7 ms·

> my boss assumed that it would be sourcing the bride Are you sure you understood him correctly? That would be highly irregular, to say the least. More likely

by sho 9y ago

> my boss assumed that it would be sourcing the bride Are you sure you understood him correctly? That would be highly irregular, to say the least. More likely it was an offer to pay for a matching agency. Arranged marriages between specific people are pretty rare these days, and unheard of outside of family. Unless your boss literally adopted you, he would never take on that responsibility!

patio11 9y ago
I doubt he would phrase it the same way I did, but I am absolutely not materially misremembering the conversation in which he said, and this is a verbatim quote translated from Japanese, "[24 year old coworker], this is Patrick. He just joined, graduated from a good school in America, and has a bright future with the company. Have you ever considered an international marriage?"
- sho 9y ago
  Oh I'm not doubting you. But that's slightly different. Putting in a good word for you and making introductions to eligible young co-workers isn't quite the same as "here's your bride!", which is what it sounded like. I can absolutely imagine a 50s-ish japanese boss saying exactly the contents of your quote.
  - srtjstjsj 9y ago
    "sourcing" in this context means "identifying and referring candidates" not making an official commitment.
    - TheCoelacanth 9y ago
      Exactly. If you hire a recruiter to source employees for you, they aren't going to come back and say "Here's your employee. Hope things work out for you." they are going to say "Here's someone who seems like a good fit. Do you want to interview them?".
      - sho 9y ago
        I guess you and I and everyone else have a lot of different interpretations for what the original text might mean. The fact that it is ambiguous is demonstrated. It was simply a poor choice of words and I'm sorry to have made too big a deal about it. Still. In my company, if a division is going to source a component for us, it means they deliver that component. They don't provide a bunch of google options for manufacturers we might want to look at, or make introductions, or whatever. They get the damn thing and make it available to us. As such, sourcing has a specific meaning to me and perhaps I went overboard applying it to the ultra-great-grandparent comment.
- raleighm 9y ago
  That's very different!
fenomas 9y ago
I think people are reading rather too much into the phrase "sourcing". Read it as "assumed he'd probably wind up marrying a coworker" and the boss in question is just observing the obvious - workplace marriages are quite common in Japan, especially considering that company employees around that age tend to socialize a lot within the company. One can think of such things as non-pecuniary benefits of a job but I think you'd be hard pressed to find a boss who's ever considered it in those terms. More likely they're just acting on the "truth universally acknowledged" that young single employees must be in want of a spouse. (Of course, the reverse of this is one of the ways Japanese companies are rough on women - if you're 23 and single people will tend to assume you're going to marry someone and quit in a few years, and treat you accordingly.)
- patio11 9y ago
  especially considering that company employees around that age tend to socialize a lot within the company. Yes. This is by design. You're not just joining a company, you're getting social belonging and a built-in set of drinking buddies. That is such a critical part of the deal, and such a universally acknowledged part of the deal, that it is not routinely described as part of the deal.
  - fenomas 9y ago
    Sure, but to some extent this is Japan in a nutshell - joining anything from a university circle to the neighborhood adult volleyball team does tend to come with new drinking buddies, albeit at varying scales. (And having said that, if you're single you can of course expect the volleyball coach to paternally try and set you up with that nice 24 year-old on the team...)
    - eric_khun 9y ago
      kinda related, how easy for a foreigners to play in the local volleyball team in Japan? I'm considering to move in Tokyo for a year or more, and would love to find some vball buddies
FRex 9y ago
There is this high quality[1] article/blog post I've seen before on HN in relation to software and Japan and it mentions it too: http://www.kalzumeus.com/2014/11/07/doing-business-in-japan/ http://www.kalzumeus.com/2014/11/07/doing-business-in-japan/ The paragraph starting with the sentence "Don’t have a wife?" and the next one after it mention that practice, it's too much to copy paste in here. [1] as in - lengthy, detailed and well written, but I can't judge the content itself.
- hawkice 9y ago
  That's written by patio11, who wrote the comment above.
  - FRex 9y ago
    I see. I had no idea and he didn't link to it and the explanation there is much longer and clearer than the one line remark about Japanese boss "sourcing the bride" in the comment was. People are taking the comment to mean some medieval style arranged forced marriage.

