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I am at rock bottom right now, and as I struggle to get up. I've searched for resources to help me figure out the best way out. I have made plans. Created struc

I am at rock bottom right now, and as I struggle to get up. I've searched for resources to help me figure out the best way out. I have made plans. Created structures for myself. Kicked myself. A lot. However, I've fallen flat on my face again and again due to a simple reason. I don't have the resources to execute any kind of measures to get myself out of this mess. I can't concentrate without getting suicidal imagery in my head and spiraling into a very disturbing cycle. I really don't have any pre-requisite life experience to rely on. The worst thing is that time is running out for me to apply to college. On the other hand, this is might be more of a blessing. I have literally started my life with a blank slate, and now I can choose the foundation for my future in a way that few can. If only I knew how.

lionhearted 16y ago
Some things that might be helpful to you, in no particular order: -Look at David Allen's book "Getting Things Done" for getting organized and putting a loose general system that lets you feel un-overwhelmed. Very important if you've got lots of random to-do's that are overwhelming -Look at Josh Waitzkin's book "The Art of Learning" - start to understand deterministic and incremental learning. Incremental learning sees success and failure as a result of gradually putting in training, deterministic learning sees things as a result of how good/bad you are. Incremental learning is empowering, deterministic is disempowering. -Have a listen to Tony Robbins' "Get the Edge" audio program - it was recommended to me here on Hacker News, and I was never into that sort of thing, but it's really good. He'll give you ideas on how to start an exercise program, start setting goals, etc. You should start walking at least 15 minutes a day. -If you don't have an iPod or other mp3 player now, beg, borrow, scrap, and scrape to afford a very cheap used model. Get some inspiring podcasts or audio books. Listen to them while doing errands or exercise that's boring. I hate doing mindless stuff, but it's a lot easier to get into a very good flow about cleaning, exercising for long periods of time, or running errands when you have interesting things to listen to. -I also like Brian Tracy's "The Luck Factor" on audio, it describes all the attitudes and mindsets that produce generally positive outcomes, what most people call luck. Normally I'd never advocate this as I believe in supporting content creators, but if you have literally no money and are on the verge of losing your mind, maybe go get a bittorrent client and download all this stuff. I think the creators will understand in this instance. Buy it later if you want to support their efforts, which you should with how much it can help you. Don't do this if it's illegal in your country or it seems wrong to you. Good luck. The answer is to take small steps and celebrate the wins. Every minute you spend in nature, doing light walking, reading and learning the skills you need to dig out, progressing, and building yourself up is a win. Celebrate every time you have the meal you want to eat, wake up on the sleep schedule you want to be sleeping on, go for a walk, go to the library, make a phone call to someone, or so on. I've been to the depths of hell a couple times, you always come out of it much stronger. But the only way out is small steps of fundamentals and celebrating the wins. Don't get yourself down for not being perfect, celebrate every time you eat well, exercise lightly, handle your errands/priorities, stay focused on what you want, learn something, and otherwise take good action. That's the way out. Finally, think about taking some martial arts. If you really have no money, tell the martial arts studio that you're very serious about training, have no money, but you'll clean the studio and run errands for them if you can get an occasional lesson at a mostly empty class. Tell them you're willing to do whatever it takes to contribute to the studio until you can afford your dues. Martial arts is good on lots of levels. Normally I'd recommend a scientific, military-based martial art to most people (like Krav Maga), but you actually might get more mileage out of Tai Chi, Kung Fu, or something with a spiritual/philosophical element to it. Good luck. You'll get out. When in doubt, keep moving forwards. You'll be stronger than the vast majority of people once you come out of this, because you'll know you were at the bottom and survived. Nothing will be so scary after this. Prosperity! Claim it. Small steps. Be creative, celebrate the small wins, and you'll be back as fast as possible, and then ready to thrive even further.
- todayiamme 16y ago
  Thank you. The funny thing is that in bits and pieces I had figured out most of the things you wrote, but I never connected them in this way. I also never had it in me to try them through, but now I am at least learning from my mistakes and we'll see how that turns out. I've realized that there aren't too many secrets to a beautiful life; it's just choosing the path that's too damn hard. Again and again until it becomes a habit. Start; Fail; Iterate. You know what scares me the most? That I might not be smart enough/hard-working enough to actually make it work. You know what keeps me awake at night? I actually know that in all probability I don't have a future. Unlike, almost all of my peers I really can't have a linear life, and that is shit scary. Thanks once again.
