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It's never too late to turn to the Dharma. I lost a child recently and the only hope I can find out of it has been to study what the Buddha taught. > if we sta

by spraak 9y ago

It's never too late to turn to the Dharma. I lost a child recently and the only hope I can find out of it has been to study what the Buddha taught. > if we start thinking about impermanence now, while we still have time to find skillful means to deal with it, then later we will not be caught unaware. Even though in the short term the contemplation of death and impermanence might cause discomfort, in the long term it will actually save us from greater suffering. [1] 1. http://rinpoche.com/teachings/sevenpoints.htm http://rinpoche.com/teachings/sevenpoints.htm

dodododo 9y ago
This seems so predatory. Instead of proselytizing, why not just hold off and try to understand what this person is going through? Practicing your own human empathy on human terms is far more important than whatever list of teachings you might find out there.
- mythrwy 9y ago
  That's one way to look at it. A more charitable view is perhaps they found something that helped and wanted to pass it along.
- spraak 9y ago
  Firstly I'm really sorry you felt I was being pushy. I don't feel I have anything to gain from what I shared, which is how I interpret proselytizing: my child died. Six weeks ago. So yeah, I'm on a lot of pain, and reading these texts are what have helped me through weeks of tears. Maybe it's inappropriate for me to share that so casually here, but I truly hoped it may help someone else going through death, or being around it. And you're right, I can continue to practice empathy. And for me, these texts point to how to do that... maybe someone else would find it helpful too.
  - MGuznoyzner 9y ago
    From the perspective of this impartial atheist you didn't come off as pushy. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace.
Koshkin 9y ago
So much to learn, so little time... Probably not worth it.
Jach 9y ago
Or stoicism. > The will of nature may be learned from those things in which we don't distinguish from each other. For example, when our neighbor's boy breaks a cup, or the like, we are presently ready to say, "These things will happen." Be assured, then, that when your own cup likewise is broken, you ought to be affected just as when another's cup was broken. Apply this in like manner to greater things. Is the child or wife of another dead? There is no one who would not say, "This is a human accident." but if anyone's own child happens to die, it is presently, "Alas I how wretched am I!" But it should be remembered how we are affected in hearing the same thing concerning others. http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html Or rap music. There's no hell more harsh than a memory There's no home more hell than an empty nest Winter takes the warm away, spring takes the cold away Summer takes the rain away and fall took away my friend I believe there's never a place better than right where you are Although imagining an afterlife can tend to mend a broken heart And with someone dead, it's a way of coping with loss But I don't need you out there somewhere if I have you in my thoughts I don't envy anyone in a position where they're forced to choose Pull the plug or not I can't tell if this is for me or you I mean I know you're sick, tired, and confused But sometimes letting the tired go to sleep is the best thing to do https://youtu.be/Ajw-aEtrpJE https://youtu.be/Ajw-aEtrpJE Or fighting it with cryonics, SENS, other medical research etc. But pretty much any religion or everyman-philosophy has something to say about death. I have the same reaction as the green sibling, if something comes off as proselytizing it's pretty gross. Hitchens on death-bed conversion: https://youtu.be/q4cPe_YS8i8 https://youtu.be/q4cPe_YS8i8 Just be considerate that your way isn't the only way if the suggestion really comes from a good intention, which in these cases with personal experience I tend to believe does.
- spraak 9y ago
  > if something comes off as proselytizing it's pretty gross Thanks for sharing additional helpful and cathartic resources. Reading texts like I linked is in the same spirit you may enjoy what you've shared. It may be you're incensed by the religious connotation of what I said. But I have nothing to gain from sharing it, just the hope it may help others. Sorry if you felt it was pushy.
stordoff 9y ago
FWIW, I don't think you came off as pushy or predatory (as someone who is firmly on the atheist side of things), but any suggestion of religion can easily cross that line when someone is in an emotional malleable state such as this. I think that's why people tend to be a little jumpy about it.

by spraak 9y ago

dodododo 9y ago

This seems so predatory. Instead of proselytizing, why not just hold off and try to understand what this person is going through? Practicing your own human empathy on human terms is far more important than whatever list of teachings you might find out there.

mythrwy 9y ago
That's one way to look at it. A more charitable view is perhaps they found something that helped and wanted to pass it along.
spraak 9y ago
Firstly I'm really sorry you felt I was being pushy. I don't feel I have anything to gain from what I shared, which is how I interpret proselytizing: my child died. Six weeks ago. So yeah, I'm on a lot of pain, and reading these texts are what have helped me through weeks of tears. Maybe it's inappropriate for me to share that so casually here, but I truly hoped it may help someone else going through death, or being around it. And you're right, I can continue to practice empathy. And for me, these texts point to how to do that... maybe someone else would find it helpful too.
- MGuznoyzner 9y ago
  From the perspective of this impartial atheist you didn't come off as pushy. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace.

Koshkin 9y ago

So much to learn, so little time... Probably not worth it.

Jach 9y ago

Or stoicism. > The will of nature may be learned from those things in which we don't distinguish from each other. For example, when our neighbor's boy breaks a cup, or the like, we are presently ready to say, "These things will happen." Be assured, then, that when your own cup likewise is broken, you ought to be affected just as when another's cup was broken. Apply this in like manner to greater things. Is the child or wife of another dead? There is no one who would not say, "This is a human accident." but if anyone's own child happens to die, it is presently, "Alas I how wretched am I!" But it should be remembered how we are affected in hearing the same thing concerning others. http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html Or rap music. There's no hell more harsh than a memory There's no home more hell than an empty nest Winter takes the warm away, spring takes the cold away Summer takes the rain away and fall took away my friend I believe there's never a place better than right where you are Although imagining an afterlife can tend to mend a broken heart And with someone dead, it's a way of coping with loss But I don't need you out there somewhere if I have you in my thoughts I don't envy anyone in a position where they're forced to choose Pull the plug or not I can't tell if this is for me or you I mean I know you're sick, tired, and confused But sometimes letting the tired go to sleep is the best thing to do https://youtu.be/Ajw-aEtrpJE https://youtu.be/Ajw-aEtrpJE Or fighting it with cryonics, SENS, other medical research etc. But pretty much any religion or everyman-philosophy has something to say about death. I have the same reaction as the green sibling, if something comes off as proselytizing it's pretty gross. Hitchens on death-bed conversion: https://youtu.be/q4cPe_YS8i8 https://youtu.be/q4cPe_YS8i8 Just be considerate that your way isn't the only way if the suggestion really comes from a good intention, which in these cases with personal experience I tend to believe does.

spraak 9y ago
> if something comes off as proselytizing it's pretty gross Thanks for sharing additional helpful and cathartic resources. Reading texts like I linked is in the same spirit you may enjoy what you've shared. It may be you're incensed by the religious connotation of what I said. But I have nothing to gain from sharing it, just the hope it may help others. Sorry if you felt it was pushy.

stordoff 9y ago

FWIW, I don't think you came off as pushy or predatory (as someone who is firmly on the atheist side of things), but any suggestion of religion can easily cross that line when someone is in an emotional malleable state such as this. I think that's why people tend to be a little jumpy about it.