Slightly more seriously, it's still not even clear if cryptocurrencies are really functioning as investable assets--thing you buy and hold for appreciation--or

Slightly more seriously, it's still not even clear if cryptocurrencies are really functioning as investable assets--thing you buy and hold for appreciation--or actual money--the unit of accounting for economic activity. It will be hard to be both. During the gold-standard era, this was achieved by government price controls on gold. That's basically what the 'standard' was, a price control. And it turns out in practice, this is hard to maintain, which is why it eventually failed.