Heh, timeouts are the bane of my life as well as my most amusing source of extra income. Client: I'm getting 504 Gateway Timeout errors on my site. Can you hel

Heh, timeouts are the bane of my life as well as my most amusing source of extra income. Client: I'm getting 504 Gateway Timeout errors on my site. Can you help? Me: After how many seconds? Client: About 30. Me: Reduce the timeout to 20 seconds in your PHP-FPM pool configuration. Client: But then I'll get even more timeouts! Me: No you won't. While you're at it, reduce it even further to 10 seconds. Client: What? That doesn't make any sense! Me: Let's try 5 seconds then. ... Silence ... Client: Hey, no more timeouts! But the widget on the sidebar is broken. Me: That widget was trying to access an API that is currently down. Due to the long timeout and poor caching, it also took down your whole website. I heard you paid $cheapCompetitor to make the widget. If you'd like me to make you a better version by Saturday, that would be $XXX.