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I've yet to see any meaningful "collective wisdom" on whether to be a parent. Since you seem not to see the value, it is probably best for you not to do it--the

by ericb 9y ago

I've yet to see any meaningful "collective wisdom" on whether to be a parent. Since you seem not to see the value, it is probably best for you not to do it--the payoff is likely not something your quantification would measure, but the cost would be. The value isn't quantified in economic terms, because you can't quantify love. It might help me hit some achievement milestone if I had no kids, perhaps, but that would feel shallow. Maybe I'd have built something that made a nice bullet point on a director's resume, but no one will be singing songs of my heroic deeds in the halls of Valhalla. For me, kids are great because I have lots of love and affection to share. I've never had such unreserved un-self-conscious love as I get from my children. When I walk in the door after a long day, I get a rock star greeting--three little people cheering my name. I'm never lonely anymore. I have lots of great memories. I get tons of cuddles. I get to pass on things I've learned. Providing a good upbringing feels meaningful. Staying competitive on an hours basis is hard, but would not be hard if my spouse was a stay-at-home mom, which would be feasible. Staying competitive on a knowledge-basis is not hard.

sp527 9y ago
I largely agree with what you're saying. Out of curiosity, what makes you think I don't see the value? I omitted the 'pros' of having children simply because they seem self-evident. I don't think I'd bother asking this question at all if I didn't appreciate the argument in favor.
- ericb 9y ago
  You didn't list any pros. For people who don't want children, I imagine many don't value the pros, or even see them as pros. You asked specifically to hear from childless folks--usually that type of request is a self-affirmation from someone who has already decided, but wants to buttress their decision. Also, you seemed like you were trying to quantify the decision, but with matters of the heart, usually people just know. I think people who don't want kids actually do ask this question often. There can be spouses or parents who apply tremendous pressure, and the decision is massive, and irreversible.
- ericb 9y ago
  It sounds like you're considering it more than your post indicated. To give you perspective, they are tough to raise, and I found it tough to be an entrepreneur when they are under 4. It totally changes your cash requirements, especially if you do something like buy a house. Entrepreneurship is like having a baby, and might be fulfilling in some similar ways (not love, though!). For me, while they were young, it was easier to work for someone. Now that they sleep, I've saved up and will probably make another run at entrepreneurship. But in terms of success at my day job, I don't feel like they really stopped me, or that any trade off to optimize day job success would have been worth considering.

by ericb 9y ago

sp527 9y ago

I largely agree with what you're saying. Out of curiosity, what makes you think I don't see the value? I omitted the 'pros' of having children simply because they seem self-evident. I don't think I'd bother asking this question at all if I didn't appreciate the argument in favor.

ericb 9y ago
You didn't list any pros. For people who don't want children, I imagine many don't value the pros, or even see them as pros. You asked specifically to hear from childless folks--usually that type of request is a self-affirmation from someone who has already decided, but wants to buttress their decision. Also, you seemed like you were trying to quantify the decision, but with matters of the heart, usually people just know. I think people who don't want kids actually do ask this question often. There can be spouses or parents who apply tremendous pressure, and the decision is massive, and irreversible.
ericb 9y ago
It sounds like you're considering it more than your post indicated. To give you perspective, they are tough to raise, and I found it tough to be an entrepreneur when they are under 4. It totally changes your cash requirements, especially if you do something like buy a house. Entrepreneurship is like having a baby, and might be fulfilling in some similar ways (not love, though!). For me, while they were young, it was easier to work for someone. Now that they sleep, I've saved up and will probably make another run at entrepreneurship. But in terms of success at my day job, I don't feel like they really stopped me, or that any trade off to optimize day job success would have been worth considering.