5 ms·

> I hope most of you would agree that at least 70%-90% of being in love has something to do with the appearance of your person-of-interest (most of it visual).

> I hope most of you would agree that at least 70%-90% of being in love has something to do with the appearance of your person-of-interest (most of it visual). No matter how you cut it, no matter how much of an intellectual you are and how much you prefer to connect deeply with a person, in the end, given two individuals, you fall in love with the one that is more visually attractive No, I don't agree with that even a little bit based on my own experience and that of many of my friends. This comment reads like someone trying to explain to themselves why they are single.

fizixer 9y ago
Thought experiment: Imagine you are not dependent on your current partner in any way. You are financially stable (let's say you a multi-millionaire). Either you don't have kids or if you do, somehow they're not dependent on you (or something). Now think of your favorite media personalities that you have a crush on, and imagine one of them meets you in person and takes an elevated level of interest in you. If you don't have any celebrity crushes and that there is no one in the world you find more attractive than your current partner, I give up. If there is, would you be tempted to cheat? If not, I give up. If yes, I rest my case.
- projektir 9y ago
  Hmm. I'm sympathetic to your overall perspective (that love may not be the universal blessing as it is often perceived) but this is rather unconvincing. You should not confuse how most people are, or how you perceive most people to be, and how you perceive yourself to currently be, with how you or other people could be. I tend to think that if you're still interested in media personalities, people who you don't, at the end of the day, know much about, then you can't really hold high ground on romantic ideas. There are, of course, potentially appropriate and awesome people among media personalities, but there are also plenty of awesome people who are not media personalities, but the reality is, you don't know any of those people, and it's always easy to imagine that a person you know very little about is much better than what you currently have. This is not something you want to trust. Which is too bad, because I think the discussion on what relationships mean should be opened up more, and I think people can develop much more complex preferences than "attractive, popular, wealthy", they just often think that their instincts cannot be overpowered despite that being the human experience in a nutshell.
- Mahn 9y ago
  Would I have consensual sex with an attractive celebrity if they took an interest in me? Sure. Would I fall in love with an attractive celebrity if they took an interest in me? Well, no, not automatically anyway, I would have to get to know this person first and see how I feel about spending time and do things together. I'd definitely not dump a person I've known and loved for years over a fling with an attractive celebrity that I don't really know on a personal level. You keep saying that sexual attraction and love are the same thing, but they are not.
  - true_religion 9y ago
    My perspective is that falling in love with someone doesn't mean having to replace your current lover. That's only true in a society that enforces monogamy. My birth culture is plainly polygamous. My grandfather had five wives. My uncle has 4 and a half. My brother has 2.
    - zhorzh_alex 9y ago
      4 and a half wives? would you mind to explain?
      - sersi 9y ago
        4 wives and a lover?
        zhorzh_alex 9y ago
        IMHO that should be counted as 6 wives. I was thinking of different scenario: if his wives has the same rights as he has - one of his wives can have 2 husbands. So if we look at it this way - he has 4.5 wives indeed
        sersi 9y ago
        Wish a country had both polygamy and polyandry to allow for those situations. Although the tax code might become a tad complicated.
- debaserab2 9y ago
  The premise of your experiment of your flawed: having a physical attraction towards someone does not mean you fall in love with them or suddenly want to replace the person you are in love with.
- true_religion 9y ago
  > is no one in the world you find more attractive than your current partner... would you be tempted to cheat? If not, I give up. There are plenty of people whom I find less attractive than my current partner that I'd happily sleep with. Of course, I would first ask permission to do so... and if not given I wouldn't be tempted to cheat. That's like asking "would you be tempted to steal if someone doesn't want to sell something to you?" I'd hope the answer is always 'no', not "yes, but I wont' steal because I'm afraid of being caught".
- MarkMc 9y ago
  Most people would be tempted to cheat, but would not actually cheat. So love must be pretty strong to counter such a large difference in physical appearance. There's no doubt that physical attraction plays a strong - perhaps dominant - role in determining who we pair up with. But after initial pairing most people develop a deep emotional bond that counteracts the desire to switch partners when someone more attractive comes along.

fizixer 9y ago

Thought experiment: Imagine you are not dependent on your current partner in any way. You are financially stable (let's say you a multi-millionaire). Either you don't have kids or if you do, somehow they're not dependent on you (or something). Now think of your favorite media personalities that you have a crush on, and imagine one of them meets you in person and takes an elevated level of interest in you. If you don't have any celebrity crushes and that there is no one in the world you find more attractive than your current partner, I give up. If there is, would you be tempted to cheat? If not, I give up. If yes, I rest my case.

projektir 9y ago
Hmm. I'm sympathetic to your overall perspective (that love may not be the universal blessing as it is often perceived) but this is rather unconvincing. You should not confuse how most people are, or how you perceive most people to be, and how you perceive yourself to currently be, with how you or other people could be. I tend to think that if you're still interested in media personalities, people who you don't, at the end of the day, know much about, then you can't really hold high ground on romantic ideas. There are, of course, potentially appropriate and awesome people among media personalities, but there are also plenty of awesome people who are not media personalities, but the reality is, you don't know any of those people, and it's always easy to imagine that a person you know very little about is much better than what you currently have. This is not something you want to trust. Which is too bad, because I think the discussion on what relationships mean should be opened up more, and I think people can develop much more complex preferences than "attractive, popular, wealthy", they just often think that their instincts cannot be overpowered despite that being the human experience in a nutshell.
Mahn 9y ago
Would I have consensual sex with an attractive celebrity if they took an interest in me? Sure. Would I fall in love with an attractive celebrity if they took an interest in me? Well, no, not automatically anyway, I would have to get to know this person first and see how I feel about spending time and do things together. I'd definitely not dump a person I've known and loved for years over a fling with an attractive celebrity that I don't really know on a personal level. You keep saying that sexual attraction and love are the same thing, but they are not.
- true_religion 9y ago
  My perspective is that falling in love with someone doesn't mean having to replace your current lover. That's only true in a society that enforces monogamy. My birth culture is plainly polygamous. My grandfather had five wives. My uncle has 4 and a half. My brother has 2.
  - zhorzh_alex 9y ago
    4 and a half wives? would you mind to explain?
    - sersi 9y ago
      4 wives and a lover?
      - zhorzh_alex 9y ago
        IMHO that should be counted as 6 wives. I was thinking of different scenario: if his wives has the same rights as he has - one of his wives can have 2 husbands. So if we look at it this way - he has 4.5 wives indeed
        sersi 9y ago
        Wish a country had both polygamy and polyandry to allow for those situations. Although the tax code might become a tad complicated.
debaserab2 9y ago
The premise of your experiment of your flawed: having a physical attraction towards someone does not mean you fall in love with them or suddenly want to replace the person you are in love with.
true_religion 9y ago
> is no one in the world you find more attractive than your current partner... would you be tempted to cheat? If not, I give up. There are plenty of people whom I find less attractive than my current partner that I'd happily sleep with. Of course, I would first ask permission to do so... and if not given I wouldn't be tempted to cheat. That's like asking "would you be tempted to steal if someone doesn't want to sell something to you?" I'd hope the answer is always 'no', not "yes, but I wont' steal because I'm afraid of being caught".
MarkMc 9y ago
Most people would be tempted to cheat, but would not actually cheat. So love must be pretty strong to counter such a large difference in physical appearance. There's no doubt that physical attraction plays a strong - perhaps dominant - role in determining who we pair up with. But after initial pairing most people develop a deep emotional bond that counteracts the desire to switch partners when someone more attractive comes along.