4 ms·

We might have to agree to disagree, but I'd rather not attract women by appearing more confident than I actually am. And yes, that means sometimes I'm needy and

by andreyf 16y ago

We might have to agree to disagree, but I'd rather not attract women by appearing more confident than I actually am. And yes, that means sometimes I'm needy and insecure. If that stops a woman from liking me, that's a choice she has a right to make. Maybe I've been lucky, but I've found no shortage of women (both friends and lovers) that have helped me through times of insecurity. It's not in any sense evil, I just think that as long as you keep up these "confident, funny and slightly unavailable" appearances, you neuter the possibility of a genuine emotional connection.

deleted 16y ago
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potatolicious 16y ago
> "but I'd rather not attract women by appearing more confident than I actually am" Having read some of the works in question - I have to correct a misconception. PUA isn't about false bravado - that's why the 3-second rule exists, so you approach the woman before your own insecurities kick in and your mind gets way ahead of itself. If anything, it's not an act, it's actual anxiety management so you don't act like a nervous buffoon. I don't see anything wrong with this. We accept insecurity from our friends, families, and other loved ones frequently - but we rarely accept it so readily from strangers. PUA is not the art of maintaining romantic interest, it's the art of initiating it between total strangers - and oftentimes the strategies employed are counter-productive for long-term relationships (which is why everything they say must be taken with a healthy dose of critical thought). > ""confident, funny and slightly unavailable" appearances, you neuter the possibility of a genuine emotional connection." And that's not what it's about. So here's the thing, PUAs work in a hyper-competitive environment where, even before their arrival, it was already a hotbed of attempted pickups and blatant come-ons. Their strategies are mostly about rising above the rabble of men trying to hook up with drunk girls and appearing more attractive than the sea of dudes in the room. All of this is still relevant to people who aren't in a sweaty nightclub and aren't just looking for one-night stands. "confident, funny, and slightly unavailable" is a great place to start, especially when your target is desirable and frequently hit on. You can connect all you want once you've beaten the crowd of suitors - that's the point.

by andreyf 16y ago

deleted 16y ago

[deleted]

potatolicious 16y ago

> "but I'd rather not attract women by appearing more confident than I actually am" Having read some of the works in question - I have to correct a misconception. PUA isn't about false bravado - that's why the 3-second rule exists, so you approach the woman before your own insecurities kick in and your mind gets way ahead of itself. If anything, it's not an act, it's actual anxiety management so you don't act like a nervous buffoon. I don't see anything wrong with this. We accept insecurity from our friends, families, and other loved ones frequently - but we rarely accept it so readily from strangers. PUA is not the art of maintaining romantic interest, it's the art of initiating it between total strangers - and oftentimes the strategies employed are counter-productive for long-term relationships (which is why everything they say must be taken with a healthy dose of critical thought). > ""confident, funny and slightly unavailable" appearances, you neuter the possibility of a genuine emotional connection." And that's not what it's about. So here's the thing, PUAs work in a hyper-competitive environment where, even before their arrival, it was already a hotbed of attempted pickups and blatant come-ons. Their strategies are mostly about rising above the rabble of men trying to hook up with drunk girls and appearing more attractive than the sea of dudes in the room. All of this is still relevant to people who aren't in a sweaty nightclub and aren't just looking for one-night stands. "confident, funny, and slightly unavailable" is a great place to start, especially when your target is desirable and frequently hit on. You can connect all you want once you've beaten the crowd of suitors - that's the point.