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I think there are different kinds of leadership. There is the kind you describe. Then there is the kind where you are someone who can't be ignored simply becaus

I think there are different kinds of leadership. There is the kind you describe. Then there is the kind where you are someone who can't be ignored simply because you are technically better than others around. When I'm in an amateur opera, I have my music memorized before the other people know their notes, and I never miss my part. People notice. When I'm taking a night class I say my opinion out loud whether it's what the teacher wants to hear or not, and I got 100% in the last 4 CS course I took. That's a kind of leadership. I'm not as smart or talented as many people on this site, but I do think I have tasted more failure, and am more terrified of underachieving, and I want success more badly than many of the rest, and you can bet your ass I have more free time. I am never ashamed of who I am, and I will meet you face to face, give you my real name, and look you in the eye. While other people were out doing "fun" things last month, I released my first two iPad apps and made 1200 dollars. It's not that much, to be sure, but give me some time, and it's a nice addition to working full time as well. Give me a few years, see if people I'm working with look up to me, and tell me I don't have the personality of a leader. I think I still won't be good enough for women though. Do I have a chip on my shoulder for this? Yes. I don't have any hatred for women. I just resent the fact that I am nearly completely unattractive to them, being the person I really am and strive to be. I look around on online personals sites and I'd be thrilled to get a relationship with at least 1/3 of them. In nearly all other areas of life, you can view the genders with symmetry, but someone who thinks low status males like me are playing in the same universe as almost any woman has just never been to an online dating site. There, yes, we might as well be different species. Yes I do think I'm hot shit, thank you very much, and I intend to prove it. Overcompensation? Fuck yes. Being more of a technical leader is something I want for my own terms, quite unlike being a phony who pretends that traveling gives me some stupid emotions that it doesn't. I hate airports and I will say so if asked. In that sense, having money and success will be my personal "protocol" that will allow women to discover the real me deep down. And I'm not really so bad, despite occasionally displaying my worst qualities, such as in this post:) For me, online dating is indeed an absurdly negative experience. Compared to a more equal environment, I do feel its pull to make me cynical and less happy to be a human being. I will see what kind of women I can attract in a few years, and the good part is that I only need one, and I will appreciate the hell out of her when I find her.

reneherse 16y ago
I think you'll have an easier time meeting women (and people in general) if you become a little more culturally active & outgoing. Your lifestyle is dominated by career/technical interests, which from your self description (and I say this with kindness) seems to make you a monotone personality. I sense that even you yourself are bored and frustrated with this monotony. If that is at all true, you must consider, what excitement and joy would you be bringing to a potential relationship? You've probably adopted your technical and career focus because of your dream to live up to your potential and be successful. And that's admirable, of course. But there is a lot more to having a fulfilling life than just the virtue of productive work. There is the more human and cultural side of life, of which your desire to date is a part of. It's time to expand your dream to include more of this other aspect of life. It's a big world, but you haven't yet allowed yourself to explore much of it, neither intellectually or physically. Forgive me if I overreach, but have you made a negative value judgement on your own curiosity about the world, in the name of becoming a more productive and better programmer? A worldly curiosity is what will give you breadth and diversity of experience, which in turn will make you a more interesting person, and ultimately make you a more creative problem solver and team member. It will also make you more socially comfortable and skilled. Pay attention to the impulse that led you to your previous pursuit of classical voice that you mentioned. That's an unusual and intriguing hobby, an art that connects you with a tradition spanning thousands of years. And of course, there are lots of cool, nerdy music girls who do it too (especially if you're near a college with a good arts program). You mentioned it was there that you had some success with women. I submit it wasn't just because some of the other guys were gay, it was because you were doing something unusual and interesting that made you seem more attractive as a person. You've (admirably) rejected the idea of the seedy seduction manuals. Those aren't what dating is about, anyway. In a healthy point of view dating and relationships aren't about games, tricks, and seduction, and you're mistaken if you think that is what people in relationships are actually doing. Dating is about discovering the interesting qualities of another person and exploring the world and reaches of human experience. It's also about being discovered as a person, by the other person. But you've got to have something interesting to discover. And for that you've got to be curious about the world first. So rather than just giving up on dating, gritting your teeth and forcing your nose closer to the grindstone with the goal of becoming "more powerful and wealthy" as a solution, I think you need to expand your curiosity, and the range and variety of your pursuits. PS- This isn't a throwaway account; it's my first post. And to be on topic: It's from someone who has had several very enjoyable long term relationships thanks to online dating sites.

reneherse 16y ago

I think you'll have an easier time meeting women (and people in general) if you become a little more culturally active & outgoing. Your lifestyle is dominated by career/technical interests, which from your self description (and I say this with kindness) seems to make you a monotone personality. I sense that even you yourself are bored and frustrated with this monotony. If that is at all true, you must consider, what excitement and joy would you be bringing to a potential relationship? You've probably adopted your technical and career focus because of your dream to live up to your potential and be successful. And that's admirable, of course. But there is a lot more to having a fulfilling life than just the virtue of productive work. There is the more human and cultural side of life, of which your desire to date is a part of. It's time to expand your dream to include more of this other aspect of life. It's a big world, but you haven't yet allowed yourself to explore much of it, neither intellectually or physically. Forgive me if I overreach, but have you made a negative value judgement on your own curiosity about the world, in the name of becoming a more productive and better programmer? A worldly curiosity is what will give you breadth and diversity of experience, which in turn will make you a more interesting person, and ultimately make you a more creative problem solver and team member. It will also make you more socially comfortable and skilled. Pay attention to the impulse that led you to your previous pursuit of classical voice that you mentioned. That's an unusual and intriguing hobby, an art that connects you with a tradition spanning thousands of years. And of course, there are lots of cool, nerdy music girls who do it too (especially if you're near a college with a good arts program). You mentioned it was there that you had some success with women. I submit it wasn't just because some of the other guys were gay, it was because you were doing something unusual and interesting that made you seem more attractive as a person. You've (admirably) rejected the idea of the seedy seduction manuals. Those aren't what dating is about, anyway. In a healthy point of view dating and relationships aren't about games, tricks, and seduction, and you're mistaken if you think that is what people in relationships are actually doing. Dating is about discovering the interesting qualities of another person and exploring the world and reaches of human experience. It's also about being discovered as a person, by the other person. But you've got to have something interesting to discover. And for that you've got to be curious about the world first. So rather than just giving up on dating, gritting your teeth and forcing your nose closer to the grindstone with the goal of becoming "more powerful and wealthy" as a solution, I think you need to expand your curiosity, and the range and variety of your pursuits. PS- This isn't a throwaway account; it's my first post. And to be on topic: It's from someone who has had several very enjoyable long term relationships thanks to online dating sites.