5 ms·

> Do you enjoy any sort of recreation, horsing around, pulling pranks, play acting, telling stories, fantasizing, scheming, etc? Yes all of that, in a way that

> Do you enjoy any sort of recreation, horsing around, pulling pranks, play acting, telling stories, fantasizing, scheming, etc? Yes all of that, in a way that isn't appealing to women. The kind of humour I enjoy includes dry self deprecation and obscure and nerdy tech jokes, and I literally am part of the reason why women don't get into computer science jobs. You can actually see the repulsive magnetic fields lines as they form patterns at a distance from me at parties, not quite knowing why they need to move but doing so anyhow. And you know what? I have the personality of leader, and I'm going to develop myself into more of one, and women can just go to guys like you when they want to tingle and shit. > Do you have other interests besides programming - travel, books, movies, anything? No, a little (and I recognize where your usernane is from), yes if I'm sitting with a girl, and some other things that vary over time, including most that are stereotypically male interests. (E.g. I love watching UFC with friends at a bar.) But anyway, I apologize if it appears like I'm playing a version of Eric Berne's game "Why don't you...? yes but...", or ressentiment or glorifying my own powerlessness or whatever. I'm really not after help, though I recognize you and others would sincerely like to provide it. I'm just pointing out that online dating really isn't the best path for everyone, especially for someone like me. I really am likable to some, but I just take a long time to get to know, and it has to be in person over time, and it can't be the sort of whiny entitled women online who are smart enough to understand the economics of scarcity:) My own best strategy will be a two-pronged attack - make a ton more money and get a lot more power (in my view, this is more honest than clowning my way through some speed seduction value elicitation NLP bullshit that revolts me). And along with it get off the internet more and do some things where there is continual interaction with women. Sometimes, I know from experience, even though such things aren't that enjoyable at first, they can take on a life of their own... E.g. the idea that supposedly Sartre got into philosophy to pick up girls.

