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Or back-generalize to monogamous relationships and anger. I see a lot of relationships in trouble because the partners get into verbal fights. But in my experie
by ethbro 9y ago
Or back-generalize to monogamous relationships and anger. I see a lot of relationships in trouble because the partners get into verbal fights. But in my experience, they could both do with a lot more specificity in exactly how and why they're angry (rather than just being "angry").
- IgorPartola 9y agoThat's the difference between primary and compound emotion. Compound emotions need to be broken down more to see what the root cause is.
- ethbro 9y agoThe Nautilus article about emotional intelligence on HN yesterday was interesting. Specifically in the encouragement that having access to a larger vocabulary of emotional words helped your brain select a more specific one. Vs defaulting to the base emotion if there's nothing more specific available.
- IgorPartola 9y agoI am not talking about defaulting to base emotions but about figuring out what makes up the complex emotion. It's not that something like jealousy is just fear that is masking as something else. It can be something like fear, insecurity, feeling unimportant or ignored, surprise, and sense of loss, combined in some proportion. In my experience, you first have to identify the complex neuanced emotion, then you have to break it down to its components, and then you address those. Complex emotions are very hard to address directly, but easy to throw misdirected and misguided solutions at.
- ethbro 9y agoWe're saying the same thing with different words. Here's the article: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14935079 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14935079
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]