That has not been my experience at all in comparison to other fields I've been in. My managers especially have often left early to pick up kids, or take a day

That has not been my experience at all in comparison to other fields I've been in. My managers especially have often left early to pick up kids, or take a day to care for sick children. People talk about their children vomiting the night before to excuse their sleep deprivation. Every programming job I've had comes with maternity and paternity leave. Two-income households are far more common than stay-at-home parents, and the pay is sufficient people can afford childcare. It is at least much less hostile than most of the rest of America.