5 ms·
I feel a lot of sympathy for the author. Would it be correct to infer from this article that the appropriate response after ("make no contact with them" and "k
by ghufran_syed 9y ago
I feel a lot of sympathy for the author.
Would it be correct to infer from this article that the appropriate response after ("make no contact with them" and "keep records" should be:
1) Talk to lawyer
2) Get restraining order (useful info here[1]),
possibly preceded by
0) hire private investigator to find stalker's actual identity
[1] http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=90#2 http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=90#2
anyone with experience of how effective (or not) this might be?
- twobyfour 9y agoThat seems to assume access to significant financial resources. Also: it would suck to have to spend money on something like that. Some random asshole of a stranger impacting your budget and savings? Maybe not as violating as the stalking itself, but certainly an insult added to the injury.
- mmirate 9y ago> insult added to the injury That should be the other way around, no? The financial damage is injurious whereas the stalking (like an insult) has mere psychological impact.
- Mz 9y agoThat is extremely unlikely to be effective. People like Danny tend to be good at doing things that are hard to prosecute. Lawyers, restraining orders and reports to the authorities wind up sucking away more of the victims life while, in most cases, getting them no remedy and simply making it clear to them that there is no remedy within the rule of law. It often just deepens their frustration, sense of helplessness and sense of being victimized. Victims usually are not good at figuring out how to effectively manage the situation via other means. If they are, well, they don't write articles like this.
- mirimir 9y agoWhy limit responses to seeking help from "authorities"? She knows the stalker's identity. Why not shame him, in his network? Could she be too polite for that? That would be sad.
- Mz 9y agoAs I said: Victims usually are not good at figuring out how to effectively manage the situation via other means. If they are, well, they don't write articles like this. I will posit that most stalkers fit the profile of a sociopath. Most of their victims probably do not. Trying to figure out how to think enough like a sociopath to outwit them if you, yourself, are not innately wired that way can be distasteful. But, if you don't, your efforts to manage the situation wind up either ineffectual or backfiring or both. In this article, it says she did things like told him to stop sending so many messages or she would block him. When he didn't do as she asked, she blocked him. The result: It just made things worse. This seems to be the usual pattern. The victim often tries tactics that just deepen the problem. It gets to a point where politeness has nothing to do with it. If everything you try just makes the problem worse, trying to just not antagonize the creep can seem like the least worst option possible.
- mirimir 9y agoI don't see that self-defense is at all sociopathic. Shaming an attacker in their social network seems equivalent to screaming "HELP!" when attacked in meatspace. But yes, I get that some people are socialized in counterproductive ways. Maybe there's a market for enforcement services to help such victims. Reputable providers would, of course, verify claims of potential clients. On the other hand, IANAL. And there might well be liability for defamation.
- Mz 9y agoYou sound like you are tossing out hypotheses without firsthand experience. Let me suggest you don't really understand the problem space. Tossing out solutions without understanding the problem tends to be counterproductive.
- mirimir 9y agoShe already knows the stalker's actual identity.