5 ms·

Here's the science for you all. The key to passionate sex is actually caring about the person you're having sex with. Hooking up on Tinder isn't going to give y

Here's the science for you all. The key to passionate sex is actually caring about the person you're having sex with. Hooking up on Tinder isn't going to give you that.

user5994461 9y ago
Caring and hooking up on Tinder are not mutually exclusive.
- overcast 9y ago
  There is no way I am at any level of caring for someone, after just meeting them. That's just impossible.
  - Max_Mustermann 9y ago
    Not caring at even the basic level strikes me as a lack of empathy.
  - waterhouse 9y ago
    It is possible to, say, care about some archetype, and then perceive that archetype in a person you've recently met, and apply your feelings to them. There are people that find it easy to fall deeply in love quickly. I think this is what goes on in their heads.
  - wolfram74 9y ago
    Perhaps you are a very cautious person, that's your prerogative. What about that statement makes you think it applies equally to everyone else?
Mahn 9y ago
The other person should care for you, too (for passionate sex to take place, that is).
- overcast 9y ago
  Well yes, that bit was implied.
root_axis 9y ago
Maybe you're not capable of a passionate hookup, but you're fooling yourself if you don't realize that people have very passionate sex from hookups all the time. In fact, the excitement of a strong mutual sexual attraction to a new person can heighten the sexual passion.
- FLUX-YOU 9y ago
  Some people might not understand this because it's better explained by simply experiencing it. It's an equally valid mindset just as the article's mindset, and just as equally valid as not having sex until marriage if that's what you choose. It's also very similar to fetishes -- experiencing it is just too different from watching videos or demos.
hsitz 9y ago
"The key to passionate sex is actually caring about the person you're having sex with." That sounds nice, but it's a load of baloney. I would wager that most people over the age of 20 (25?, 30?) have experienced a significant relationship(s) where the sex tends to be passionate (and frequent) at the very beginning, and tapers off and becomes less frequent, less passionate, more boring as time goes on (and years drag by). In fact, that is the typical progression of sex in a committed, caring relationship. So, no, I would not say that the key is "actually caring about the person". I haven't read the linked article yet, but the subject reminds me of some work done by a psychologist named David Schnarch, who has built a career and written several books on the subject. These include a book called _Passionate Marriage_, intended as self-help for a lay audience, and _Constructing the Sexual Crucible_, which is more of a technical handbook for therapists and counselors. See http://passionatemarriage.com/ http://passionatemarriage.com/ http://passionatemarriage.com/catalog/15 http://passionatemarriage.com/catalog/15 Alain de Botton also examines the issue in a similar way on the impressive "Book of Life" website. E.g., he says: "In a wiser world, we would collectively admit that the very rare cases where love and sex did run together were astonishing exceptions with no relevance whatsoever to most of our lives. We would instead learn to pay admiring attention to those who had accepted with a reasonable show of dignity and grace that the natural price of long-term togetherness is a decline in the quality and frequency of sexual contact – and that this is, in a great many cases, a price very much worth paying." http://www.thebookoflife.org/love-and-sex/ http://www.thebookoflife.org/love-and-sex/ http://www.thebookoflife.org/category/relationships/ http://www.thebookoflife.org/category/relationships/
- pmoriarty 9y ago
  "We would instead learn to pay admiring attention to those who had accepted with a reasonable show of dignity and grace that the natural price of long-term togetherness is a decline in the quality and frequency of sexual contact – and that this is, in a great many cases, a price very much worth paying." Is it possible to accept that and remain monogamous? Because for many, when one is bored with their current partner, passionate sex is just an affair away.
  - root_axis 9y ago
Koshkin 9y ago
> The key... caring about the person you're having sex with Biologically and historically this is far from being so. Among animals, sex is often aggressive rather than "caring"; the history of humans, too, shows that opportunities of this nature arise from a fierce competition and also from what effectively amounts to slavery.
- overcast 9y ago
  Sure. But that's not something I would consider passion between two people.
  - Koshkin 9y ago
    passionate sex != passion
Sleeep 9y ago
I totally believe that is the key to passionate sex for you, however it's certainly not universal. I'm married now but the most passionate sex I ever had in my life was a one night stand with someone I only knew in passing and haven't seen since.
ionised 9y ago
You are not representative of people on the whole.

