aren't unique to Greek life, and yes, there are shenanigans too, sometimes worse. Sorry to hear about your negative experience. I hope it was only a vocal minority who were acting so terribly. To the suggestion in the title of this post, there's more to a product than the technology, and I say that as a technical person. Education is important, but most of it takes place outside the classroom. None of us does it alone.
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
danjoc 9y ago
>Not once did wealth, influence or ability to pay impact our recruitment decisions Yet, I don't imagine you would want to trade places with any of the guys you blackballed from your friendly club. Having been a navy fighter pilot, are you really going to try to tell me, with a straight face, about how hard it was to pay for school or fit in?
- bkohlmann 9y ago
  Despite the stereotypes around my first chosen profession, I always felt like an outsider within it, even though I loved it. I've always been a bit of an odd duck. And any organization - even the school I attended! - makes choices about who can and cannot attend. I'm happy to share my resume of failures if you'd like to know all the places I've been "blackballed" from! I was fortunate to have an ROTC scholarship (open to most Americans who qualify) which paid for tuition, but I paid it back in spades with the 10 years I subsequently gave in service. Perhaps that's unwarranted privilege - only you can interpret that.
  - danjoc 9y ago
    >Perhaps that's unwarranted privilege - only you can interpret that. No, I'm happy for you and glad you had the opportunity. It's just you started your anecdote about humble beginnings, and yet you had a full ride in college. You might not see yourself as a rich kid, but leaving college without crushing debt is something only a privileged few can do these days. https://secure.marketwatch.com/story/class-of-2015-has-the-most-student-debt-in-us-history-2015-05-08 https://secure.marketwatch.com/story/class-of-2015-has-the-m... It sounds like, similar to many popular people I've known, you have impostor syndrome. Despite all evidence to the contrary, you swear up and down that you're a square peg and an outsider. And you really believe it. You're not doing it for sympathy. I can clearly detect that from you.

addicted 9y ago

By joining a fraternity despite being from humble means I'm almost certain you're someone who would have sought social connections even without. And you'd likely end up into an academic or an athletic or an interest based group where you'd build similar connections. The difference would be that the arbiters of who joined your club would base their decisions on your skills/interests/passions as opposed to your drinking skills during rush. Would that be a better situation? I don't know but I personally doubt you would not have had the same meaningful growth if you lived in a hypothetical world where the social Greek system did not exist.

ghostlygpa 9y ago
Most schools have dry rushes and recruitment teams select members who have good grades, athletic ability, and leadership qualities, just FYI.
bkohlmann 9y ago
Perhaps, although in my particular case, I joined because I applied for a scholarship the house sponsored - and it was the only house I rushed. I spent most of my time holed up in my room the first quarter except for rush events I was explicitly invited to. And that chosen preference for isolation continued in the house as well. But simply being there forced me / gave me the opportunity to walk downstairs and be immersed in a sea of fascinating people. It really was the thing that taught me how to build relationships across differences.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

gbacon 9y ago
Philanthropic fund raisers. Supporting university life and other on-campus events. Risk reduction at parties. Being dependable and loyal. Learning to navigate and manage a small business by managing chapter affairs. Learning to separate the talkers from the doers. Being there for your buddies through deaths, divorces, cancer, and other hard times. Positive peer pressure to make the chapter look good. No, these positives aren't unique to Greek life, and yes, there are shenanigans too, sometimes worse. Sorry to hear about your negative experience. I hope it was only a vocal minority who were acting so terribly. To the suggestion in the title of this post, there's more to a product than the technology, and I say that as a technical person. Education is important, but most of it takes place outside the classroom. None of us does it alone.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]

danjoc 9y ago

>Not once did wealth, influence or ability to pay impact our recruitment decisions Yet, I don't imagine you would want to trade places with any of the guys you blackballed from your friendly club. Having been a navy fighter pilot, are you really going to try to tell me, with a straight face, about how hard it was to pay for school or fit in?

bkohlmann 9y ago
Despite the stereotypes around my first chosen profession, I always felt like an outsider within it, even though I loved it. I've always been a bit of an odd duck. And any organization - even the school I attended! - makes choices about who can and cannot attend. I'm happy to share my resume of failures if you'd like to know all the places I've been "blackballed" from! I was fortunate to have an ROTC scholarship (open to most Americans who qualify) which paid for tuition, but I paid it back in spades with the 10 years I subsequently gave in service. Perhaps that's unwarranted privilege - only you can interpret that.
- danjoc 9y ago
  >Perhaps that's unwarranted privilege - only you can interpret that. No, I'm happy for you and glad you had the opportunity. It's just you started your anecdote about humble beginnings, and yet you had a full ride in college. You might not see yourself as a rich kid, but leaving college without crushing debt is something only a privileged few can do these days. https://secure.marketwatch.com/story/class-of-2015-has-the-most-student-debt-in-us-history-2015-05-08 https://secure.marketwatch.com/story/class-of-2015-has-the-m... It sounds like, similar to many popular people I've known, you have impostor syndrome. Despite all evidence to the contrary, you swear up and down that you're a square peg and an outsider. And you really believe it. You're not doing it for sympathy. I can clearly detect that from you.