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Contemplating how to ask a girlfriend of 2 years how to take it to the next step when her view has been soured by a late parental divorce.

petervandijck 16y ago
Just discuss it with her openly, not every marriage proposal needs to be about kneeling and stuff (that would probably just freak her out). Talk about it.
sab007 16y ago
Take tiny steps. But my guess is that after 2 years she might even wonder why you have not asked her already; I would sure wonder and I am pretty sure her girlfriends wonder.Maybe ask her where she sees the 2 of you 1 year from now? The good news is she might be more ready than you think. The bad news you might find out over the next several months that you desire different things.
araneae 16y ago
Asking someone to marry you (I assume that's what the next step is- maybe it's something else) when you don't know what the answer will be pretty much only happens in movies. And it's not a good idea. I was just at a friend's wedding last weekend, am engaged myself, and four other friend pairs are also engaged. In all of these cases, we discussed marriage extensively with our partners before anyone was officially asked. We all knew what the answer was going to be. If you want to consider going to the next step, you should bring up marriage casually in conversation. If she sounds like she's just not into it, she's either going to say no, or say yes because of pressure when she doesn't really mean it.
XFrequentist 16y ago
Interesting, I'm in kind of the opposite situation: I recently asked my very excellent girlfriend of 5 years said question. I procrastinated so long at least partially due to residual trauma from an early parental divorce (plus the subsequent decades of court battles and screaming). My fiancee's approach was a combination of patience and understanding for 4 years, then basically telling me my time was up. The latter strategy wouldn't have worked without the former. One thing I'm certainly glad we did is to talk about it honestly and deeply before taking the plunge. I doubt I would have been able to work up the courage to do it otherwise. If marriage is important to you, tell her so, and give you reasons why.
gcheong 16y ago
I was with my wife for 14 years before we got married. No need to rush it ;^).

petervandijck 16y ago

Just discuss it with her openly, not every marriage proposal needs to be about kneeling and stuff (that would probably just freak her out). Talk about it.

sab007 16y ago

Take tiny steps. But my guess is that after 2 years she might even wonder why you have not asked her already; I would sure wonder and I am pretty sure her girlfriends wonder.Maybe ask her where she sees the 2 of you 1 year from now? The good news is she might be more ready than you think. The bad news you might find out over the next several months that you desire different things.

araneae 16y ago

Asking someone to marry you (I assume that's what the next step is- maybe it's something else) when you don't know what the answer will be pretty much only happens in movies. And it's not a good idea. I was just at a friend's wedding last weekend, am engaged myself, and four other friend pairs are also engaged. In all of these cases, we discussed marriage extensively with our partners before anyone was officially asked. We all knew what the answer was going to be. If you want to consider going to the next step, you should bring up marriage casually in conversation. If she sounds like she's just not into it, she's either going to say no, or say yes because of pressure when she doesn't really mean it.

XFrequentist 16y ago

Interesting, I'm in kind of the opposite situation: I recently asked my very excellent girlfriend of 5 years said question. I procrastinated so long at least partially due to residual trauma from an early parental divorce (plus the subsequent decades of court battles and screaming). My fiancee's approach was a combination of patience and understanding for 4 years, then basically telling me my time was up. The latter strategy wouldn't have worked without the former. One thing I'm certainly glad we did is to talk about it honestly and deeply before taking the plunge. I doubt I would have been able to work up the courage to do it otherwise. If marriage is important to you, tell her so, and give you reasons why.

gcheong 16y ago

I was with my wife for 14 years before we got married. No need to rush it ;^).