Here's the science for you all. The key to passionate sex is actually caring about the person you're having sex with. Hooking up on Tinder isn't going to give you that.

user5994461 9y ago

Caring and hooking up on Tinder are not mutually exclusive.

overcast 9y ago
There is no way I am at any level of caring for someone, after just meeting them. That's just impossible.
- Max_Mustermann 9y ago
  Not caring at even the basic level strikes me as a lack of empathy.
- waterhouse 9y ago
  It is possible to, say, care about some archetype, and then perceive that archetype in a person you've recently met, and apply your feelings to them. There are people that find it easy to fall deeply in love quickly. I think this is what goes on in their heads.
- wolfram74 9y ago
  Perhaps you are a very cautious person, that's your prerogative. What about that statement makes you think it applies equally to everyone else?

Mahn 9y ago

The other person should care for you, too (for passionate sex to take place, that is).

overcast 9y ago
Well yes, that bit was implied.

root_axis 9y ago

Maybe you're not capable of a passionate hookup, but you're fooling yourself if you don't realize that people have very passionate sex from hookups all the time. In fact, the excitement of a strong mutual sexual attraction to a new person can heighten the sexual passion.

FLUX-YOU 9y ago
Some people might not understand this because it's better explained by simply experiencing it. It's an equally valid mindset just as the article's mindset, and just as equally valid as not having sex until marriage if that's what you choose. It's also very similar to fetishes -- experiencing it is just too different from watching videos or demos.

hsitz 9y ago

"The key to passionate sex is actually caring about the person you're having sex with." That sounds nice, but it's a load of baloney. I would wager that most people over the age of 20 (25?, 30?) have experienced a significant relationship(s) where the sex tends to be passionate (and frequent) at the very beginning, and tapers off and becomes less frequent, less passionate, more boring as time goes on (and years drag by). In fact, that is the typical progression of sex in a committed, caring relationship. So, no, I would not say that the key is "actually caring about the person". I haven't read the linked article yet, but the subject reminds me of some work done by a psychologist named David Schnarch, who has built a career and written several books on the subject. These include a book called _Passionate Marriage_, intended as self-help for a lay audience, and _Constructing the Sexual Crucible_, which is more of a technical handbook for therapists and counselors. See http://passionatemarriage.com/ http://passionatemarriage.com/ http://passionatemarriage.com/catalog/15 http://passionatemarriage.com/catalog/15 Alain de Botton also examines the issue in a similar way on the impressive "Book of Life" website. E.g., he says: "In a wiser world, we would collectively admit that the very rare cases where love and sex did run together were astonishing exceptions with no relevance whatsoever to most of our lives. We would instead learn to pay admiring attention to those who had accepted with a reasonable show of dignity and grace that the natural price of long-term togetherness is a decline in the quality and frequency of sexual contact – and that this is, in a great many cases, a price very much worth paying." http://www.thebookoflife.org/love-and-sex/ http://www.thebookoflife.org/love-and-sex/ http://www.thebookoflife.org/category/relationships/ http://www.thebookoflife.org/category/relationships/

pmoriarty 9y ago
"We would instead learn to pay admiring attention to those who had accepted with a reasonable show of dignity and grace that the natural price of long-term togetherness is a decline in the quality and frequency of sexual contact – and that this is, in a great many cases, a price very much worth paying." Is it possible to accept that and remain monogamous? Because for many, when one is bored with their current partner, passionate sex is just an affair away.
- root_axis 9y ago

Koshkin 9y ago

> The key... caring about the person you're having sex with Biologically and historically this is far from being so. Among animals, sex is often aggressive rather than "caring"; the history of humans, too, shows that opportunities of this nature arise from a fierce competition and also from what effectively amounts to slavery.

overcast 9y ago
Sure. But that's not something I would consider passion between two people.
- Koshkin 9y ago
  passionate sex != passion

Sleeep 9y ago

I totally believe that is the key to passionate sex for you, however it's certainly not universal. I'm married now but the most passionate sex I ever had in my life was a one night stand with someone I only knew in passing and haven't seen since.

ionised 9y ago

You are not representative of people on the whole.