5 ms·

I can relate to that a lot. It's gonna be a helluva story for both of us when it's all said and done. I'm 27. 114 days without drinking or pot. about 2 months

by rblion 9y ago

I can relate to that a lot. It's gonna be a helluva story for both of us when it's all said and done. I'm 27. 114 days without drinking or pot. about 2 months without meat. 10 days without buying a pack of cigs. almost debt free. Moved back home at the end of May to focus on recovery. I was out in Utah for a coding bootcamp, got kicked out halfway through for smoking weed when my roommate (a gay ex-mormon) told on me because he didn't like that I was doing well there (he went through my room while I was in Moab and told the police where I kept my weed), got a full refund because I still got a job without their help. Worked at a sketchy startup for a few months, learned a lot about what I wanted and shattered a lot of my misconceptions about the tech industry. Started working as a developer at a hosting company after but the company laid off 1000 people including me right after I signed a lease. They fired me before I got any severance because I came in hungover one day. Led to more drinking and smoking, really fucked me up inside feeling like a recurring fuck up. Using everything I learned in Utah to start an agency. Got a few quality clients now ranging from a film composer in Hollywood, a fitness model from Miami, a dog clothing company, a Native American photographer. Going to AZ to see the Grand Canyon next week, then Colombia for an ayahuasca retreat in October to heal from PTSD from childhood trauma. Saving up for an SUV, better camping gear, and going to work remotely next year as I explore North America. Going to be a 'creative developer' and nature photographer at the same time.

bdamm 9y ago
This is awesome. However, a word of warning; you're perfectly set up now for a massive and life shattering crash. My free advice; considering visiting a 12-step meeting. It's likely that you're going to need that support later, and the sooner you get it, the shorter the next problem is going to be. Your healing has only just begun. Don't stop the work now just because things are going well.
- rblion 9y ago
  I've been going to a 12-step meeting and working the steps. Also going to a meditation group. My sponsor is an engineer too, so we can connect on multiple levels. thanks for looking out, I know it's coming from a good place
- logfromblammo 9y ago
  I disagree that 12-step programs are the best or only way to establish an emotional support network. They are a fine interim solution, but the end goal should be to establish genuine and diverse friendships that are not based upon that which you see as a shared weakness. They may do some good things, but I don't think they have the evidence to back up all their claims and practices, and they are fundamentally religious in nature.
  - bdamm 9y ago
    If you have a story of what's worked for you please share it.
    - logfromblammo 9y ago
      But that would also be anecdotal, not evidence. As our testers keep telling our developers, "it works on my machine" is not an acceptable investigation into the problem. Also, that presumes that what I am doing is actually working, which is a matter that could easily be debated. If I were to personalize a 12-step into something workable for me: 1. Admit that your enemy is yourself--the problems you can solve come from you. 2. Realize that no one other than you can save you from yourself. 4. Analyze those parts of yourself that war against each other. Reconcile them. 8. Explicitly list the undesirable side effects of your behavior. 9. Apologize to others where necessary. Forgive yourself. Pledge to do better. 10. Think about consequences before acting. Be one unified self in thought and action. From my perspective, several of the 12 steps involve intentionally fragmenting one's personality even further beyond those that must already exist in order to perform self-destructive acts. The "God" character is you, pretending to be someone that cares about you, perhaps with a parental figure pasted over it as a facade. Other people are then able to coach you and give direction on how to play that character, which may not necessarily benefit you. My problem with this ultimately lies in the fact that I have a personality fragment that delights in positing conspiracy theories and unraveling deceptions, who just immediately pokes holes in all attempts at self-deception, even when it is for the purpose of self-improvement. Since religious self-deception is an integral and indivisible part of every 12-step, that rules out 5 of the steps altogether, and there's no particular reason to proselytize half of something, so that rules out the 12th, too.
mythrwy 9y ago
What kind of coding bootcamp kicks people out for smoking weed? Is that common? (assume you weren't smoking at the bootcamp).
- rblion 9y ago
  smoking in my dorm. one of the other students tried to convince him not to tell on me because it's not that big a deal, I was one of the top students there, and other people were smoking weed too. he did it anyways, ironically he got kicked out a month later and didn't get a refund or a job on his own. karma. he even texted me to ask for forgiveness.
anderspitman 9y ago
Why did you feel your roommate being a gay ex-mormon was relevant to the story? Not sure I have an opinion on it just thought it was an interesting detail and genuinely curious.
- rblion 9y ago
  he was a sociopath. if you've ever lived in Utah county, you'll find out that many people have a superiority complex towards anyone who isn't 'pure like them'. you just have to experience it. I have friends who are gay, no issue with them. I have friends who are ex-mormon and active mormon, no issue with them.