bokonist 16y ago
The kind of humour I enjoy includes dry self deprecation Yeah, self-deprecating humor is definitely romantic death, I've kicked the habit over the years. The reason I asked about interests is that 95% of my time is spent with interests that women find uninteresting - programming, reading history, reading economics, sports. Thus when I talk with women, I make sure to only talk about the 5% (design, architecture, society, relationships, psychology, travel) that women find interesting. In this way I am both authentic to myself ( I am genuinely interested in these topics), but also can make decent conversation. I'm really not after help, though I recognize you and others would sincerely like to provide it. I used to have a similar attitude to you, and similar droughts. So I feel oddly compelled to give the unsolicited advice that I wish someone had given me. I have the personality of leader, and I'm going to develop myself into more of one, and women can just go to guys like you when they want to tingle and shit. The arts of leadership are in many ways the arts of seduction. make a ton more money and get a lot more power All the best to you, but in the modern world this is one of the least efficient ways to try and find female companionship.
- lsc 16y ago
  > interests that women find uninteresting - programming, reading history, reading economics, sports. Thus when I talk with women, I make sure to only talk about the 5% (design, architecture, society, relationships, psychology, travel) Wow... are you sure that all women are so homogeneous?
  - impeachgod 16y ago
    Women ARE fairly homogenous. Date transsexuals, they're better.
Helianthus16 16y ago
>I have the personality of leader, You are entirely wrong, if you accept the rest of your post at face value. Women like leadership. Leadership in its most primal form is not about intelligence, decisiveness, alpha male-ness, or what-have-you. Leadership is about people believing you have any of those powers (or some several I forgot). And that's where you're going entirely wrong! You think that such a belief is worthless. You think that people give up something when they follow a leader. A leader is just one who takes the desires and wishes of the people who follow them into his/her own heart. You think that women are really such base operators and are upset at them for that. And that makes it impossible for you to see them as human. If you think that making money and power will get you women, you're entirely right. You'll hit the point at which such things are so attractive that your other "defects" won't matter. Money can buy anything with a pricetag, and power can buy anything that can be intimidated. But you won't be happy until you realize that you're on an equal level with those women whom you despise. And that's the core of why I'm angry with you. You think you're better than women because they fall for speed seduction value elicitation bullshit, but at the same time you think you're hot shit ("personality of leader") and buy into same shit in your seeking of power. Do you think women will interest you once you can buy them? The better framework is that yes, there are women who will fall for power and money; yes, there are women who will be seduced by "demonstration of value"; but there are a lot of women. Even speed seduction respects women's choice by taking tactics that try to influence it. I apologize, I'm being harsh in calling you out so thoroughly. I'm a little drunk. But fuck it, this story is about online dating in an absurdly negative light, and I've had more than a few friends succeed in online dating because they were serious about finding and evaluating someone. Good luck in whatever sort of woman you choose to pursue.
- WilliamLP 16y ago
  I think there are different kinds of leadership. There is the kind you describe. Then there is the kind where you are someone who can't be ignored simply because you are technically better than others around. When I'm in an amateur opera, I have my music memorized before the other people know their notes, and I never miss my part. People notice. When I'm taking a night class I say my opinion out loud whether it's what the teacher wants to hear or not, and I got 100% in the last 4 CS course I took. That's a kind of leadership. I'm not as smart or talented as many people on this site, but I do think I have tasted more failure, and am more terrified of underachieving, and I want success more badly than many of the rest, and you can bet your ass I have more free time. I am never ashamed of who I am, and I will meet you face to face, give you my real name, and look you in the eye. While other people were out doing "fun" things last month, I released my first two iPad apps and made 1200 dollars. It's not that much, to be sure, but give me some time, and it's a nice addition to working full time as well. Give me a few years, see if people I'm working with look up to me, and tell me I don't have the personality of a leader. I think I still won't be good enough for women though. Do I have a chip on my shoulder for this? Yes. I don't have any hatred for women. I just resent the fact that I am nearly completely unattractive to them, being the person I really am and strive to be. I look around on online personals sites and I'd be thrilled to get a relationship with at least 1/3 of them. In nearly all other areas of life, you can view the genders with symmetry, but someone who thinks low status males like me are playing in the same universe as almost any woman has just never been to an online dating site. There, yes, we might as well be different species. Yes I do think I'm hot shit, thank you very much, and I intend to prove it. Overcompensation? Fuck yes. Being more of a technical leader is something I want for my own terms, quite unlike being a phony who pretends that traveling gives me some stupid emotions that it doesn't. I hate airports and I will say so if asked. In that sense, having money and success will be my personal "protocol" that will allow women to discover the real me deep down. And I'm not really so bad, despite occasionally displaying my worst qualities, such as in this post:) For me, online dating is indeed an absurdly negative experience. Compared to a more equal environment, I do feel its pull to make me cynical and less happy to be a human being. I will see what kind of women I can attract in a few years, and the good part is that I only need one, and I will appreciate the hell out of her when I find her.
psyklic 16y ago
Ask a girl to tell you a joke, laugh at it genuinely. Then say you have one too, but warn her that your sense of humor is dry and nerdy (with a grin) :) They'll love that! Your personality won't drive people away, as long as you make a good first impression. After that, you can be yourself! To practice, you should try speed dating. If you really think no girl is interested, then just for fun, write YES to every girl you meet so they will tell you how many matches -- I bet you'll get more than you expect ;)
loewenskind 16y ago
>I have the personality of leader, and I'm going to develop myself into more of one From your posts on here it appears you're confusing "leader" for "asshole". Part of actually having "the personality of leader" is charisma. Your posts make it sound like you have anti-charisma.

bokonist 16y ago

The kind of humour I enjoy includes dry self deprecation Yeah, self-deprecating humor is definitely romantic death, I've kicked the habit over the years. The reason I asked about interests is that 95% of my time is spent with interests that women find uninteresting - programming, reading history, reading economics, sports. Thus when I talk with women, I make sure to only talk about the 5% (design, architecture, society, relationships, psychology, travel) that women find interesting. In this way I am both authentic to myself ( I am genuinely interested in these topics), but also can make decent conversation. I'm really not after help, though I recognize you and others would sincerely like to provide it. I used to have a similar attitude to you, and similar droughts. So I feel oddly compelled to give the unsolicited advice that I wish someone had given me. I have the personality of leader, and I'm going to develop myself into more of one, and women can just go to guys like you when they want to tingle and shit. The arts of leadership are in many ways the arts of seduction. make a ton more money and get a lot more power All the best to you, but in the modern world this is one of the least efficient ways to try and find female companionship.

lsc 16y ago
> interests that women find uninteresting - programming, reading history, reading economics, sports. Thus when I talk with women, I make sure to only talk about the 5% (design, architecture, society, relationships, psychology, travel) Wow... are you sure that all women are so homogeneous?
- impeachgod 16y ago
  Women ARE fairly homogenous. Date transsexuals, they're better.

