31 ms·

Jeez, can parents just chillax for a bit? Hyper-parenting aside, I feel that the conventional wisdom of disciplin and setting firm rules about everything is mis

Jeez, can parents just chillax for a bit? Hyper-parenting aside, I feel that the conventional wisdom of disciplin and setting firm rules about everything is misguided. Just anecdotes, but it seems to me the kids who grew up with the most rules either snapped or became overly docile, boring and uncreative. I remember having sleep-overs at friends' places and just thanking the lord for having loving but extremely permissive parents. If kids have the freedom to do what they want they will take more responsibility for their own life. Staying up late and eating 5 bags of candy might sound fun at first, but after a while you figure out you'll just feel extremely bad the day after. I say let kids be people, within reasonable limits of course.

kbutler 9y ago
> Staying up late and eating 5 bags of candy might sound fun at first, but after a while you figure out you'll just feel extremely bad the day after. People don't seem very good at learning that lesson (substitute video games/binge drinking/binge netflix). Parents helping their children recognize the consequences, instead of insulating them from consequences can be beneficial. The problem is when consequences take a long time to manifest - skipping/dropping out of school, never doing homework sounds great, but 10-15 years later, it causes major problems. Similarly, the benefits of diligent practice in whatever field take a long time to manifest. These are places where loving guidance from a parent can make a big difference.
liberte82 9y ago
Kids are notoriously bad at learning on their own. Give kids the choice between candy and something healthy for dinner every day, and they'll consistently pick candy. Good parenting and limits are important. But on the whole, I also see your point. I remember as a child being friends with two siblings with particularly strict parents. Everything felt so regimented... there was a specific time on certain days of the week that they were allowed to "bring out the Nintendo" and it had to be away at a certain time, on the dot. I always felt really nervous being over there, like I was on the edge of being thrown out of the house for something or other. One of the kids turned out great, the other got into drugs. Go figure.
jdmichal 9y ago
Decision making is a skill, and parents need to help train it in their children. This is a huge hole where most advice seems to have parents actively digging deeper rather than filling it. Take advantage of the fact that your child probably doesn't understand false dichotomy and let them make A/B decisions with controlled positive and negative outcomes. Then hold them to those choices and negative outcomes, reminding them of the positive outcomes.

kbutler 9y ago

> Staying up late and eating 5 bags of candy might sound fun at first, but after a while you figure out you'll just feel extremely bad the day after. People don't seem very good at learning that lesson (substitute video games/binge drinking/binge netflix). Parents helping their children recognize the consequences, instead of insulating them from consequences can be beneficial. The problem is when consequences take a long time to manifest - skipping/dropping out of school, never doing homework sounds great, but 10-15 years later, it causes major problems. Similarly, the benefits of diligent practice in whatever field take a long time to manifest. These are places where loving guidance from a parent can make a big difference.

liberte82 9y ago

Kids are notoriously bad at learning on their own. Give kids the choice between candy and something healthy for dinner every day, and they'll consistently pick candy. Good parenting and limits are important. But on the whole, I also see your point. I remember as a child being friends with two siblings with particularly strict parents. Everything felt so regimented... there was a specific time on certain days of the week that they were allowed to "bring out the Nintendo" and it had to be away at a certain time, on the dot. I always felt really nervous being over there, like I was on the edge of being thrown out of the house for something or other. One of the kids turned out great, the other got into drugs. Go figure.

jdmichal 9y ago

Decision making is a skill, and parents need to help train it in their children. This is a huge hole where most advice seems to have parents actively digging deeper rather than filling it. Take advantage of the fact that your child probably doesn't understand false dichotomy and let them make A/B decisions with controlled positive and negative outcomes. Then hold them to those choices and negative outcomes, reminding them of the positive outcomes.