3 ms·

Lift heavy; do Jiu Jitsu - deter the manager from ever attempting to verbally abuse you lest risking discordance. Relish in your newfound mental clarity.

magic_beans 9y ago
We're talking about a guy who was so paralyzed by the fact that the woman he was having sex with whispered sweet nothings into his ear that he dedicated three paragraphs to unpacking the discomfort it caused...
- danielharrison 9y ago
  You joke but I think there's something more at play here. Sounds like the guy cannot multitask at all. Maybe on the spectrum.
  - jventura 9y ago
    He says exactly that in the post: "Why couldn’t I think of the snappy response? Because I can’t do verbal processing and emotional processing at the same time!!!"
  - ThrustVectoring 9y ago
    Sounds like that's the case to me as well. Having safe stock phrases is explicitly a strategy used by autistic individuals to cope with unexpected situations. Like, one common issue that teachers often run into with more severely autistic students is that they'll say "no" to requests because they need to give a safe response of some sort, and the teacher interprets that as being willfully defiant rather than simply overwhelmed by the current situation and trying to do something safe.
adrianratnapala 9y ago
I think you are saying the author should be a bit more alpha-male and partly I agree. Though not particularly alpha-male myself, I would have handled the first situtation better by instinctively out-arseholeing the arsehole. But I would not handle all such social situations so quickly or confidently. And sometimes the moments I miss are opportunities to be nice. The point being that moving along a personality dimension can't replace a missing skill, though it can partially amelirate the effects.
- munchbunny 9y ago
  Having gone through a process similar to what the author of the article did, the problem is that it's more complicated than "merely" being a bit more alpha-male. The problem is getting past freezing up. It's hard because it was my brain's innate reaction all through my young adult years, so I had to put a lot of time and energy into rewiring it to not freeze up first. Once I could get past freezing up, I could practice ways to stay rational in emotionally charged situations, which in turn allowed me to learn how to defuse situations better. With more practice, I was able to manage the same situations with a strong sense of principle. That in turn let me say "no" in a way where people consistently respected my answer. But that was a 5 year journey filled with unpleasant moments.
big__air 9y ago
squats and oats
- rarec 9y ago
  We're all gonna make it.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
dpritchett 9y ago
First response to a coworker storming in to cuss you should be to stand up to your full height and look them straight in the eye. You're not the one who set this belligerent tone, they are.

magic_beans 9y ago

We're talking about a guy who was so paralyzed by the fact that the woman he was having sex with whispered sweet nothings into his ear that he dedicated three paragraphs to unpacking the discomfort it caused...

danielharrison 9y ago
You joke but I think there's something more at play here. Sounds like the guy cannot multitask at all. Maybe on the spectrum.
- jventura 9y ago
  He says exactly that in the post: "Why couldn’t I think of the snappy response? Because I can’t do verbal processing and emotional processing at the same time!!!"
- ThrustVectoring 9y ago
  Sounds like that's the case to me as well. Having safe stock phrases is explicitly a strategy used by autistic individuals to cope with unexpected situations. Like, one common issue that teachers often run into with more severely autistic students is that they'll say "no" to requests because they need to give a safe response of some sort, and the teacher interprets that as being willfully defiant rather than simply overwhelmed by the current situation and trying to do something safe.

adrianratnapala 9y ago

I think you are saying the author should be a bit more alpha-male and partly I agree. Though not particularly alpha-male myself, I would have handled the first situtation better by instinctively out-arseholeing the arsehole. But I would not handle all such social situations so quickly or confidently. And sometimes the moments I miss are opportunities to be nice. The point being that moving along a personality dimension can't replace a missing skill, though it can partially amelirate the effects.

munchbunny 9y ago
Having gone through a process similar to what the author of the article did, the problem is that it's more complicated than "merely" being a bit more alpha-male. The problem is getting past freezing up. It's hard because it was my brain's innate reaction all through my young adult years, so I had to put a lot of time and energy into rewiring it to not freeze up first. Once I could get past freezing up, I could practice ways to stay rational in emotionally charged situations, which in turn allowed me to learn how to defuse situations better. With more practice, I was able to manage the same situations with a strong sense of principle. That in turn let me say "no" in a way where people consistently respected my answer. But that was a 5 year journey filled with unpleasant moments.

big__air 9y ago

squats and oats

rarec 9y ago
We're all gonna make it.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]

dpritchett 9y ago

First response to a coworker storming in to cuss you should be to stand up to your full height and look them straight in the eye. You're not the one who set this belligerent tone, they are.