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Sometimes the best way to avoid conflict is to embrace it, then channel. I was in a bar once, sitting at the bar enjoying a beer, when the guy to the left of m

Sometimes the best way to avoid conflict is to embrace it, then channel. I was in a bar once, sitting at the bar enjoying a beer, when the guy to the left of me recognized the guy to the left. "Hey! Are you X?" "Sure." "I'm going to kick your ass!" I looked at the guy and said "Hell yeah! Why don't you guys go out into the parking lot and get this thing settled?" He didn't want to do that. Instead he wanted to keep taunting the other guy. The other guy protested his innocence, but I noticed that he always stayed behind me. Every time the one guy taunted, I agreed and suggested they take it outside. I matched his outrage. After six or seven exhanges, each time the guy escalating his anger and my escalating my agreement, he finally cursed a bit and went over to the pool tables. Never saw him again that night. I think if I had tried to talk any sense into the him there would have been a fight, but by agreeing with him so much he finally realized all he really wanted to do was express how angry he was with this other dude.

vwcx 9y ago
A strong reminder that as humans, in all our complexity and nuance, each of us have basic needs and a desire for empathy and connection. The need to be heard, and the ability to offer simple acknowledgement of someone else, is so underrated in modern life.
wand3r 9y ago
I am a total steer into the skid guy. I like your anecdote but this plays out a LOT differently sometimes. The issue is when 2 "embrace the chaos" people are in the equation. Then in your scenario you as an unafiliated third party get dragged into some serious shit
jstanley 9y ago
> when the guy to the left of me recognized the guy to the left. Sounds like something out of Fight Club.
- DanielBMarkham 9y ago
  Sorry. I meant the guy to the left recognized the guy to the right, of course. Some background: I was at the bar with the guy to my right -- and he deserved to get his ass kicked. So not only was I in the middle of a developing fight, my options were three: 1) back off and watch my friend get a beat-down, 2) try to talk to this guy and calm him down, or 3) Take up for my friend and get into a fight myself I chose the option in the middle
grecy 9y ago
Reminds me of the time I was sitting at a bar, facing some friends. A guy came up behind me and king hit the guy sitting behind me full in the face. I didn't see it, just the reactions of my friend's faces who saw the whole thing. Apparently my head was only inches away from being involved. ...The guy who got hit died, the other one was charged with manslaughter.

vwcx 9y ago

A strong reminder that as humans, in all our complexity and nuance, each of us have basic needs and a desire for empathy and connection. The need to be heard, and the ability to offer simple acknowledgement of someone else, is so underrated in modern life.

wand3r 9y ago

I am a total steer into the skid guy. I like your anecdote but this plays out a LOT differently sometimes. The issue is when 2 "embrace the chaos" people are in the equation. Then in your scenario you as an unafiliated third party get dragged into some serious shit

jstanley 9y ago

> when the guy to the left of me recognized the guy to the left. Sounds like something out of Fight Club.

DanielBMarkham 9y ago
Sorry. I meant the guy to the left recognized the guy to the right, of course. Some background: I was at the bar with the guy to my right -- and he deserved to get his ass kicked. So not only was I in the middle of a developing fight, my options were three: 1) back off and watch my friend get a beat-down, 2) try to talk to this guy and calm him down, or 3) Take up for my friend and get into a fight myself I chose the option in the middle

grecy 9y ago

Reminds me of the time I was sitting at a bar, facing some friends. A guy came up behind me and king hit the guy sitting behind me full in the face. I didn't see it, just the reactions of my friend's faces who saw the whole thing. Apparently my head was only inches away from being involved. ...The guy who got hit died, the other one was charged with manslaughter.