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I have great resilience, my wife doesn't. I know enough to say that you just can't learn resilience (nor ask another person to). It's also a personality trait,

I have great resilience, my wife doesn't. I know enough to say that you just can't learn resilience (nor ask another person to). It's also a personality trait, resilient people tend to think about what could go wrong; my wife gives me weird looks if I put a raincoat in the car on a sunny day.

SirensOfTitan 9y ago
> I know enough to say that you just can't learn resilience So based on your anecdotal experience you have concluded resilience cannot be learned? I find this statement ridiculous, especially considering science shows the opposite. > The good news is that positive construal can be taught. “We can make ourselves more or less vulnerable by how we think about things,” Bonanno said. In research at Columbia, the neuroscientist Kevin Ochsner has shown that teaching people to think of stimuli in different ways—to reframe them in positive terms when the initial response is negative, or in a less emotional way when the initial response is emotionally “hot”—changes how they experience and react to the stimulus. You can train people to better regulate their emotions, and the training seems to have lasting effects. https://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/the-secret-formula-for-resilience https://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/the-secret...
seaknoll 9y ago
Hmm I'd put the raincoat-in-the-car anecdote in the "neuroticism" category. I think of resilience as the ability to weather issues that you don't foresee.
- jasonmaydie 9y ago
  >The curious thing is that I wasn’t so upset about what happened. Almost not upset at all. I set aside an emergency fund for such cases, so financially it wasn’t really a problem I think the two go hand in hand. You can't practice it if you're not prepared somehow for that eventuality. Having 2 child seats stolen while living paycheck to paycheck can be pretty devastating.
  - ZenoArrow 9y ago
    Resilience is about toughing it out when things go wrong. Wisdom is applying what you learn so you don't need to lean on resilience. That said, I wouldn't wish financial hardship on anyone.
ZenoArrow 9y ago
Resilience isn't something you learn directly, it's something you acquire indirectly by living a life that requires it. Almost anyone with a positive outlook who puts themself in a situation that requires resilience will get it eventually.

SirensOfTitan 9y ago

> I know enough to say that you just can't learn resilience So based on your anecdotal experience you have concluded resilience cannot be learned? I find this statement ridiculous, especially considering science shows the opposite. > The good news is that positive construal can be taught. “We can make ourselves more or less vulnerable by how we think about things,” Bonanno said. In research at Columbia, the neuroscientist Kevin Ochsner has shown that teaching people to think of stimuli in different ways—to reframe them in positive terms when the initial response is negative, or in a less emotional way when the initial response is emotionally “hot”—changes how they experience and react to the stimulus. You can train people to better regulate their emotions, and the training seems to have lasting effects. https://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/the-secret-formula-for-resilience https://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/the-secret...

seaknoll 9y ago

Hmm I'd put the raincoat-in-the-car anecdote in the "neuroticism" category. I think of resilience as the ability to weather issues that you don't foresee.

jasonmaydie 9y ago
>The curious thing is that I wasn’t so upset about what happened. Almost not upset at all. I set aside an emergency fund for such cases, so financially it wasn’t really a problem I think the two go hand in hand. You can't practice it if you're not prepared somehow for that eventuality. Having 2 child seats stolen while living paycheck to paycheck can be pretty devastating.
- ZenoArrow 9y ago
  Resilience is about toughing it out when things go wrong. Wisdom is applying what you learn so you don't need to lean on resilience. That said, I wouldn't wish financial hardship on anyone.

ZenoArrow 9y ago

Resilience isn't something you learn directly, it's something you acquire indirectly by living a life that requires it. Almost anyone with a positive outlook who puts themself in a situation that requires resilience will get it eventually.