  - lionhearted 16y ago
    > I've realized that there aren't too many secrets to a beautiful life; it's just choosing the path that's too damn hard. Okay, if you look at "the path", it's going to be tough. 90% of the time you want to be looking at one of two things. Either: 1. What you want as your end outcome, or, 2. What the next step is That's it. Thinking "Oh man I'm going to have to go exercise for six months to get my weight and energy where I want..." - too much, that's too much for anyone. So think instead: What's my end goal? I want to be fit, long lived, with lots of energy. Okay. What's the next step? Go out for a 15 minute walk while listening to something pleasant. Then celebrate that. Don't focus on "the path" - the stuff that needs to be done. It's too much. Focus on what you want, and then ask what's the next action? It's taking a 15 minute walk. You can take a 15 minute walk. No problem. > You know what scares me the most? That I might not be smart enough/hard-working enough to actually make it work. Yeah, that's classical deterministic thinking right there. The ability to "actually make it work" doesn't come from being "smart enough/hard-working enough" - making it work isn't an inborn inability, it comes from regular, incremental training. Definitely check out Waitzkin's Art of Learning. It'll do wonders for you. It's a light, easy, pleasant read too. > I actually know that in all probability I don't have a future. Unlike, almost all of my peers I really can't have a linear life, and that is shit scary. Do your best to catch yourself saying stuff like that, and then cut down on how much you say it. There's nothing magical about having a functional life. You figure out what you want in the long term (this takes some thinking on, and it's time well spent - it's actually pretty enjoyable to think about). Then you ask, "What's the next action?" 15 minute walk, go to the grocery store and buy oatmeal/tuna/rice/fruit, clean all your clothes and throw out the junk in your room, just reduce your email inbox a little bit from 700 down to 600 by deleting a few useless things (recently I got my inbox from 700 emails down to 3 emails over the course of two weeks, just one step at a time on it...). It's always, "What's the end goal? Okay. What's the next small step?" There's no probability here, you're not rolling dice. If you think about what you want and take gradual steps to get there, you're almost certain to get there. If you introduce good foods to your diet while gradually quitting bad foods, your energy levels will improve. That's almost a certainty. That's how life works. You can do it. Celebrate the small wins, a successful life is a series of stringing small wins together, which eventually compound into bigger wins. In the end, it's not rocket surgery, and should be possible to anyone. You can do it.
piguy314 16y ago
What people don't tell you is that for every inspiring story about somebody rising above adversity to succeed there is another story that doesn't get told about somebody not becoming ultimately successful, every market process will have winners and losers. I definitely think you should seek help vis a vis your suicidal thoughts, up to and including reporting yourself to the police for suicide watch if you think that's necessary. Suicide is a permanent solution to a (usually) temporary problem. In regards to your comment about "running out of time to apply for college," don't you think that's a little silly, people of all ages return to college at various times during their life, you're never too old to get an education (unless you meant you are running out of time for the current semester, in that case just apply for next semester).
Tichy 16y ago
It sounds as if you are till quite young. Trust in time, and don't get hung up on things too much, would be my advice. Don't kill yourself, especially not over college admission! Sorry for the platitudes, but couldn't leave that standing... Feel free to email me.
- todayiamme 16y ago
  >>>Don't kill yourself, especially not over college admission!<<< I won't I have a beautiful sister and crazy ideas to live for. Thank you for commenting.
keeptrying 16y ago
* Theres no time frame to "go to college". Or for that matter to "be successful", "get married" or any such thing. Each to his own. * Dont be so hard on yourself. This kicks into motion a negative spiral. You need to stop this now. Immediately. Catch your negative thoughts. They are your real problem. Imagine how great a day would be without these thoughts? Meditation will really help in controlling negative thoughts. * Be thankful. You live in a great country. Your not walking 10 miles a day for getting drinking water. Your not hiding in the desert trying to avoid enslavement by warlords and your not in prison. Yay! Seriously, by being thankful, you'll feel happier and more grounded and thats a good way to start each day. * Usually the things that trip you up will seem so stupid. And thats just the nature of the game. You might not get a job because you forgot to spell check your resume. Shit happens. Different people have different problems. Realize that the only thing that matters is to fix that one problem and not: * What others would think if they knew you had a problem. (really is of no consequence) * The idea that you have problems and others dont (everyone does) * The idea that maybe at your age you shouldnt be having this problem (this is pure society induced crap) Come up with a way to fix that particular problem and move on. If it happens again, then you know you need a better method. But ALWAYS move on. Dont get stagnated by the past.
- todayiamme 16y ago
  Thanks a lot for the comment. The problem is that I live in India, and down here there is a time frame to go to college. I can only give the entrance exam in order to prove to those lofty institutions that I am "worthy enough" to walk through those doors. I hate this system, because everything falls down to a 6 hour exam which supposedly determines my entire "career". If possible I will apply to MIT et al, but I don't have any hopes for them. I know that college doesn't matter. At the same time I also know that it is a stamp that guarantees some basic standard of living, especially when people are free to discriminate against you. So, in all probability I won't go to college right now, but I will secure admission to some big name college so that I have something to fall back to. I actually don't want to go to college in India as it won't exactly be a happy experience for me. Lets just say that I am unacceptable to their "Indian sensibilities". At the same time you're right I have a lot to be thankful for. At least I am not on the street right now. You're absolutely right about everything else, but I have a question. How do you control those thoughts when you are not meditating? They overwhelm me and I just sink into them. What makes it worse is that it reminds me how little control I have over myself. So how do you do it? One of the biggest problems is that I live in an extremely negative environment, and I realize the need to break free. At the same time I exist within that paradigm and I seek security within it, which just increases the problems. On the other end you have given me the gem I need to survive. Moving on. That is perhaps the only way it can ever work out. Once again thank you.
