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So tell me, how do i replace around 5 different group chats i have on messenger which can have anywhere between 5-10 people in each chat? Music events that i g

So tell me, how do i replace around 5 different group chats i have on messenger which can have anywhere between 5-10 people in each chat? Music events that i go to are exclusively promoted on facebook. How do you recommend i find out about these events so that i can get a cheaper ticket price? if anyone wants to organize a plan that has more than 8 people, facebook groups make it much much easier. I personally hate facebook's mobile apps and some it's policies ( Internet.org comes 1st to my mind), but it's hard to completely stop using it.

Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago
It's not that hard, you've just forgotten how to do these things without Facebook. >I personally hate facebook's mobile apps and some it's policies ( Internet.org comes 1st to my mind), but it's hard to completely stop using it. Try it! Deactivate your account for a week. Do it again later for two weeks. Maybe for a month. When you learn how to live without it, delete it.
- compiler-guy 9y ago
  This is a painfully simplistic response. No matter what I do, several activities and groups I want to be a part of are only advertised and organized on facebook. It's not within my power to change that. And that, in fact, _does_ makes it hard to avoid using facebook without being left out.
  - tdurden 9y ago
    > And that, in fact, _does_ makes it hard to avoid using facebook without being left out. I think you might mean _fear_ of being left out...friends will find other ways to contact you.
    - compiler-guy 9y ago
      Fear has nothing to do with it. When I was not on facebook, I was getting left out of activities and events that weren't exactly with friends, but more with common interests.
    - tedunangst 9y ago
      Or not. Maybe they just decide it's not worth the hassle of tracking down the outliers. I guess we can argue that anybody who's a real friend will message you using your preferred comm, though that cuts both ways. If you are a real friend, you'd message them back with their preferred system.
      - michaelmrose 9y ago
        Email is a system which you can assume virtually 100% of users have and doesn't force users to participate in a social network that has been shown to be harmful for a lot of users. Further email doesn't force you to participate in any particular service at all because it is a federated service. Assuming that someone should get a facebook to talk to you is like assuming someone should switch to sprint to call you. Imagine how moronic the world would be if all the different phone networks were disconnected from one another.
        compiler-guy 9y ago
        Regardless of the morality, weirdness or absurdness, that ship has sailed. Many, many groups only use facebook, and if you want to be a part of them, you have to as well. I agree it is suboptimal, and whether or not it is worth the tradeoff is an individual decision, but that is the world we live in. The group level is where most of the rubber meets the road here.
        tedunangst 9y ago
        I would estimate at most 10% of my Facebook friends have the same email address today that they had on the day we connected.
        EGreg 9y ago
        I bet most teens do not use email for anything except work stuff.
        michaelmrose 9y ago
        How is your guess about other people useful info?
    - ozim 9y ago
      So you are basically saying that you can be an ass and make it harder for others to contact you. Then if they are worthy enough you they will spend their time installing whatever communication tool you use. I do not get the feeling that I can be a princess and I also have to care about relation.
    - ozim 9y ago
      So you are basically saying that you can be an ass and make it harder for others to contact you. Then if they are worthy enough you they will spend their time installing whatever communication tool you use. I do not get the feeling that I can be a princess and I also have to care about relation.
    - komali2 9y ago
      I don't think this is true. We always have that moment at parties, "Where's Kyle? Oh shit, he deleted his facebook and didn't see the invite, did anybody text him to tell him?!" No, we didn't, because 99% of our friends use the very useful party organizing app with integrated chat and picture sharing, Facebook.
      - Prefinem 9y ago
        Those aren't your friends buddy. >No, we didn't, because 99% of our friends use the very useful party organizing app with integrated chat and picture sharing, Facebook. My friends will actively invite me (I don't use facebook) to events if they want me there.
        compiler-guy 9y ago
        And here we see the mismatch between the two camps: Sure, [good|strong|old|pick your adjective] friends will contact you regardless of your facebook involvement. But there are plenty of acquaintances, groups, events and whatnot that only get organized or contacted on facebook. And even so, why would you put the extra burden on your friends to contact you in a special way? Why wouldn't you make it easy for them to contact you? If I live on a mountain, 1,000 miles from everyone, people--even my friends--don't invite me to their parties because they don't think I'm available. I have isolated myself, and people take social cues from that. People also take clues from social isolation. I'm reminded of when I set my mother up for email. She really didn't think she needed it or would want it, "Getting a stamp just isn't that hard." But the fact of the matter is that the lower friction method of communication enabled her to be in contact with many, many more people. Facebook is even lower friction than that. "Those aren't your friends" ignores too many realities of life.
        Prefinem 9y ago
        > And even so, why would you put the extra burden on your friends to contact you in a special way? Why wouldn't you make it easy for them to contact you? Texting is just as easy as facebook messaging. Or they can use discord, slack, etc etc. facebook isn't the only way to contact someone that is easy. > But there are plenty of acquaintances, groups, events and whatnot that only get organized or contacted on facebook. Maybe this is because I grew an introvert, but I can deal with being by myself as well as most of my friends. Going to events, etc isn't a must have. It's something that you can do if you want too. If I want to go hang out, then I will contact people. I will make it easy for them to say yes/no/no response. But I don't have to be apart of every group meeting, or every little discussion.
  - Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago
    >No matter what I do, several activities and groups I want to be a part of are only advertised and organized on facebook. It's not within my power to change that. It is. You have the power to choose what you want to be a part of. And these groups have more members than yourself - people who you can ask to help you stay up to date on meetings and such.
    - compiler-guy 9y ago