by rblion 9y ago

bdamm 9y ago

This is awesome. However, a word of warning; you're perfectly set up now for a massive and life shattering crash. My free advice; considering visiting a 12-step meeting. It's likely that you're going to need that support later, and the sooner you get it, the shorter the next problem is going to be. Your healing has only just begun. Don't stop the work now just because things are going well.

rblion 9y ago
I've been going to a 12-step meeting and working the steps. Also going to a meditation group. My sponsor is an engineer too, so we can connect on multiple levels. thanks for looking out, I know it's coming from a good place
logfromblammo 9y ago
I disagree that 12-step programs are the best or only way to establish an emotional support network. They are a fine interim solution, but the end goal should be to establish genuine and diverse friendships that are not based upon that which you see as a shared weakness. They may do some good things, but I don't think they have the evidence to back up all their claims and practices, and they are fundamentally religious in nature.
- bdamm 9y ago
  If you have a story of what's worked for you please share it.
  - logfromblammo 9y ago
    But that would also be anecdotal, not evidence. As our testers keep telling our developers, "it works on my machine" is not an acceptable investigation into the problem. Also, that presumes that what I am doing is actually working, which is a matter that could easily be debated. If I were to personalize a 12-step into something workable for me: 1. Admit that your enemy is yourself--the problems you can solve come from you. 2. Realize that no one other than you can save you from yourself. 4. Analyze those parts of yourself that war against each other. Reconcile them. 8. Explicitly list the undesirable side effects of your behavior. 9. Apologize to others where necessary. Forgive yourself. Pledge to do better. 10. Think about consequences before acting. Be one unified self in thought and action. From my perspective, several of the 12 steps involve intentionally fragmenting one's personality even further beyond those that must already exist in order to perform self-destructive acts. The "God" character is you, pretending to be someone that cares about you, perhaps with a parental figure pasted over it as a facade. Other people are then able to coach you and give direction on how to play that character, which may not necessarily benefit you. My problem with this ultimately lies in the fact that I have a personality fragment that delights in positing conspiracy theories and unraveling deceptions, who just immediately pokes holes in all attempts at self-deception, even when it is for the purpose of self-improvement. Since religious self-deception is an integral and indivisible part of every 12-step, that rules out 5 of the steps altogether, and there's no particular reason to proselytize half of something, so that rules out the 12th, too.

mythrwy 9y ago

What kind of coding bootcamp kicks people out for smoking weed? Is that common? (assume you weren't smoking at the bootcamp).

rblion 9y ago
smoking in my dorm. one of the other students tried to convince him not to tell on me because it's not that big a deal, I was one of the top students there, and other people were smoking weed too. he did it anyways, ironically he got kicked out a month later and didn't get a refund or a job on his own. karma. he even texted me to ask for forgiveness.

anderspitman 9y ago

Why did you feel your roommate being a gay ex-mormon was relevant to the story? Not sure I have an opinion on it just thought it was an interesting detail and genuinely curious.

rblion 9y ago
he was a sociopath. if you've ever lived in Utah county, you'll find out that many people have a superiority complex towards anyone who isn't 'pure like them'. you just have to experience it. I have friends who are gay, no issue with them. I have friends who are ex-mormon and active mormon, no issue with them.