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I'm trying to figure out: (1) how much time a newborn will actually demand from me and my wife, and (2) how we will fit in all the things we have decided must c

I'm trying to figure out: (1) how much time a newborn will actually demand from me and my wife, and (2) how we will fit in all the things we have decided must continue to happen (e.g. me still having a fulltime job, both of us getting regular exercise and a bit of downtime, etc).

dfdashh 16y ago
First of all, congrats! I have a three month old, and all I can say is that you just learn to cope. I've realized that some of my goals are going to have to slip for the time being while I care for my wonderful little girl. As for exercise, planning makes all of the difference! I bike to/from work or exercise over lunch, while my wife works out after work while I pick our daughter up from daycare (we alternate days). On the weekends we use a jogging stroller to get our hearts pumping while the little one snoozes away...
- huhtenberg 16y ago
  Three month old baby in a daycare? Woah.
  - run4yourlives 16y ago
    Welcome to the US. Pretty much the rest of the developed world gets 1 year parental/maternal benefits as a social construct.
pchristensen 16y ago
Congrats! Here's the advice of a father of two: 1) Less and more than you think. Bank on at least one to two hours out of every four (that's about their sleep-wake cycle for the first couple months). Very little of it is hard if they're not sick, but the cycle is relentless. 2) Babies are very portable for the first 6 months or so b/c they're so oblivious to the world. Wake-up, change them, feed them, interact for a while, put them back to sleep for another 2 hours and they don't care what else you're doing. One parent having a full time job is easy, two is expensive and hard. Downtime is plentiful because of the frequent naps. Ditto for exercise as long as you're going one at a time while the other tends baby and unwinds. Ironically, scheduling is much harder once the baby sleeps through the night, because at that age they're much more alert and aware during the day and therefore need a more rigid nap time routine. It gets a little better around 12-18 months when they go from two naps to one, and even better around 3-4 yrs when they drop the daytime nap and stay up all day.
- ganley 16y ago
  Huh. My answer (as a father of 3) to how much time they'll consume would, only slightly facetiously, be "all of it." Your math about sleep cycles is way wrong, and the idea that you'll still have half the free time you used to is laughable. Assuming a more or less 'normal' work schedule, most of the time they're sleeping, this guy will either be at work or will be sleeping himself. My advice is to assume that for a few years you're going to have very little downtime unless you don't sleep much or don't feel the need to see your wife much.
  - jackmanbob 16y ago
    To say that he's wrong and that his ideas are laughable is very small-minded. He stated that he's a father of two -- he knows what he's talking about. If his statements don't describe your experience, that's because you've had different experiences -- not because he's wrong.
  - jaxn 16y ago
    As a father of 4, the only downtime I have today is being taken up by writing this comment. Gotta run! P.S. never let them outnumber you
    - m_myers 16y ago
      As a sibling of 5: muwhahahahaaaa!
      - lanstein 16y ago
        As the oldest of 5, allow me to echo this sentiment ;)
        ganley 16y ago
        Amateurs. I'm one of 8. My parents never had a chance.
donw 16y ago
Wait, if you're abstractbill, does that make the kid AbstractBillImpl?
- francoisdevlin 16y ago
  DefaultBill
- binaryfinery 16y ago
  MedicalBill
leftnode 16y ago
Here's a good article you might want to read I just discovered on the Parenting Reddit: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/3355719/Idle-parenting-means-happy-children.html http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/3355719/Idle-... Of course, a new born obviously requires a lot of attention (I have a 3 month old), but let them breath as they get older.
- abstractbill 16y ago
  Thanks, that was an excellent article.
CaptainDecisive 16y ago
Unfortunately my experience is that if 1) is the question and there's multi-guess answers then the correct answer will be D) All of the above. Or to put it another way, here's the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball team: "No one can give more than one hundred percent. By definition that is the most anyone can give..." In time you'll get some of your life back, but it can take a while depending on the baby. It's worth it though as you'll be amazed by how much you come to love the little pup.
deleted 16y ago
[deleted]
bbwharris 16y ago
You'll figure it out, don't worry about it too much. Sacrifices will happen, but you will adjust. There is no right or wrong way to do - regardless of the countless words of advice that you will hear from everyone. Congratulations, it's not easy, but is very rewarding.
huhtenberg 16y ago
I can tell you this - I have no memories from the first four months after the birth of my first child. It's just one big blur. Good thing we made lots of photos. The need to feed baby every 3 hours is going to have the profoundest effect on your lifestyle. A bit of the downtime is in fact going to be a bit, and not when you want it, but whenever you can. The regular exercise - I wouldn't be counting on it, not in first 4 months. In short, the only thing you can be sure of is that "your life, as you know it, is gone. Never to return."
- SethWilson 16y ago
  I hear ya... I have no idea what happened in the last 4 months of 2006 and the first 6 months of 2007. My second son was born in August 2006 and he cried if he was awake until he was 8 months old.
  - ganley 16y ago
    My first daughter did that. Only for 3 months, but for that entire 3 months she was either eating, sleeping, or wailing. (shudder)
run4yourlives 16y ago
If your answer to number 1 is not 100%, you are going to be letting them down in some way. (Or at least feel that way) Trust me, they will own you, being your #1 priority for the next 5 years at least.
- abstractbill 16y ago
  This doesn't strike me as very useful advice, sorry. Taken at face value, you're saying my wife and I need to stop sleeping, and I need to quit my job. The number may be high, but I already know it's not 100%
  - run4yourlives 16y ago
    Well, I suppose you are right if you want to take me literally, but I was speaking in a more rhetorical tone. My point was that as a father of two boys, I can tell you that as far as priorities go, they are by far number 1, and they occupy pretty much all of my free time, either directly or indirectly. Of course I do make time for other things like work and my wife and trying to get a startup out the door.

