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I think it's generally not useful to attempt to assess a person's honesty through conversation. It is very hard to distinguish between lies, foggy memory, or a

by abtinf 9y ago

I think it's generally not useful to attempt to assess a person's honesty through conversation. It is very hard to distinguish between lies, foggy memory, or a poor conceptualization on the speaker's part. Whether its a good plan to challenge someone's honesty actually has nothing to do with whether or not that person is lying, even if I have certainty and evidence. The question is: what is the best thing I can do for my life? If my accountant lies to me, I will call the police. But if someone turns out to not be skilled as claimed? It depends on context. It doesn't advance my life to tear down someone else; the best thing I can do is try to build my own understanding and take action. My approach is to be curious, actively listen, and ask clarifying questions. This can be as simple as saying "tell me more about that." Once I have enough information and context, I can judge claims and ideas directly.

mercer 9y ago
To be clear, I try to make sure it's in no way an 'open' challenge. Usually it's an entirely innocuous question that at least for me is a 'tell'. And usually at least a few more of those to make sure. It's not about tearing down someone else, it's about assessing the validity of someone's statements. I might have presented it as more suspicious/antagonistic than I meant. My actual approach is pretty much as you describe in your last paragraph. Basically, my approach to 'new humans' is the biblical adage: "be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves", because I do believe, as in the biblical context, that good people are sheep among wolves. I try to be a good sheep, but I know for a fact that I can't handle wolves without being clever. So far it works pretty well for me, but I've found it difficult sometimes to explain how I try to be both a sheep but shrewd, calculation but not shrewd or manipulative.

by abtinf 9y ago

mercer 9y ago

To be clear, I try to make sure it's in no way an 'open' challenge. Usually it's an entirely innocuous question that at least for me is a 'tell'. And usually at least a few more of those to make sure. It's not about tearing down someone else, it's about assessing the validity of someone's statements. I might have presented it as more suspicious/antagonistic than I meant. My actual approach is pretty much as you describe in your last paragraph. Basically, my approach to 'new humans' is the biblical adage: "be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves", because I do believe, as in the biblical context, that good people are sheep among wolves. I try to be a good sheep, but I know for a fact that I can't handle wolves without being clever. So far it works pretty well for me, but I've found it difficult sometimes to explain how I try to be both a sheep but shrewd, calculation but not shrewd or manipulative.