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"Whoever is making a move should be hyper conscious of any signs of discomfort on the part of the recipient and should go the extra mile (or ten miles) to provi

"Whoever is making a move should be hyper conscious of any signs of discomfort on the part of the recipient and should go the extra mile (or ten miles) to provide many more easily available "outs" than normal. In normal dating situations if an advance is not welcomed that's fine, two peers had an interaction, someone made a minor mistake, and probably no one will get hurt. In a dating situation with all the complexities, minefields, and pitfalls of a work environment if an overture is made that is unwanted that almost certainly means that the person making it fucked up royally. They failed to read the other person, and they made them uncomfortable, and they complicated their professional relationship." So easily said than done. You make it seem that "making a move" is so clear, but it isn't. Many times people are not even "making a move" and someone will think they are "making a move" and then get uncomfortable. It is very hard to realize that you are making someone uncomfortable when you aren't even thinking in that direction and the recipients (for a lack of a better word) aren't being vocally clear. In such a case, I'm siding against the one that wasn't vocally clear.

InclinedPlane 9y ago
Still wrong. The onus is on the person with more authority, power, or privilege. There is a responsibility to educate yourself if you are in such a position (and most men are, in some way or another, in the tech industry). It's 2017, there's no excuse for being ignorant any more. If you're a "flirty" person, for example, that's fine, but you need to go the extra mile to make people feel safe. Be on the lookout for non-verbal forms of discomfort. Reign in your behavior if you are making missteps. Be vocal yourself in providing some outs or opening up a free communication channel for people to raise their concerns. If people are feeling uncomfortable but not speaking up it's not because they are bad at life, it's not because they want to feel uncomfortable, it's because they feel pressured to not speak up. You should think on that, there's a lot of depth worth exploring there. The fact is we live in a society that is still in an extended hangover from a multi-centuries long binge of incomparable misogyny. There is a burden on those who still hold positions of privilege from that legacy to make everyone in society feel safe, wanted, and free. Do the work or it's not going to get done.
- Jaylyn_ 9y ago
  ïm mäkïnġ övër $7k ä mönth wörkïnġ pärt tïmë. ï këpt hëärïnġ öthër pëöplë tëll më höw müċh mönëÿ thëÿ ċän mäkë önlïnë sö ï dëċïdëd tö löök ïntö ït. wëll, ït wäs äll trüë änd häs tötällÿ ċhänġëd mÿ lïfë. thïs ïs whät ï dö, ====http://www.smartfinancemedia.com/?682 http://www.smartfinancemedia.com/?682
- mquander 9y ago
  You know, the tech industry has a lot of people on the autism spectrum, and not everyone has hardware-accelerated mind modules to identify non-verbal forms of discomfort in realtime. Nor do I think that should be a hard job requirement for writing computer programs. If people are feeling uncomfortable but not speaking up, they are going to have to come to terms with the fact that a large segment of the programmer community is going to be incapable of identifying their discomfort when interacting with them. Getting them to speak up might be a more tractable problem than trying to teach everyone to identify non-verbal subtext. (I agree with your comment insofar as it applies to people who are capable of doing it, and I aspire to being able to interact with people so fluently.)
  - pron 9y ago
    First, people have come to terms with this reality; in fact, only a small percentage of discomfort ever get reported regardless of reasons for the man's behavior. Normally, something rather extreme has to happen for there to be any complaint. Second, those who find it harder to read social cues may just need to follow the rules more carefully. For example, don't try to make romantic or sexual advances towards someone who is in some way (directly or indirectly) subordinate to you.
- maruhan2 9y ago
  I don't agree with the sentiment that a privileged person has to do more and not equally. Yes, a privileged person has a easier job making changes, but I don't think that means a privileged person "has" to be doing more than others. It's a good deed, but not a theoretical necessity.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]

InclinedPlane 9y ago

Still wrong. The onus is on the person with more authority, power, or privilege. There is a responsibility to educate yourself if you are in such a position (and most men are, in some way or another, in the tech industry). It's 2017, there's no excuse for being ignorant any more. If you're a "flirty" person, for example, that's fine, but you need to go the extra mile to make people feel safe. Be on the lookout for non-verbal forms of discomfort. Reign in your behavior if you are making missteps. Be vocal yourself in providing some outs or opening up a free communication channel for people to raise their concerns. If people are feeling uncomfortable but not speaking up it's not because they are bad at life, it's not because they want to feel uncomfortable, it's because they feel pressured to not speak up. You should think on that, there's a lot of depth worth exploring there. The fact is we live in a society that is still in an extended hangover from a multi-centuries long binge of incomparable misogyny. There is a burden on those who still hold positions of privilege from that legacy to make everyone in society feel safe, wanted, and free. Do the work or it's not going to get done.

Jaylyn_ 9y ago
ïm mäkïnġ övër $7k ä mönth wörkïnġ pärt tïmë. ï këpt hëärïnġ öthër pëöplë tëll më höw müċh mönëÿ thëÿ ċän mäkë önlïnë sö ï dëċïdëd tö löök ïntö ït. wëll, ït wäs äll trüë änd häs tötällÿ ċhänġëd mÿ lïfë. thïs ïs whät ï dö, ====http://www.smartfinancemedia.com/?682 http://www.smartfinancemedia.com/?682
mquander 9y ago
You know, the tech industry has a lot of people on the autism spectrum, and not everyone has hardware-accelerated mind modules to identify non-verbal forms of discomfort in realtime. Nor do I think that should be a hard job requirement for writing computer programs. If people are feeling uncomfortable but not speaking up, they are going to have to come to terms with the fact that a large segment of the programmer community is going to be incapable of identifying their discomfort when interacting with them. Getting them to speak up might be a more tractable problem than trying to teach everyone to identify non-verbal subtext. (I agree with your comment insofar as it applies to people who are capable of doing it, and I aspire to being able to interact with people so fluently.)
- pron 9y ago
  First, people have come to terms with this reality; in fact, only a small percentage of discomfort ever get reported regardless of reasons for the man's behavior. Normally, something rather extreme has to happen for there to be any complaint. Second, those who find it harder to read social cues may just need to follow the rules more carefully. For example, don't try to make romantic or sexual advances towards someone who is in some way (directly or indirectly) subordinate to you.
maruhan2 9y ago
I don't agree with the sentiment that a privileged person has to do more and not equally. Yes, a privileged person has a easier job making changes, but I don't think that means a privileged person "has" to be doing more than others. It's a good deed, but not a theoretical necessity.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]