      I never said I didn't have the power to choose not to be a part of these groups. The point is that I want to be a part of them, and doing that without facebook is 10x the additional friction. Yes, I could ask someone to forward me the notices, and activities, but how do you propose I participate in the discussions of what to do? When the voting via facebook poll happens, how do you propose I make my voice heard. Now, you could argue that facebook isn't worth it. (And that is a perfectly reasonable position to take.) But that is a different position than, "It's easy to make these things work without facebook."
    - debaserab2 9y ago
      I'm sorry, but get real. People use technology because it assists and speeds up areas of their life. For many people, facebook far and away is the most convenient way to manage their social life simply because they have the greatest adoption within their social groups. Yes, we could "write someone a letter in the mail instead" or "ask a friend about the events on facebook" but that would defeat the point for the vast majority of us that aren't interested in spending hours managing our social contacts and calendars. You're not really giving solutions when you suggest things like that.
      - Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago
        The point I'm making is thus: if you acknowledge that Facebook is a bad influence on your life but you feel stuck with it, here's a low risk strategy for dipping your toes into life without it that you can try out. I don't spend hours managing my social contacts and calendars and I still feel connected with my family and my friends without Facebook. I'd like to point out that this thread has depressingly similar patterns compared to talking with drug addicts about their habit.
  - michaelmrose 9y ago
    Promote giving up facebook or advertising via alternative means both to whomever organizes it and among your fellow users. Volunteer to help with those alternative means.
    - compiler-guy 9y ago
      Ask everyone to sign up for different methods of communication. Pick a method for managing the lists. Avoid the additional publicity public facebook postings get you when someone likes it. Those are real tradeoffs that many groups aren't willing to accept, regardless of how willing a single person is to shoulder the burden.
      - DrScump 9y ago
        Ask everyone to sign up for different methods of communication That's exactly what you are doing by insisting on Facebook use unnecessarily, when email is the true common denominator (doesn't everyone in your friends list have email?).
        compiler-guy 9y ago
        Nearly everyone is already there, and the number that isn't continues to fall every year. Yes everyone already has email, but list management and group organization is much worse. Even compared to Google groups. And the fact is that most people prefer it.
    - deleted 9y ago
      [deleted]
  - __jal 9y ago
    I don't use FB at all, and haven't, ever. I'm a part of two groups that do most of their business on FB, in an official role in one of them. I don't miss anything important, and find it beneficial that I miss the rest[1]. I've refused to be blackmailed into Facebook use by my family, so there's zero chance a friend or associate will get away with it. If people can't be arsed to email me about something they consider significant, I don't have time for them either. FOMO is a condition that happens in your head, as is how you let your peers treat you. It is within your power to deal with it. [1] I don't discount that informal bonding, chit-chat, etc.; it is an important part of a healthy lifestyle, group formation, etc. I prefer the in-person sort, and for virtual, there's a whole internet out there that is not FB.
- debaserab2 9y ago
  It's not really possible if the majority (or even portions) of your social life use facebook to organize events. If you're interested in being a diligent contributor to your social group, you're either stuck trying to evangelize some other tool (usually less convenient for everyone else who doesn't mind facebook) or you're stuck asking for someone to check the FB event for you. You can't really disconnect and easily maintain a social life in this circumstance.
  - Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago
    You will be surprised by how easy it is. Take the approach I suggested. Wane yourself off of it and don't quit entirely until you feel comfortable with it.
    - tedunangst 9y ago
      Perhaps you will be surprised to learn that not everybody is living the same life as you.
    - debaserab2 9y ago
      I'm not interested in doubling or tripling the amount of time it takes to manage my social calendar and I find your comments that seem to be treating it like it's some kind of addiction to be a tad condescending for those of us who would close their account in a heartbeat if it wasn't such a necessary tool.
    - acomjean 9y ago
      I help out with an Art open studio event. Its really starting to be the case that people who are organizing events want to let members know about events and invite people via Facebook. We use that and email. Facebook is easy and somewhat effective. Some people use it for their whole social calendar. This is different from the old evite.com days, which was more email list based. I'm not on it so Facebook, but my Partner is so she keeps me posted on the social aspect of whats going on. If she wasn't I probably would have to be. Not being on it means stuff happens and I won't know. I'm ok with that, but it can be a bit isolating. There is only so much you can expect acquaintances to work to keep you in the loop. People like that its free (not like the services you pay for like meetup.com)
- unethical_ban 9y ago
  I just rejoined facebook. I call it giving in again, but really, I see a lot more of what's going on in the city than I could otherwise. There are some websites that try to fill this gap (sites like Meetup or do512.com) and physical bulletin boards at the coffee shops, but FB is by FAR the easiest, and sometimes the only, way to find out about things. And yeah, you can text, you can call, but "if" everyone is on facebook, it's a lot easier. I still have friends texting, but esp. for bigger group events, Fb is "just there" for most people. It's useful to be a part of that. I don't like it, I don't like their views on destroying privacy or discouraging pseudonyms, and I wish there was something that was better at Facebook than Facebook, but there isn't.
  - paulie_a 9y ago
    Honestly I am not ready to simply delete my FB account, but I absolutely use it increasingly less. Every 3rd post is straight up an ad and generally an incredibly stupid ad. Social networks have become increasingly difficult to enjoy in my opinion because they have become insanely greedy and block the actual experience for why people want to be there. In the past 3 months I am down an Instagram account and LinkedIn. Snapchat is probably next due to the absolutely awful interface and general pointlessness.
- johnfn 9y ago
