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I never wanted to do it. Like I said, I just kind of fell into it. But now that I'm here, I feel an obligation to complete the biological history for my kids a

I never wanted to do it. Like I said, I just kind of fell into it. But now that I'm here, I feel an obligation to complete the biological history for my kids and potential grandkids. Things like heart disease, cancer, and other diseases can be part hereditary. There's also the issue of establishing a genetic family tree. That's never been my thing, but some of my progeny might feel differently. Now is the time to find out whatever information is available, while people are still alive. On the minus side, this kind of thing could be terribly disruptive to a family somewhere -- and I have no intention of causing anybody pain. As I said in my OC, what changes the balance is the fact that as sites like 23andme grow, it's all coming out in the wash anyway. So the real question is whether or not I'm going to fit all the pieces of the puzzle together or leave it to somebody decades from now when I'm gone. Since I'm halfway there, might as well finish. In this way I can create a family narrative of my adoption instead of having that narrative created for me by people years from now that I've never met. It has absolutley nothing to do with meeting the actual person, or going through some kind of emotional reunion. I really don't want to do that. It's much more about putting all the pieces together and making some kind of sense of it all.

krrrh 9y ago
For whatever it's worth from the other side of the equation, an older biological half-brother who had been adopted got in touch with my family a few years ago, and it's been a profound experience. I knew that he was out there somewhere, but never really thought of him or had any real desire to meet him until he reached out (I was already in my late 30s). We don't live in the same city but close enough that we've been able to hang out 1-2 times per year. Snooping on each other's social media before first meeting lowered the initial awkwardness. I have a couple of friends who have had similar experiences. Getting to know a close bio-relative as an adult surprised me in how much it offered better self-understanding and an enriched perspective on nature/nurture and the human experience. It was interesting right off the bat to discover improbable similarities in favourite books, albums, and thoughts about John Resig's blog posts, that he had a similar career path to me, and shared some mannerisms and personality quirks, and to realize afterwards how naturally the conversation flowed. Maybe we've also been lucky to not load expectations on each other. After our first meeting he made a comment on how every software developer secretly wishes they had a clone of themselves out there doing the stuff they don't have time to, which summed up my feelings pretty well. Obviously it's a personal decision, but I've been very happy that he made contact. In terms of potentially causing pain, if 3 of your bio-siblings are on 23andme, it's highly likely that they are at least already aware of your existence and are just as respectful of your boundaries as you are of theirs.
- DanielBMarkham 9y ago
  I was a "secret baby", that is, nobody knew that my bio mom was even pregnant. Decades after I was born, one of my bio sisters was talking to a family member while they were drinking. They let it slip that they all had a brother somewhere out there. None of the other siblings believed her! (I take it that she was quite a bit of a prankster growing up) So when I finally turned up a month or two ago, she was quite excited! See! I told you guys we had a brother! In all honesty, it's been much more emotional than I would have ever guessed a year or two ago. There are tons of similarities between me and my bio sisters that are odd. I imagine the same would hold true for any (?) siblings I have from my bio dad. Frankly it's been so emotional that I've had to take things just a little bit at a time. Way too much for me to handle all at once.
sharkweek 9y ago
Thanks for unpacking that a bit for me. Best of luck putting the genetic pieces together, it sounds interesting!

krrrh 9y ago

For whatever it's worth from the other side of the equation, an older biological half-brother who had been adopted got in touch with my family a few years ago, and it's been a profound experience. I knew that he was out there somewhere, but never really thought of him or had any real desire to meet him until he reached out (I was already in my late 30s). We don't live in the same city but close enough that we've been able to hang out 1-2 times per year. Snooping on each other's social media before first meeting lowered the initial awkwardness. I have a couple of friends who have had similar experiences. Getting to know a close bio-relative as an adult surprised me in how much it offered better self-understanding and an enriched perspective on nature/nurture and the human experience. It was interesting right off the bat to discover improbable similarities in favourite books, albums, and thoughts about John Resig's blog posts, that he had a similar career path to me, and shared some mannerisms and personality quirks, and to realize afterwards how naturally the conversation flowed. Maybe we've also been lucky to not load expectations on each other. After our first meeting he made a comment on how every software developer secretly wishes they had a clone of themselves out there doing the stuff they don't have time to, which summed up my feelings pretty well. Obviously it's a personal decision, but I've been very happy that he made contact. In terms of potentially causing pain, if 3 of your bio-siblings are on 23andme, it's highly likely that they are at least already aware of your existence and are just as respectful of your boundaries as you are of theirs.

DanielBMarkham 9y ago
I was a "secret baby", that is, nobody knew that my bio mom was even pregnant. Decades after I was born, one of my bio sisters was talking to a family member while they were drinking. They let it slip that they all had a brother somewhere out there. None of the other siblings believed her! (I take it that she was quite a bit of a prankster growing up) So when I finally turned up a month or two ago, she was quite excited! See! I told you guys we had a brother! In all honesty, it's been much more emotional than I would have ever guessed a year or two ago. There are tons of similarities between me and my bio sisters that are odd. I imagine the same would hold true for any (?) siblings I have from my bio dad. Frankly it's been so emotional that I've had to take things just a little bit at a time. Way too much for me to handle all at once.

sharkweek 9y ago

Thanks for unpacking that a bit for me. Best of luck putting the genetic pieces together, it sounds interesting!