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The appearance of a limitless supply gives the false confidence that a perfect match will be found. Technology, IMHO, has removed all courtship and romance out

The appearance of a limitless supply gives the false confidence that a perfect match will be found. Technology, IMHO, has removed all courtship and romance out of dating. It woukd be interesting to see more of a Tinder of blind dates, no photos, and a requirement that you spend time talking on the phone or texting the perfect before you see their photo.

humanrebar 9y ago
That more or less described eHarmony, at least as of about a decade ago.
corporateslave3 9y ago
Yeah, its a trap generally. In theory your dating matches are limitless, in reality they are much more constrained. This is how the dating atmosphere in NYC generally works, a ton of people with too many mediocre options.
- shubb 9y ago
  Aren't you really saying that they are narcissists? The job market is a bit like this - a lot of job opennings and a lot of applicants. If all of the jobs you are qualified for are beneath you, then you need to fix your head. And if you want stability, but the only jobs that pay what you deserve are short terms contracts, then you need to consider your priorities. We tell people not to settle, because getting deeply emotionally involved with someone unsuitable ends painfully. As does trying a committed relationship and realizing that you could do better. But 'settling' for someone as attractive, clever, funny and sane as you are is not settling.
- stepanhruda 9y ago
  Saw an article recently stating * bottom 80% of the men all compete for 20% of the women who actually respond to them * the other 80% of the women only respond to the top 20% of the men
  - corporateslave3 9y ago
    Yeah its crazy, all these average single girls thinking they are better than the average single guys, until they hit mid to late twenties. Then they "settle" for someone they deemed undesirable for the previous few years.
  - 0xCMP 9y ago
    Two rules of online dating: 1. be attractive and 2. don't be unattractive.
  - sokoloff 9y ago
    That may be true, but recognize that just as in income, the quintiles are fluid. My wife (presumably) places me in the top 20% by her fitness function, while someone seeking GQ models for December's shoot wouldn't put me in the top 50%.
  - monksy 9y ago
    I can't find the link. But they did histogram of how men and women were ranked by who they were interested in. Women by in large had an average at 6/10. Men had an average around 2.5/10.
closeparen 9y ago
>no photos We have other kinds of relationships for when sexuality need not be involved. It seems like a huge waste for people to make all that time investment in a romantic context when there is not even mutual sexual interest. People looking for purely companionate or utilitarian relationships can still find friends, roommates, and coworkers the old fashioned way.
sokoloff 9y ago
There is real advantage to increasing the number of prospective partners, IMO, whether you subscribe to the rigorous application of the "secretary problem" or not. Even if you don't, I think broader exposure to and sense of the size of your realistic dating pool is helpful. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/02/16/when-to-stop-dating-and-settle-down-according-to-math/?utm_term=.53879f39db1b https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/02/16/when-...

humanrebar 9y ago

That more or less described eHarmony, at least as of about a decade ago.

corporateslave3 9y ago

Yeah, its a trap generally. In theory your dating matches are limitless, in reality they are much more constrained. This is how the dating atmosphere in NYC generally works, a ton of people with too many mediocre options.

shubb 9y ago
Aren't you really saying that they are narcissists? The job market is a bit like this - a lot of job opennings and a lot of applicants. If all of the jobs you are qualified for are beneath you, then you need to fix your head. And if you want stability, but the only jobs that pay what you deserve are short terms contracts, then you need to consider your priorities. We tell people not to settle, because getting deeply emotionally involved with someone unsuitable ends painfully. As does trying a committed relationship and realizing that you could do better. But 'settling' for someone as attractive, clever, funny and sane as you are is not settling.
stepanhruda 9y ago
Saw an article recently stating * bottom 80% of the men all compete for 20% of the women who actually respond to them * the other 80% of the women only respond to the top 20% of the men
- corporateslave3 9y ago
  Yeah its crazy, all these average single girls thinking they are better than the average single guys, until they hit mid to late twenties. Then they "settle" for someone they deemed undesirable for the previous few years.
- 0xCMP 9y ago
  Two rules of online dating: 1. be attractive and 2. don't be unattractive.
- sokoloff 9y ago
  That may be true, but recognize that just as in income, the quintiles are fluid. My wife (presumably) places me in the top 20% by her fitness function, while someone seeking GQ models for December's shoot wouldn't put me in the top 50%.
- monksy 9y ago
  I can't find the link. But they did histogram of how men and women were ranked by who they were interested in. Women by in large had an average at 6/10. Men had an average around 2.5/10.

closeparen 9y ago

>no photos We have other kinds of relationships for when sexuality need not be involved. It seems like a huge waste for people to make all that time investment in a romantic context when there is not even mutual sexual interest. People looking for purely companionate or utilitarian relationships can still find friends, roommates, and coworkers the old fashioned way.

sokoloff 9y ago

There is real advantage to increasing the number of prospective partners, IMO, whether you subscribe to the rigorous application of the "secretary problem" or not. Even if you don't, I think broader exposure to and sense of the size of your realistic dating pool is helpful. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/02/16/when-to-stop-dating-and-settle-down-according-to-math/?utm_term=.53879f39db1b https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/02/16/when-...