  > It's not that hard, you've just forgotten how to do these things without Facebook. This doesn't work because the world has changed since Facebook didn't exist. Now that it does, some forms of social interaction that existed outside of FB now only exist on FB. I have friends with whom FB is the only form of communication with them, and many more friends with whom FB is easily the primary form. You can't singlehandedly convince all of your friends to move off FB and onto a better platform. Especially since most of these friendships are kinda small. I've often seen the argument "well if they aren't meaningful friendships, it doesn't matter" but that's just not practical. Sometimes you'll reconnect with someone who you haven't spoken with in 5 years - that's occasionally how friendships work. Friendships aren't permanent and steady in intensity: they sometimes fade in and out. Quitting FB obliterates all those transient and potential future friendships. We can reduce you saying "When you learn how to live without it" to you saying "When you learn how to live without interacting with a decent chunk of people that you know". Does it seem so easy now?
  - tripzilch 9y ago
    You can and should ask your friends to adapt if FB is the only form of communication they will have with you. First off, you're doing a terrible thing to yourself by framing it as if you have only two choices: Become FB's product or become ostracised from your social circle. The latter is a deeply-ingrained biological fear, back in our tribal hunter/gather days, this basically meant death. Advertising has been abusing this biological behavioural function since the early 80's[0] but Facebook is going to extremes by actually invading and parasitising off our current social fabric, rather than just promising a "cool" lifestyle on top, like branding does. In addition, by letting your friends do this, you are normalising the idea of "FB as only form of communication" for everybody else, too! There's so many people out there who would love to stop using FB that won't because they, like you, deeply fear being ostracised. More than you think (you won't find them on FB). If you feel that, just maybe, a single mega-corporation shouldn't be able to do this to more than 25% of all people in the whole wide world[1], then just maybe it's worth it to take a tiny bit of a stance and have a firm talk with your friends about this abuse, no? Then there's people that I've seen (on here) crying, "you seem to have it easy, apparently your friends+family will accept this and you have time to find other means of communication but I live far away from home and have no time, and I would be so incredibly lonely if I'd stop doing FB". If you really, really feel that way, here's a big, fat yell-out-loud piece of advice: YOU ARE ALREADY LONELY. BEING A FB USER JUST OBSCURES THIS FACT. START TAKING ACTION TO FIX THIS IN A HEALTHY WAY. You're a user, and your social network consists of users (even if many of them seem to do fine). Ask any ex-addict what that's worth. Finally, some of my friends have gone through hard times. Money, mental health, bad times. Sometimes they drop off the radar. Damage or lose their phone, disconnect from the social networks because of anxiety, shame or worries. These are the people that need their (real) social networks the most. I (and some of my friends with me) always make a point of SMS texting them about social stuff, keeping them in the loop, hangouts going on, once I realise they no longer read a certain group-chat. Even if they don't reply 4 out of 5 times, you will find they are super-grateful the fifth time. If you love them, keep an eye out for them. And even if you don't know anyone in this kind of situation, somebody you know probably does, so for their sake, start normalising the idea of keeping people in the loop whether they are on FB or not! (same goes for other networks/means of communication, but FB is extra bad because of its ubiquity and it's actively exploiting our human behaviour in a manner that is harmful to many individuals--while to groups appearing fine). > I've often seen the argument "well if they aren't meaningful friendships, it doesn't matter" but that's just not practical. Sometimes you'll reconnect with someone who you haven't spoken with in 5 years - that's occasionally how friendships work. Friendships aren't permanent and steady in intensity: they sometimes fade in and out. Quitting FB obliterates all those transient and potential future friendships. Except for pointing out the fact that last line is false and this fade in/out of friendships really does happen whether you're on FB or not, I'm just going to repeat: Ask any ex-addict. There's a lot of subtle nuances and facets to this fear of losing touch with certain people or potential future social contacts if you'd really really stop being a user. Be sure to ask one instead of assuming you know what they'll tell you. If you think you don't know any ex-addicts, try asking about alcohol. > We can reduce you saying "When you learn how to live without it" to you saying "When you learn how to live without interacting with a decent chunk of people that you know". But are you really. How can you even say you're interacting with a decent chunk of people that you know if that interaction is forcefully mediated through a singular channel of communication and you openly admit you're unable to really connect with them otherwise. > Does it seem so easy now? Face it, what seems hard is actually interacting with these people more, in a way that does not involve using FB together. It's that corporate-manufactured addictiveness talking. Just like the trying-to-quit alcoholic, finding it hard to expand their interaction with their friends to include things that do not involve consuming alcohol, getting pulled back in again every time. And if you're that far in, you have my compassion. Because that is hard. It starts with facing the facts and not making excuses, it is your social responsibility. On the bright side, working to expand your interaction with those you care about outside FB, is wholesome and fun. Chances are you might even reconnect with someone you haven't spoken in 5 years. [0] Naomi Klein, No Logo. With the rise of "branding", advertising shifted from "this is our product" and "it's better because it has Y" towards associating the product with a lifestyle, a social group often entirely unrelated to the product (Coca-Cola being the classic example, having gone through many lifestyle-guises, none of which having to do with consuming carbonated sugary chemical sludge). [1] 26.1% at time of posting, https://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=(facebook+users)/(world+population) https://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=(facebook+users)/(worl...
rubidium 9y ago
Just stop. Do other things. Plenty of people seem to find a way and live great and wonderful lives without facebook. You can too. I get what you're saying regarding the utility of facebook, but it's really not missed much once you leave.
abyssin 9y ago
I stopped using the harmful part of Facebook, ie the newsfeed, which is designed to create an addictive behaviour, using the following technique. On every single post in my newsfeed, I tell the application I no longer want to see content from the source. It takes some weeks to dry up, but you end up with an empty page. You still get notifications related to your events, group activities, and you can still use the messages. By the way, here's another tip, if you want to read and send messages on mobile without installing the app: use mbasic.fb.com instead of the default m.facebook.com URL.