by sho 9y ago

patio11 9y ago

I doubt he would phrase it the same way I did, but I am absolutely not materially misremembering the conversation in which he said, and this is a verbatim quote translated from Japanese, "[24 year old coworker], this is Patrick. He just joined, graduated from a good school in America, and has a bright future with the company. Have you ever considered an international marriage?"

sho 9y ago
Oh I'm not doubting you. But that's slightly different. Putting in a good word for you and making introductions to eligible young co-workers isn't quite the same as "here's your bride!", which is what it sounded like. I can absolutely imagine a 50s-ish japanese boss saying exactly the contents of your quote.
- srtjstjsj 9y ago
  "sourcing" in this context means "identifying and referring candidates" not making an official commitment.
  - TheCoelacanth 9y ago
    Exactly. If you hire a recruiter to source employees for you, they aren't going to come back and say "Here's your employee. Hope things work out for you." they are going to say "Here's someone who seems like a good fit. Do you want to interview them?".
    - sho 9y ago
      I guess you and I and everyone else have a lot of different interpretations for what the original text might mean. The fact that it is ambiguous is demonstrated. It was simply a poor choice of words and I'm sorry to have made too big a deal about it. Still. In my company, if a division is going to source a component for us, it means they deliver that component. They don't provide a bunch of google options for manufacturers we might want to look at, or make introductions, or whatever. They get the damn thing and make it available to us. As such, sourcing has a specific meaning to me and perhaps I went overboard applying it to the ultra-great-grandparent comment.
raleighm 9y ago
That's very different!

fenomas 9y ago

I think people are reading rather too much into the phrase "sourcing". Read it as "assumed he'd probably wind up marrying a coworker" and the boss in question is just observing the obvious - workplace marriages are quite common in Japan, especially considering that company employees around that age tend to socialize a lot within the company. One can think of such things as non-pecuniary benefits of a job but I think you'd be hard pressed to find a boss who's ever considered it in those terms. More likely they're just acting on the "truth universally acknowledged" that young single employees must be in want of a spouse. (Of course, the reverse of this is one of the ways Japanese companies are rough on women - if you're 23 and single people will tend to assume you're going to marry someone and quit in a few years, and treat you accordingly.)

patio11 9y ago
especially considering that company employees around that age tend to socialize a lot within the company. Yes. This is by design. You're not just joining a company, you're getting social belonging and a built-in set of drinking buddies. That is such a critical part of the deal, and such a universally acknowledged part of the deal, that it is not routinely described as part of the deal.
- fenomas 9y ago
  Sure, but to some extent this is Japan in a nutshell - joining anything from a university circle to the neighborhood adult volleyball team does tend to come with new drinking buddies, albeit at varying scales. (And having said that, if you're single you can of course expect the volleyball coach to paternally try and set you up with that nice 24 year-old on the team...)
  - eric_khun 9y ago
    kinda related, how easy for a foreigners to play in the local volleyball team in Japan? I'm considering to move in Tokyo for a year or more, and would love to find some vball buddies

FRex 9y ago

There is this high quality[1] article/blog post I've seen before on HN in relation to software and Japan and it mentions it too: http://www.kalzumeus.com/2014/11/07/doing-business-in-japan/ http://www.kalzumeus.com/2014/11/07/doing-business-in-japan/ The paragraph starting with the sentence "Don’t have a wife?" and the next one after it mention that practice, it's too much to copy paste in here. [1] as in - lengthy, detailed and well written, but I can't judge the content itself.

hawkice 9y ago
That's written by patio11, who wrote the comment above.
- FRex 9y ago
  I see. I had no idea and he didn't link to it and the explanation there is much longer and clearer than the one line remark about Japanese boss "sourcing the bride" in the comment was. People are taking the comment to mean some medieval style arranged forced marriage.