To be clear, I try to make sure it's in no way an 'open' challenge. Usually it's an entirely innocuous question that at least for me is a 'tell'. And usually at

To be clear, I try to make sure it's in no way an 'open' challenge. Usually it's an entirely innocuous question that at least for me is a 'tell'. And usually at least a few more of those to make sure. It's not about tearing down someone else, it's about assessing the validity of someone's statements. I might have presented it as more suspicious/antagonistic than I meant. My actual approach is pretty much as you describe in your last paragraph. Basically, my approach to 'new humans' is the biblical adage: "be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves", because I do believe, as in the biblical context, that good people are sheep among wolves. I try to be a good sheep, but I know for a fact that I can't handle wolves without being clever. So far it works pretty well for me, but I've found it difficult sometimes to explain how I try to be both a sheep but shrewd, calculation but not shrewd or manipulative.