- tarr11 9y ago
  this is really cool! FWIW - mbasic.fb.com does not work. But mbasic.facebook.com does.
- rdruxn 9y ago
  There are dozens of browser extensions that just hide the newsfeed. No need to go through all that labor.
  - j_s 9y ago
    Make Hacker News Your Facebook Newsfeed https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14755217 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14755217
  - barbs 9y ago
    I made one for Firefox on Android (should work on iOS too). https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/hide-mobile-facebook-news-feed/ https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/hide-mobile-f...
  - unicornporn 9y ago
    Relying on extensions on every browser on every browser I use seems cumbersome? I've unfollowed everything and everyone, and it works on every device without extension. There was a way to batch this.
  - ck425 9y ago
    None that work with Chrome Android though. :(
kronos29296 9y ago
Replaced it with whatsapp for communication with friends (not fb friends but Friends). I just have a facebook account cuz everybody else has one but it is filled with notifications and messages that I don't reply to. All the people around me know that I don't respond to. Viola, I am free of facebook and don't use it though I still have an account and have never deactivated it. Maybe it will not work for you. P.S HN seems to be a bigger problem than FB for me atleast. Can't stop reading all posts and comments everyday.
- AndrewKemendo 9y ago
  So you moved from Facebook to Facebook (whatsapp of course is owned by Facebook and gets the equivalent amount of information on you). Did you just want a different interface?
  - tonfa 9y ago
    It's much more limited, WA is e2e encrypted so only metadata is accessible.
  - thanatropism 9y ago
    It's a completely different product. As much as privacy is a legitimate concern, it's also a modern form of angst. So the existentialist mode that says "oh, you either have chicken and wait to die or have the beef and wait to die", which is demodé, gets replaced by "you either have chicken and get massacred by the social media-advertising-mass scale espionage nexus, or..." (Angst isn't necessarily a bad thing either, but you should know...)
  - kronos29296 9y ago
    Less time wasted? I mean regardless of what I do, they will continue collect data about me. It is just a question of how much I personally contribute and how much they acquire from my friends. The real gain is you are less addicted to news feeds with the cursed infinite scrolling. A big gain for me.
deleted 9y ago
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sjg007 9y ago
Just use messenger?
elorant 9y ago
So tell me, how do i replace around 5 different group chats i have on messenger which can have anywhere between 5-10 people in each chat? You throw a party and get to talk to everyone. I mean come on, we used to socialize before social networks.
- gertef 9y ago
  Many of us did not, because throwing a party is expensive and complicated.
  - rhizome31 9y ago
    It doesn't have to be expensive if you tell everybody to bring something to eat or drink. It does require à bit of organization but nothing very complicated. If your place is too small you can do a picnic in a public park.
  - deleted 9y ago
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mouldysammich 9y ago
For music i find songkick https://www.songkick.com/ https://www.songkick.com/ is very good. I usually get information for bands i like from them before i see it on facebook.
rkul 9y ago
Fb was taking too much of my time and attention since it was super easy to scroll either mobile or desktop. What worked for me: 1. Delete facebook app from phone (hiding it didnt work) 2. Install Newsfeed eradicator chrome extension Result: still maintaining communication with friends via messenger app and checking facebook only once in a while for events etc. News Feed was the attention grabber. Helped me to get back attention and time. Would recommend.
deleted 9y ago
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dalanmiller 9y ago
The Facebook API is pretty easy to use. I'd recommend writing some scripts and then PushBullet'ing them to you as necessary. The goal is to prevent yourself as much as you can from opening facebook.com.
strathmeyer 9y ago
e mail; these technologies such as WhatsApp are derogatorily referred to as e mail-killers.
notspanishflu 9y ago
Use Telegram groups. https://telegram.org/faq#q-what-makes-telegram-groups-cool https://telegram.org/faq#q-what-makes-telegram-groups-cool
arkh 9y ago
> if anyone wants to organize a plan that has more than 8 people, facebook groups make it much much easier. So, there is this thing which a little old: emails. It is wonderful to organize things. For group chats you also have some old shit like IRC. You get your beloved hashtag too.
- QAPereo 9y ago
  Although beware that # does a slightly different thing.
darepublic 9y ago
For me it was easy.. but then again I have few real friends, and those I keep in touch with by other means
chrischen 9y ago
The group chats are just standard messenger services that’s basically interchangeable with imessage, gchat, msn messenger, aim, whatsapp, line, wechat, or kakaotalk. It’s ok to use that part since it’s basically a commodity feature that can be swapped if it becomes bad. That being said, they do read your messenger chats.
aryehof 9y ago
I recommend making an entirely fake persona for Facebook and use it only for necessary groups and chats. Use the mobile web interface exclusively, and don't install any related mobile apps.
Sir_Substance 9y ago
You know how when you recommend to someone that they should start going to the gym, they always have a laundry list of problems? "It's too far away", "I don't trust them with my credit card", "I don't like exercising in front of people", "I need to be careful of my back", "I don't have time after work and I can't show up sweaty". Ultimately, they just don't want to go to the gym. Nothing on that list is hard to solve, if you decide to go to the gym. If you don't have any drive to go to the gym, it's an unscalable and infinite wall of problems. I can give you solution to the problems you've listed. In my experience, people will use other messenger solutions if you just ask them. Facebook users are a demographic that care nothing for installing another app on their phones. Pick one, and ask people to use it. Try wickr. There are dozens of online event organizers that can replace facebook's event RSVP, although I generally just talk to people like a human being. If the music events you enjoy are promoted /only/ on facebook, then they're relatively niche affairs. Get involved with them. Hell, offer to be their "promotes in places that aren't facebook" guy in exchange for free tickets. Be a community builder. But these ideas won't be acceptable to you, and even if they were you'd have a thousand other objections up your sleeve, because ultimately you don't actually want to leave facebook. I'm not going to try to frog-march you out the door, but lets not pretend there are actually any meaningful barriers there.

Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago

It's not that hard, you've just forgotten how to do these things without Facebook. >I personally hate facebook's mobile apps and some it's policies ( Internet.org comes 1st to my mind), but it's hard to completely stop using it. Try it! Deactivate your account for a week. Do it again later for two weeks. Maybe for a month. When you learn how to live without it, delete it.

compiler-guy 9y ago
This is a painfully simplistic response. No matter what I do, several activities and groups I want to be a part of are only advertised and organized on facebook. It's not within my power to change that. And that, in fact, _does_ makes it hard to avoid using facebook without being left out.
- tdurden 9y ago
  > And that, in fact, _does_ makes it hard to avoid using facebook without being left out. I think you might mean _fear_ of being left out...friends will find other ways to contact you.
  - compiler-guy 9y ago
    Fear has nothing to do with it. When I was not on facebook, I was getting left out of activities and events that weren't exactly with friends, but more with common interests.
  - tedunangst 9y ago
    Or not. Maybe they just decide it's not worth the hassle of tracking down the outliers. I guess we can argue that anybody who's a real friend will message you using your preferred comm, though that cuts both ways. If you are a real friend, you'd message them back with their preferred system.
    - michaelmrose 9y ago
      Email is a system which you can assume virtually 100% of users have and doesn't force users to participate in a social network that has been shown to be harmful for a lot of users. Further email doesn't force you to participate in any particular service at all because it is a federated service. Assuming that someone should get a facebook to talk to you is like assuming someone should switch to sprint to call you. Imagine how moronic the world would be if all the different phone networks were disconnected from one another.
      - compiler-guy 9y ago
        Regardless of the morality, weirdness or absurdness, that ship has sailed. Many, many groups only use facebook, and if you want to be a part of them, you have to as well. I agree it is suboptimal, and whether or not it is worth the tradeoff is an individual decision, but that is the world we live in. The group level is where most of the rubber meets the road here.
      - tedunangst 9y ago
        I would estimate at most 10% of my Facebook friends have the same email address today that they had on the day we connected.
      - EGreg 9y ago
        I bet most teens do not use email for anything except work stuff.
        michaelmrose 9y ago
        How is your guess about other people useful info?
  - ozim 9y ago
    So you are basically saying that you can be an ass and make it harder for others to contact you. Then if they are worthy enough you they will spend their time installing whatever communication tool you use. I do not get the feeling that I can be a princess and I also have to care about relation.
  - ozim 9y ago
    So you are basically saying that you can be an ass and make it harder for others to contact you. Then if they are worthy enough you they will spend their time installing whatever communication tool you use. I do not get the feeling that I can be a princess and I also have to care about relation.
  - komali2 9y ago
    I don't think this is true. We always have that moment at parties, "Where's Kyle? Oh shit, he deleted his facebook and didn't see the invite, did anybody text him to tell him?!" No, we didn't, because 99% of our friends use the very useful party organizing app with integrated chat and picture sharing, Facebook.
    - Prefinem 9y ago
      Those aren't your friends buddy. >No, we didn't, because 99% of our friends use the very useful party organizing app with integrated chat and picture sharing, Facebook. My friends will actively invite me (I don't use facebook) to events if they want me there.
      - compiler-guy 9y ago
        And here we see the mismatch between the two camps: Sure, [good|strong|old|pick your adjective] friends will contact you regardless of your facebook involvement. But there are plenty of acquaintances, groups, events and whatnot that only get organized or contacted on facebook. And even so, why would you put the extra burden on your friends to contact you in a special way? Why wouldn't you make it easy for them to contact you? If I live on a mountain, 1,000 miles from everyone, people--even my friends--don't invite me to their parties because they don't think I'm available. I have isolated myself, and people take social cues from that. People also take clues from social isolation. I'm reminded of when I set my mother up for email. She really didn't think she needed it or would want it, "Getting a stamp just isn't that hard." But the fact of the matter is that the lower friction method of communication enabled her to be in contact with many, many more people. Facebook is even lower friction than that. "Those aren't your friends" ignores too many realities of life.
        Prefinem 9y ago
        > And even so, why would you put the extra burden on your friends to contact you in a special way? Why wouldn't you make it easy for them to contact you? Texting is just as easy as facebook messaging. Or they can use discord, slack, etc etc. facebook isn't the only way to contact someone that is easy. > But there are plenty of acquaintances, groups, events and whatnot that only get organized or contacted on facebook. Maybe this is because I grew an introvert, but I can deal with being by myself as well as most of my friends. Going to events, etc isn't a must have. It's something that you can do if you want too. If I want to go hang out, then I will contact people. I will make it easy for them to say yes/no/no response. But I don't have to be apart of every group meeting, or every little discussion.
- Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago
  >No matter what I do, several activities and groups I want to be a part of are only advertised and organized on facebook. It's not within my power to change that. It is. You have the power to choose what you want to be a part of. And these groups have more members than yourself - people who you can ask to help you stay up to date on meetings and such.
  - compiler-guy 9y ago
    I never said I didn't have the power to choose not to be a part of these groups. The point is that I want to be a part of them, and doing that without facebook is 10x the additional friction. Yes, I could ask someone to forward me the notices, and activities, but how do you propose I participate in the discussions of what to do? When the voting via facebook poll happens, how do you propose I make my voice heard. Now, you could argue that facebook isn't worth it. (And that is a perfectly reasonable position to take.) But that is a different position than, "It's easy to make these things work without facebook."
