What I saw in my own romantic relationships and those of others was a simple, blunt point: Do both of the people actually want to follow the first part of the

What I saw in my own romantic relationships and those of others was a simple, blunt point: Do both of the people actually want to follow the first part of the standard marriage ceremony? "We gather together to join this man and this woman with the bonds of holy matrimony." Instead, one or the other didn't really want to "join" or "bond" and, instead, was just using, exploiting the marriage and spouse for some selfish aims. For women, the main use was money -- she wanted to be supported. That was as far as she thought. Later one had one child, retired to a back bedroom, lived on chocolates, gained 150 pounds, and vegetated. Another had one daughter and later one by accident, retired to a back bedroom and lived on cigarettes and beer. One decided to become really good BFFs with Jim Beam and Jack Daniels. One really wanted just to do social climbing at the most expensive country club in town. Another wife wanted the spouse's wealthy family to fund a retail startup. When the startup failed, she went to college, then art school, then became a leading horse woman, all with no interest in her husband, and finally just moved out. She was very pretty, moved to NYC, apparently to try to make a big splash in media. Never heard from her again! One husband liked sex with men as much or more than with his wife (at least two cases of that, with both of the wives very desirable); the wives didn't like that situation. Another wife just wanted her husband to put her through law school at which time she planned to leave the marriage. Another wife just wanted her husband to put her through graduate school, at which time she planned to leave. Another wife wanted to use the marriage as a home base for various projects, around the world, to save the world. I saw a lot of such problems: It was simple: One or both of the spouses failed right at the first sentence of the marriage ceremony -- they just didn't want to join or bond. Just didn't. To them the marriage ceremony was just a costume party with nothing serious and no connection with reality, and they wanted the marriage not to join or bond with their spouse but just to exploit them. So, from this theme and these examples, what is in the OP is too complicated and misses the point: The point is, both spouses have to be serious all the way through the marriage vows, and failing right at the first sentence is really simple, much simpler than the OP, way too common, and a guaranteed disaster.