Same here. I have a lot of bitterness that is partially based on real things that happened to me, but moreso a vague existential feeling of being totally out of

Same here. I have a lot of bitterness that is partially based on real things that happened to me, but moreso a vague existential feeling of being totally out of alignment with the cultures that I've lived in. Around 4 years ago I was really close to ending it all and had been putting myself in extremely dangerous situations to make money, so in desperation I booked a plane ticket and have only returned to the US once since then. I spent far too much of the last few years holed up in a tiny apartment in the 3rd world smoking weed and waiting for the apocalypse, but that's better than what I was doing in the US! Now I'm actually starting to have success as a freelance software developer, but some of the old feeling of malaise still persists. But, I do have a lot to be grateful for, so now that I've kicked most of my addictions I think I can move forward by focusing on those things.