3 ms·

Same here. I have never hit rock bottom, but I have touched a muddy bottom quite a few times, as I keep getting shoved back into it by laughing dry people, up

Same here. I have never hit rock bottom, but I have touched a muddy bottom quite a few times, as I keep getting shoved back into it by laughing dry people, up on the shore, wielding their 10' poles. The solution was to trudge downstream a bit and climb out in the shallows. I still harbor a lot of bitterness, mistrust, cynicism, and hostility, but I'm doing my best to just walk away from it. The current political climate in the US is definitely not helping.

3131s 9y ago
Same here. I have a lot of bitterness that is partially based on real things that happened to me, but moreso a vague existential feeling of being totally out of alignment with the cultures that I've lived in. Around 4 years ago I was really close to ending it all and had been putting myself in extremely dangerous situations to make money, so in desperation I booked a plane ticket and have only returned to the US once since then. I spent far too much of the last few years holed up in a tiny apartment in the 3rd world smoking weed and waiting for the apocalypse, but that's better than what I was doing in the US! Now I'm actually starting to have success as a freelance software developer, but some of the old feeling of malaise still persists. But, I do have a lot to be grateful for, so now that I've kicked most of my addictions I think I can move forward by focusing on those things.