  - debaserab2 9y ago
    I'm sorry, but get real. People use technology because it assists and speeds up areas of their life. For many people, facebook far and away is the most convenient way to manage their social life simply because they have the greatest adoption within their social groups. Yes, we could "write someone a letter in the mail instead" or "ask a friend about the events on facebook" but that would defeat the point for the vast majority of us that aren't interested in spending hours managing our social contacts and calendars. You're not really giving solutions when you suggest things like that.
    - Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago
      The point I'm making is thus: if you acknowledge that Facebook is a bad influence on your life but you feel stuck with it, here's a low risk strategy for dipping your toes into life without it that you can try out. I don't spend hours managing my social contacts and calendars and I still feel connected with my family and my friends without Facebook. I'd like to point out that this thread has depressingly similar patterns compared to talking with drug addicts about their habit.
- michaelmrose 9y ago
  Promote giving up facebook or advertising via alternative means both to whomever organizes it and among your fellow users. Volunteer to help with those alternative means.
  - compiler-guy 9y ago
    Ask everyone to sign up for different methods of communication. Pick a method for managing the lists. Avoid the additional publicity public facebook postings get you when someone likes it. Those are real tradeoffs that many groups aren't willing to accept, regardless of how willing a single person is to shoulder the burden.
    - DrScump 9y ago
      Ask everyone to sign up for different methods of communication That's exactly what you are doing by insisting on Facebook use unnecessarily, when email is the true common denominator (doesn't everyone in your friends list have email?).
      - compiler-guy 9y ago
        Nearly everyone is already there, and the number that isn't continues to fall every year. Yes everyone already has email, but list management and group organization is much worse. Even compared to Google groups. And the fact is that most people prefer it.
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
- __jal 9y ago
  I don't use FB at all, and haven't, ever. I'm a part of two groups that do most of their business on FB, in an official role in one of them. I don't miss anything important, and find it beneficial that I miss the rest[1]. I've refused to be blackmailed into Facebook use by my family, so there's zero chance a friend or associate will get away with it. If people can't be arsed to email me about something they consider significant, I don't have time for them either. FOMO is a condition that happens in your head, as is how you let your peers treat you. It is within your power to deal with it. [1] I don't discount that informal bonding, chit-chat, etc.; it is an important part of a healthy lifestyle, group formation, etc. I prefer the in-person sort, and for virtual, there's a whole internet out there that is not FB.
debaserab2 9y ago
It's not really possible if the majority (or even portions) of your social life use facebook to organize events. If you're interested in being a diligent contributor to your social group, you're either stuck trying to evangelize some other tool (usually less convenient for everyone else who doesn't mind facebook) or you're stuck asking for someone to check the FB event for you. You can't really disconnect and easily maintain a social life in this circumstance.
- Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago
  You will be surprised by how easy it is. Take the approach I suggested. Wane yourself off of it and don't quit entirely until you feel comfortable with it.
  - tedunangst 9y ago
    Perhaps you will be surprised to learn that not everybody is living the same life as you.
  - debaserab2 9y ago
    I'm not interested in doubling or tripling the amount of time it takes to manage my social calendar and I find your comments that seem to be treating it like it's some kind of addiction to be a tad condescending for those of us who would close their account in a heartbeat if it wasn't such a necessary tool.
  - acomjean 9y ago
    I help out with an Art open studio event. Its really starting to be the case that people who are organizing events want to let members know about events and invite people via Facebook. We use that and email. Facebook is easy and somewhat effective. Some people use it for their whole social calendar. This is different from the old evite.com days, which was more email list based. I'm not on it so Facebook, but my Partner is so she keeps me posted on the social aspect of whats going on. If she wasn't I probably would have to be. Not being on it means stuff happens and I won't know. I'm ok with that, but it can be a bit isolating. There is only so much you can expect acquaintances to work to keep you in the loop. People like that its free (not like the services you pay for like meetup.com)
unethical_ban 9y ago
I just rejoined facebook. I call it giving in again, but really, I see a lot more of what's going on in the city than I could otherwise. There are some websites that try to fill this gap (sites like Meetup or do512.com) and physical bulletin boards at the coffee shops, but FB is by FAR the easiest, and sometimes the only, way to find out about things. And yeah, you can text, you can call, but "if" everyone is on facebook, it's a lot easier. I still have friends texting, but esp. for bigger group events, Fb is "just there" for most people. It's useful to be a part of that. I don't like it, I don't like their views on destroying privacy or discouraging pseudonyms, and I wish there was something that was better at Facebook than Facebook, but there isn't.
- paulie_a 9y ago
  Honestly I am not ready to simply delete my FB account, but I absolutely use it increasingly less. Every 3rd post is straight up an ad and generally an incredibly stupid ad. Social networks have become increasingly difficult to enjoy in my opinion because they have become insanely greedy and block the actual experience for why people want to be there. In the past 3 months I am down an Instagram account and LinkedIn. Snapchat is probably next due to the absolutely awful interface and general pointlessness.
johnfn 9y ago
