Sure, it's possible if e.g. there was a hostage situation and somehow I was the only one with a gun. But I would feel no pride and the shame would stay with me

Sure, it's possible if e.g. there was a hostage situation and somehow I was the only one with a gun. But I would feel no pride and the shame would stay with me for the rest of my life. The cavalierness of "self-defense fetishism" worries me.