The most unsettling moment of the whole situation is when I first had the operation and the doctor handing me the consent form says that the procedure itself ki

The most unsettling moment of the whole situation is when I first had the operation and the doctor handing me the consent form says that the procedure itself kills 1 in 400 people. I said those odds are shitty thinking about the one time I had 4 aces in Texas Hold'em and lost to a royal flush and all the other times I had a bad beat. The doctor said for someone off the street those are bad odds but my odds of surviving without the procedure are probably much worse. I didn't have any family there with me. My friends had no idea that I was in that situation. I was a chef for a long time and said what I would say to the cooks before a busy night. We are all human, we all make mistakes, I just ask you do your personal best. I survived. The feeling I had on fentanyl under those conditions was the same the night I was in the hot baths at Esalon looking at the expansive milky way while the waves crashed on the rocks below. Awe and wonder and it's all ok.