> It's not that hard, you've just forgotten how to do these things without Facebook. This doesn't work because the world has changed since Facebook didn't exist. Now that it does, some forms of social interaction that existed outside of FB now only exist on FB. I have friends with whom FB is the only form of communication with them, and many more friends with whom FB is easily the primary form. You can't singlehandedly convince all of your friends to move off FB and onto a better platform. Especially since most of these friendships are kinda small. I've often seen the argument "well if they aren't meaningful friendships, it doesn't matter" but that's just not practical. Sometimes you'll reconnect with someone who you haven't spoken with in 5 years - that's occasionally how friendships work. Friendships aren't permanent and steady in intensity: they sometimes fade in and out. Quitting FB obliterates all those transient and potential future friendships. We can reduce you saying "When you learn how to live without it" to you saying "When you learn how to live without interacting with a decent chunk of people that you know". Does it seem so easy now?
- tripzilch 9y ago
  You can and should ask your friends to adapt if FB is the only form of communication they will have with you. First off, you're doing a terrible thing to yourself by framing it as if you have only two choices: Become FB's product or become ostracised from your social circle. The latter is a deeply-ingrained biological fear, back in our tribal hunter/gather days, this basically meant death. Advertising has been abusing this biological behavioural function since the early 80's[0] but Facebook is going to extremes by actually invading and parasitising off our current social fabric, rather than just promising a "cool" lifestyle on top, like branding does. In addition, by letting your friends do this, you are normalising the idea of "FB as only form of communication" for everybody else, too! There's so many people out there who would love to stop using FB that won't because they, like you, deeply fear being ostracised. More than you think (you won't find them on FB). If you feel that, just maybe, a single mega-corporation shouldn't be able to do this to more than 25% of all people in the whole wide world[1], then just maybe it's worth it to take a tiny bit of a stance and have a firm talk with your friends about this abuse, no? Then there's people that I've seen (on here) crying, "you seem to have it easy, apparently your friends+family will accept this and you have time to find other means of communication but I live far away from home and have no time, and I would be so incredibly lonely if I'd stop doing FB". If you really, really feel that way, here's a big, fat yell-out-loud piece of advice: YOU ARE ALREADY LONELY. BEING A FB USER JUST OBSCURES THIS FACT. START TAKING ACTION TO FIX THIS IN A HEALTHY WAY. You're a user, and your social network consists of users (even if many of them seem to do fine). Ask any ex-addict what that's worth. Finally, some of my friends have gone through hard times. Money, mental health, bad times. Sometimes they drop off the radar. Damage or lose their phone, disconnect from the social networks because of anxiety, shame or worries. These are the people that need their (real) social networks the most. I (and some of my friends with me) always make a point of SMS texting them about social stuff, keeping them in the loop, hangouts going on, once I realise they no longer read a certain group-chat. Even if they don't reply 4 out of 5 times, you will find they are super-grateful the fifth time. If you love them, keep an eye out for them. And even if you don't know anyone in this kind of situation, somebody you know probably does, so for their sake, start normalising the idea of keeping people in the loop whether they are on FB or not! (same goes for other networks/means of communication, but FB is extra bad because of its ubiquity and it's actively exploiting our human behaviour in a manner that is harmful to many individuals--while to groups appearing fine). > I've often seen the argument "well if they aren't meaningful friendships, it doesn't matter" but that's just not practical. Sometimes you'll reconnect with someone who you haven't spoken with in 5 years - that's occasionally how friendships work. Friendships aren't permanent and steady in intensity: they sometimes fade in and out. Quitting FB obliterates all those transient and potential future friendships. Except for pointing out the fact that last line is false and this fade in/out of friendships really does happen whether you're on FB or not, I'm just going to repeat: Ask any ex-addict. There's a lot of subtle nuances and facets to this fear of losing touch with certain people or potential future social contacts if you'd really really stop being a user. Be sure to ask one instead of assuming you know what they'll tell you. If you think you don't know any ex-addicts, try asking about alcohol. > We can reduce you saying "When you learn how to live without it" to you saying "When you learn how to live without interacting with a decent chunk of people that you know". But are you really. How can you even say you're interacting with a decent chunk of people that you know if that interaction is forcefully mediated through a singular channel of communication and you openly admit you're unable to really connect with them otherwise. > Does it seem so easy now? Face it, what seems hard is actually interacting with these people more, in a way that does not involve using FB together. It's that corporate-manufactured addictiveness talking. Just like the trying-to-quit alcoholic, finding it hard to expand their interaction with their friends to include things that do not involve consuming alcohol, getting pulled back in again every time. And if you're that far in, you have my compassion. Because that is hard. It starts with facing the facts and not making excuses, it is your social responsibility. On the bright side, working to expand your interaction with those you care about outside FB, is wholesome and fun. Chances are you might even reconnect with someone you haven't spoken in 5 years. [0] Naomi Klein, No Logo. With the rise of "branding", advertising shifted from "this is our product" and "it's better because it has Y" towards associating the product with a lifestyle, a social group often entirely unrelated to the product (Coca-Cola being the classic example, having gone through many lifestyle-guises, none of which having to do with consuming carbonated sugary chemical sludge). [1] 26.1% at time of posting, https://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=(facebook+users)/(world+population) https://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=(facebook+users)/(worl...