Helianthus16 16y ago

>I have the personality of leader, You are entirely wrong, if you accept the rest of your post at face value. Women like leadership. Leadership in its most primal form is not about intelligence, decisiveness, alpha male-ness, or what-have-you. Leadership is about people believing you have any of those powers (or some several I forgot). And that's where you're going entirely wrong! You think that such a belief is worthless. You think that people give up something when they follow a leader. A leader is just one who takes the desires and wishes of the people who follow them into his/her own heart. You think that women are really such base operators and are upset at them for that. And that makes it impossible for you to see them as human. If you think that making money and power will get you women, you're entirely right. You'll hit the point at which such things are so attractive that your other "defects" won't matter. Money can buy anything with a pricetag, and power can buy anything that can be intimidated. But you won't be happy until you realize that you're on an equal level with those women whom you despise. And that's the core of why I'm angry with you. You think you're better than women because they fall for speed seduction value elicitation bullshit, but at the same time you think you're hot shit ("personality of leader") and buy into same shit in your seeking of power. Do you think women will interest you once you can buy them? The better framework is that yes, there are women who will fall for power and money; yes, there are women who will be seduced by "demonstration of value"; but there are a lot of women. Even speed seduction respects women's choice by taking tactics that try to influence it. I apologize, I'm being harsh in calling you out so thoroughly. I'm a little drunk. But fuck it, this story is about online dating in an absurdly negative light, and I've had more than a few friends succeed in online dating because they were serious about finding and evaluating someone. Good luck in whatever sort of woman you choose to pursue.

WilliamLP 16y ago
I think there are different kinds of leadership. There is the kind you describe. Then there is the kind where you are someone who can't be ignored simply because you are technically better than others around. When I'm in an amateur opera, I have my music memorized before the other people know their notes, and I never miss my part. People notice. When I'm taking a night class I say my opinion out loud whether it's what the teacher wants to hear or not, and I got 100% in the last 4 CS course I took. That's a kind of leadership. I'm not as smart or talented as many people on this site, but I do think I have tasted more failure, and am more terrified of underachieving, and I want success more badly than many of the rest, and you can bet your ass I have more free time. I am never ashamed of who I am, and I will meet you face to face, give you my real name, and look you in the eye. While other people were out doing "fun" things last month, I released my first two iPad apps and made 1200 dollars. It's not that much, to be sure, but give me some time, and it's a nice addition to working full time as well. Give me a few years, see if people I'm working with look up to me, and tell me I don't have the personality of a leader. I think I still won't be good enough for women though. Do I have a chip on my shoulder for this? Yes. I don't have any hatred for women. I just resent the fact that I am nearly completely unattractive to them, being the person I really am and strive to be. I look around on online personals sites and I'd be thrilled to get a relationship with at least 1/3 of them. In nearly all other areas of life, you can view the genders with symmetry, but someone who thinks low status males like me are playing in the same universe as almost any woman has just never been to an online dating site. There, yes, we might as well be different species. Yes I do think I'm hot shit, thank you very much, and I intend to prove it. Overcompensation? Fuck yes. Being more of a technical leader is something I want for my own terms, quite unlike being a phony who pretends that traveling gives me some stupid emotions that it doesn't. I hate airports and I will say so if asked. In that sense, having money and success will be my personal "protocol" that will allow women to discover the real me deep down. And I'm not really so bad, despite occasionally displaying my worst qualities, such as in this post:) For me, online dating is indeed an absurdly negative experience. Compared to a more equal environment, I do feel its pull to make me cynical and less happy to be a human being. I will see what kind of women I can attract in a few years, and the good part is that I only need one, and I will appreciate the hell out of her when I find her.

psyklic 16y ago

Ask a girl to tell you a joke, laugh at it genuinely. Then say you have one too, but warn her that your sense of humor is dry and nerdy (with a grin) :) They'll love that! Your personality won't drive people away, as long as you make a good first impression. After that, you can be yourself! To practice, you should try speed dating. If you really think no girl is interested, then just for fun, write YES to every girl you meet so they will tell you how many matches -- I bet you'll get more than you expect ;)

loewenskind 16y ago

>I have the personality of leader, and I'm going to develop myself into more of one From your posts on here it appears you're confusing "leader" for "asshole". Part of actually having "the personality of leader" is charisma. Your posts make it sound like you have anti-charisma.