dfdashh 16y ago

First of all, congrats! I have a three month old, and all I can say is that you just learn to cope. I've realized that some of my goals are going to have to slip for the time being while I care for my wonderful little girl. As for exercise, planning makes all of the difference! I bike to/from work or exercise over lunch, while my wife works out after work while I pick our daughter up from daycare (we alternate days). On the weekends we use a jogging stroller to get our hearts pumping while the little one snoozes away...

huhtenberg 16y ago
Three month old baby in a daycare? Woah.
- run4yourlives 16y ago
  Welcome to the US. Pretty much the rest of the developed world gets 1 year parental/maternal benefits as a social construct.

pchristensen 16y ago

Congrats! Here's the advice of a father of two: 1) Less and more than you think. Bank on at least one to two hours out of every four (that's about their sleep-wake cycle for the first couple months). Very little of it is hard if they're not sick, but the cycle is relentless. 2) Babies are very portable for the first 6 months or so b/c they're so oblivious to the world. Wake-up, change them, feed them, interact for a while, put them back to sleep for another 2 hours and they don't care what else you're doing. One parent having a full time job is easy, two is expensive and hard. Downtime is plentiful because of the frequent naps. Ditto for exercise as long as you're going one at a time while the other tends baby and unwinds. Ironically, scheduling is much harder once the baby sleeps through the night, because at that age they're much more alert and aware during the day and therefore need a more rigid nap time routine. It gets a little better around 12-18 months when they go from two naps to one, and even better around 3-4 yrs when they drop the daytime nap and stay up all day.

ganley 16y ago
Huh. My answer (as a father of 3) to how much time they'll consume would, only slightly facetiously, be "all of it." Your math about sleep cycles is way wrong, and the idea that you'll still have half the free time you used to is laughable. Assuming a more or less 'normal' work schedule, most of the time they're sleeping, this guy will either be at work or will be sleeping himself. My advice is to assume that for a few years you're going to have very little downtime unless you don't sleep much or don't feel the need to see your wife much.
- jackmanbob 16y ago
  To say that he's wrong and that his ideas are laughable is very small-minded. He stated that he's a father of two -- he knows what he's talking about. If his statements don't describe your experience, that's because you've had different experiences -- not because he's wrong.
- jaxn 16y ago
  As a father of 4, the only downtime I have today is being taken up by writing this comment. Gotta run! P.S. never let them outnumber you
  - m_myers 16y ago
    As a sibling of 5: muwhahahahaaaa!
    - lanstein 16y ago
      As the oldest of 5, allow me to echo this sentiment ;)
      - ganley 16y ago
        Amateurs. I'm one of 8. My parents never had a chance.

donw 16y ago

Wait, if you're abstractbill, does that make the kid AbstractBillImpl?

francoisdevlin 16y ago
DefaultBill
binaryfinery 16y ago
MedicalBill

leftnode 16y ago

Here's a good article you might want to read I just discovered on the Parenting Reddit: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/3355719/Idle-parenting-means-happy-children.html http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/3355719/Idle-... Of course, a new born obviously requires a lot of attention (I have a 3 month old), but let them breath as they get older.

abstractbill 16y ago
Thanks, that was an excellent article.

CaptainDecisive 16y ago

Unfortunately my experience is that if 1) is the question and there's multi-guess answers then the correct answer will be D) All of the above. Or to put it another way, here's the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball team: "No one can give more than one hundred percent. By definition that is the most anyone can give..." In time you'll get some of your life back, but it can take a while depending on the baby. It's worth it though as you'll be amazed by how much you come to love the little pup.

deleted 16y ago

[deleted]

bbwharris 16y ago

You'll figure it out, don't worry about it too much. Sacrifices will happen, but you will adjust. There is no right or wrong way to do - regardless of the countless words of advice that you will hear from everyone. Congratulations, it's not easy, but is very rewarding.

huhtenberg 16y ago

I can tell you this - I have no memories from the first four months after the birth of my first child. It's just one big blur. Good thing we made lots of photos. The need to feed baby every 3 hours is going to have the profoundest effect on your lifestyle. A bit of the downtime is in fact going to be a bit, and not when you want it, but whenever you can. The regular exercise - I wouldn't be counting on it, not in first 4 months. In short, the only thing you can be sure of is that "your life, as you know it, is gone. Never to return."

SethWilson 16y ago
I hear ya... I have no idea what happened in the last 4 months of 2006 and the first 6 months of 2007. My second son was born in August 2006 and he cried if he was awake until he was 8 months old.
- ganley 16y ago
  My first daughter did that. Only for 3 months, but for that entire 3 months she was either eating, sleeping, or wailing. (shudder)

run4yourlives 16y ago

If your answer to number 1 is not 100%, you are going to be letting them down in some way. (Or at least feel that way) Trust me, they will own you, being your #1 priority for the next 5 years at least.

abstractbill 16y ago
This doesn't strike me as very useful advice, sorry. Taken at face value, you're saying my wife and I need to stop sleeping, and I need to quit my job. The number may be high, but I already know it's not 100%
- run4yourlives 16y ago
  Well, I suppose you are right if you want to take me literally, but I was speaking in a more rhetorical tone. My point was that as a father of two boys, I can tell you that as far as priorities go, they are by far number 1, and they occupy pretty much all of my free time, either directly or indirectly. Of course I do make time for other things like work and my wife and trying to get a startup out the door.