rubidium 9y ago

Just stop. Do other things. Plenty of people seem to find a way and live great and wonderful lives without facebook. You can too. I get what you're saying regarding the utility of facebook, but it's really not missed much once you leave.

abyssin 9y ago

I stopped using the harmful part of Facebook, ie the newsfeed, which is designed to create an addictive behaviour, using the following technique. On every single post in my newsfeed, I tell the application I no longer want to see content from the source. It takes some weeks to dry up, but you end up with an empty page. You still get notifications related to your events, group activities, and you can still use the messages. By the way, here's another tip, if you want to read and send messages on mobile without installing the app: use mbasic.fb.com instead of the default m.facebook.com URL.

tarr11 9y ago
this is really cool! FWIW - mbasic.fb.com does not work. But mbasic.facebook.com does.
rdruxn 9y ago
There are dozens of browser extensions that just hide the newsfeed. No need to go through all that labor.
- j_s 9y ago
  Make Hacker News Your Facebook Newsfeed https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14755217 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14755217
- barbs 9y ago
  I made one for Firefox on Android (should work on iOS too). https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/hide-mobile-facebook-news-feed/ https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/hide-mobile-f...
- unicornporn 9y ago
  Relying on extensions on every browser on every browser I use seems cumbersome? I've unfollowed everything and everyone, and it works on every device without extension. There was a way to batch this.
- ck425 9y ago
  None that work with Chrome Android though. :(

kronos29296 9y ago

Replaced it with whatsapp for communication with friends (not fb friends but Friends). I just have a facebook account cuz everybody else has one but it is filled with notifications and messages that I don't reply to. All the people around me know that I don't respond to. Viola, I am free of facebook and don't use it though I still have an account and have never deactivated it. Maybe it will not work for you. P.S HN seems to be a bigger problem than FB for me atleast. Can't stop reading all posts and comments everyday.

AndrewKemendo 9y ago
So you moved from Facebook to Facebook (whatsapp of course is owned by Facebook and gets the equivalent amount of information on you). Did you just want a different interface?
- tonfa 9y ago
  It's much more limited, WA is e2e encrypted so only metadata is accessible.
- thanatropism 9y ago
  It's a completely different product. As much as privacy is a legitimate concern, it's also a modern form of angst. So the existentialist mode that says "oh, you either have chicken and wait to die or have the beef and wait to die", which is demodé, gets replaced by "you either have chicken and get massacred by the social media-advertising-mass scale espionage nexus, or..." (Angst isn't necessarily a bad thing either, but you should know...)
- kronos29296 9y ago
  Less time wasted? I mean regardless of what I do, they will continue collect data about me. It is just a question of how much I personally contribute and how much they acquire from my friends. The real gain is you are less addicted to news feeds with the cursed infinite scrolling. A big gain for me.

deleted 9y ago

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sjg007 9y ago

Just use messenger?

elorant 9y ago

So tell me, how do i replace around 5 different group chats i have on messenger which can have anywhere between 5-10 people in each chat? You throw a party and get to talk to everyone. I mean come on, we used to socialize before social networks.

gertef 9y ago
Many of us did not, because throwing a party is expensive and complicated.
- rhizome31 9y ago
  It doesn't have to be expensive if you tell everybody to bring something to eat or drink. It does require à bit of organization but nothing very complicated. If your place is too small you can do a picnic in a public park.
- deleted 9y ago
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- deleted 9y ago
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mouldysammich 9y ago

For music i find songkick https://www.songkick.com/ https://www.songkick.com/ is very good. I usually get information for bands i like from them before i see it on facebook.

rkul 9y ago

Fb was taking too much of my time and attention since it was super easy to scroll either mobile or desktop. What worked for me: 1. Delete facebook app from phone (hiding it didnt work) 2. Install Newsfeed eradicator chrome extension Result: still maintaining communication with friends via messenger app and checking facebook only once in a while for events etc. News Feed was the attention grabber. Helped me to get back attention and time. Would recommend.

deleted 9y ago

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dalanmiller 9y ago

The Facebook API is pretty easy to use. I'd recommend writing some scripts and then PushBullet'ing them to you as necessary. The goal is to prevent yourself as much as you can from opening facebook.com.

strathmeyer 9y ago

e mail; these technologies such as WhatsApp are derogatorily referred to as e mail-killers.

notspanishflu 9y ago

Use Telegram groups. https://telegram.org/faq#q-what-makes-telegram-groups-cool https://telegram.org/faq#q-what-makes-telegram-groups-cool

arkh 9y ago

> if anyone wants to organize a plan that has more than 8 people, facebook groups make it much much easier. So, there is this thing which a little old: emails. It is wonderful to organize things. For group chats you also have some old shit like IRC. You get your beloved hashtag too.

QAPereo 9y ago
Although beware that # does a slightly different thing.

darepublic 9y ago

For me it was easy.. but then again I have few real friends, and those I keep in touch with by other means

chrischen 9y ago

The group chats are just standard messenger services that’s basically interchangeable with imessage, gchat, msn messenger, aim, whatsapp, line, wechat, or kakaotalk. It’s ok to use that part since it’s basically a commodity feature that can be swapped if it becomes bad. That being said, they do read your messenger chats.

aryehof 9y ago

I recommend making an entirely fake persona for Facebook and use it only for necessary groups and chats. Use the mobile web interface exclusively, and don't install any related mobile apps.

Sir_Substance 9y ago

You know how when you recommend to someone that they should start going to the gym, they always have a laundry list of problems? "It's too far away", "I don't trust them with my credit card", "I don't like exercising in front of people", "I need to be careful of my back", "I don't have time after work and I can't show up sweaty". Ultimately, they just don't want to go to the gym. Nothing on that list is hard to solve, if you decide to go to the gym. If you don't have any drive to go to the gym, it's an unscalable and infinite wall of problems. I can give you solution to the problems you've listed. In my experience, people will use other messenger solutions if you just ask them. Facebook users are a demographic that care nothing for installing another app on their phones. Pick one, and ask people to use it. Try wickr. There are dozens of online event organizers that can replace facebook's event RSVP, although I generally just talk to people like a human being. If the music events you enjoy are promoted /only/ on facebook, then they're relatively niche affairs. Get involved with them. Hell, offer to be their "promotes in places that aren't facebook" guy in exchange for free tickets. Be a community builder. But these ideas won't be acceptable to you, and even if they were you'd have a thousand other objections up your sleeve, because ultimately you don't actually want to leave facebook. I'm not going to try to frog-march you out the door, but lets not pretend there are actually any meaningful barriers there.