5 ms·

Is this... a thing? Surely you can escape it by just not going?

by jackvalentine 9y ago

ido 9y ago
i assumed it's at work
- Aaargh20318 9y ago
  It’s everywhere and all the time.
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
Aaargh20318 9y ago
I have to go to work to have an income, I have to go to a supermarket to get food. You can’t even order stuff online without getting a mailman at the door. I would be fine if I could limiti it to a couple of hours of human contact a month, but society forces me to have social interactions all day every day. It’s making me seriously depressed and super anxious.
- throwanem 9y ago
  That's a different thing from what it sounded like when I wrote my earlier comment.
- sotojuan 9y ago
  I can see not wanting to go outside but not even seeing a mailman (was going to suggest grocery delivering)? Not sure there's anything you can do - even remote working requires some interaction with people.
- p1mrx 9y ago
  I don't think social interaction is making you anxious; instead your anxiety causes you to construct a model of reality where social interactions are bad. You need to imagine your life from a third-person perspective, and realize that the way you feel resides entirely within your own brain, and is mutable. When you look at the world, you're seeing a stream of photons. Photons transport light, not emotion.
  - Aaargh20318 9y ago
    > I don't think social interaction is making you anxious; instead your anxiety causes you to construct a model of reality where social interactions are bad. Imagine having a live grenade in your pocket. The grenade is just powerful enough to seriously hurt you but not kill you. It's also unstable and will randomly go off once or twice a year (and will be replaced with a new one when it does). Now imagine if you were required to carry this grenade around every time you have to interact with humans. This is similar to what social interaction feels like to me. I am autistic and have trouble with nonverbal communication and reading between the lines. Any and all social interactions can lead to this 'grenade' exploding in my face. It can be something relatively harmless as being embarrassed or people getting angry with me to the point where I almost got into legal trouble for following instructions that were 'obviously' not supposed to be followed literally. Next to that, it's also super exhausting because none of it comes natural to me. If you want to walk to the other side of the room, you just will it and your legs move. Imagine if you couldn't do that and had to consciously tense and release each muscle in your legs to walk. Social interaction is like that to me. Everything is a conscious action, from trying to fake eye contact (and for how long), to posture, to choosing my words, to watching the other person's face/body and trying to figure out what that is saying. And last but not least, none of it is rewarding to me. When a 'normal' person has social interactions, this is supposedly pleasurable for them, which motivates them to seek it out and take risks while doing so. None of that works for me. I don't think it's strange that something that is exhausting, randomly hurtful and not in any way rewarding causes me anxiety. Having to do that 8 hours a day, just to be able to afford food and a roof over my head makes it even worse.
    - p1mrx 9y ago
      Clearly you have a solid understanding of the English language. Have you ever tried expressing your thoughts (provided that you can avoid being offensive) to someone in person? Like if the mailman is trying to make conversation, say "Sorry, I'm terrible at social stuff." If you follow directions too literally, say "Sorry, I'm a bit autistic." If you're really embarrassed, say "That was so embarrassing." Talking about your inner experience gives you something to talk about, and leaves the other person with a better understanding of the situation. I'm not actually sure if these are good ideas (I'm probably a bit autistic myself), but given that avoiding contact leaves you with no reputation whatsoever, having a reputation as a weird person isn't really any worse.
matz1 9y ago
Its like trying to losing weight by just eat less. Sure, technically you are correct but damn hard to do.

Is this... a thing? Surely you can escape it by just not going?

ido 9y ago

i assumed it's at work

Aaargh20318 9y ago
It’s everywhere and all the time.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]

Aaargh20318 9y ago

I have to go to work to have an income, I have to go to a supermarket to get food. You can’t even order stuff online without getting a mailman at the door. I would be fine if I could limiti it to a couple of hours of human contact a month, but society forces me to have social interactions all day every day. It’s making me seriously depressed and super anxious.

throwanem 9y ago
That's a different thing from what it sounded like when I wrote my earlier comment.
sotojuan 9y ago
I can see not wanting to go outside but not even seeing a mailman (was going to suggest grocery delivering)? Not sure there's anything you can do - even remote working requires some interaction with people.
p1mrx 9y ago
I don't think social interaction is making you anxious; instead your anxiety causes you to construct a model of reality where social interactions are bad. You need to imagine your life from a third-person perspective, and realize that the way you feel resides entirely within your own brain, and is mutable. When you look at the world, you're seeing a stream of photons. Photons transport light, not emotion.
- Aaargh20318 9y ago
  > I don't think social interaction is making you anxious; instead your anxiety causes you to construct a model of reality where social interactions are bad. Imagine having a live grenade in your pocket. The grenade is just powerful enough to seriously hurt you but not kill you. It's also unstable and will randomly go off once or twice a year (and will be replaced with a new one when it does). Now imagine if you were required to carry this grenade around every time you have to interact with humans. This is similar to what social interaction feels like to me. I am autistic and have trouble with nonverbal communication and reading between the lines. Any and all social interactions can lead to this 'grenade' exploding in my face. It can be something relatively harmless as being embarrassed or people getting angry with me to the point where I almost got into legal trouble for following instructions that were 'obviously' not supposed to be followed literally. Next to that, it's also super exhausting because none of it comes natural to me. If you want to walk to the other side of the room, you just will it and your legs move. Imagine if you couldn't do that and had to consciously tense and release each muscle in your legs to walk. Social interaction is like that to me. Everything is a conscious action, from trying to fake eye contact (and for how long), to posture, to choosing my words, to watching the other person's face/body and trying to figure out what that is saying. And last but not least, none of it is rewarding to me. When a 'normal' person has social interactions, this is supposedly pleasurable for them, which motivates them to seek it out and take risks while doing so. None of that works for me. I don't think it's strange that something that is exhausting, randomly hurtful and not in any way rewarding causes me anxiety. Having to do that 8 hours a day, just to be able to afford food and a roof over my head makes it even worse.
  - p1mrx 9y ago
    Clearly you have a solid understanding of the English language. Have you ever tried expressing your thoughts (provided that you can avoid being offensive) to someone in person? Like if the mailman is trying to make conversation, say "Sorry, I'm terrible at social stuff." If you follow directions too literally, say "Sorry, I'm a bit autistic." If you're really embarrassed, say "That was so embarrassing." Talking about your inner experience gives you something to talk about, and leaves the other person with a better understanding of the situation. I'm not actually sure if these are good ideas (I'm probably a bit autistic myself), but given that avoiding contact leaves you with no reputation whatsoever, having a reputation as a weird person isn't really any worse.

matz1 9y ago

Its like trying to losing weight by just eat less. Sure, technically you are correct but damn hard to do.