mleonhard 16y ago
If you live in the US then you can go to college at any time. With a highschool diploma or GED, you can walk into any community college, fill out the application form, and you're immediately accepted for the next quarter. Take 2 years of the right classes and you can transfer to your state university. Once you're 25 years old, the government no longer expects your parents to contribute to your education, so you will become eligible for a lot more financial aid. I got $12k of free money in my last year because of this. I think you should go to college and get some work experience before trying to make a startup. I tried developing my own fax server product when I was 20. The product worked, but I made some poor business decisions and gave up. Then I went to community college, transferred to university, studied abroad, graduated, got a software engineering job in Amazon Web Services, learned and saved money for a few years, and then left to start my business. Now I am in a much better position to build a product and company. You can be in my position in 6-7 years.
- todayiamme 16y ago
  The problem is that I don't live in the US. I live in India and the educational system over here is screwed up, despite what the PR guys would have you to believe. >>>I think you should go to college and get some work experience before trying to make a startup. I tried developing my own fax server product when I was 20. The product worked, but I made some poor business decisions and gave up. Then I went to community college, transferred to university, studied abroad, graduated, got a software engineering job in Amazon Web Services, learned and saved money for a few years, and then left to start my business. Now I am in a much better position to build a product and company. You can be in my position in 6-7 years.<<< That's true, but there is a time loop-hole over here that I want to exploit. I have an idea that is extremely time dependent in the sense it is the low hanging fruit, and the second someone else with more resources figures that small bit out. Then it'll be the second when the going gets rough. I don't want money. Of course, I want to be rich enough to enjoy a few luxuries of life, but I don't want the money. I think that money inevitably corrupts us by distorting our perspective, and we end up chasing it. Instead, I want to make something beautiful and that startup idea is the most beautiful thing I can think of. So, I'll kick myself for the rest of my life if I don't make it. It's really not a choice for me in some ways. I HAVE to design things. I HAVE to make things. It's just the way I am. Of course, if push comes to shove I will fight till the end for my idea, but I will abandon it if it screws other things up. I've realized that there are limits to obsession in this world beyond which your drive turns into brakes.
fgf 16y ago
That sucks. Do you sleep well? If no the obvious advice applies, walk outside every morning, install flux or avoid bright screens at night etc. etc. For your year off have you considered doing something like volunteer work somewhere? 1. you'll be useful to someone 2. it will be cheap 3. your friends and the college admissions people won't think you're wasting your time (nor should they, you or anyone) 4. you will be able to live without stress from various obligations and social pressures (assuming this is a factor) 5. It's easy you could have it arranged in no time and just be off. And medicines supposedly work as well, if you haven't you should probably talk to a psychiatrist.
- todayiamme 16y ago
  >>>That sucks. Do you sleep well? If no the obvious advice applies, walk outside every morning, install flux or avoid bright screens at night etc. etc.<<< I try that every day, but every night it gets screwed up again. It is hard for me to sleep at night and harder to wake up. What happens in the end is that I end up sleeping 12-16 hours a day. >>>For your year off have you considered doing something like volunteer work somewhere? 1. you'll be useful to someone 2. it will be cheap 3. your friends and the college admissions people won't think you're wasting your time (nor should they, you or anyone) 4. you will be able to live without stress from various obligations and social pressures (assuming this is a factor) 5. It's easy you could have it arranged in no time and just be off.<<< I want to volunteer for things like Make A Wish Foundation, but my hands are full. I have to correct the fact that I am so volatile and I have to learn a lot of things. At the same time I will be honest to the college admissions people about how I've spent my time, and I'll show them the most important thing to me; my creations. My parents will in fact pressure me not to do social work. They instead want me to "compete" and "beat" the rest of the herd to secure "selection" into an IIT (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_Institutes_of_Technology http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_Institutes_of_Technology). The only problem is that I am not interested in a rat race. I want to do more with my life than play a stupid game based upon a 6 hour paper. >>>And medicines supposedly work as well, if you haven't you should probably talk to a psychiatrist.<<< I don't have access to a psychiatrist anymore due to various social factors. Since, I can't pay for one and I am not living on my own I have to tow the line in silence. I think that it's important for me to pick my battles wisely, and there is no use to fight over this. Thanks for replying!

lionhearted 16y ago

Some things that might be helpful to you, in no particular order: -Look at David Allen's book "Getting Things Done" for getting organized and putting a loose general system that lets you feel un-overwhelmed. Very important if you've got lots of random to-do's that are overwhelming -Look at Josh Waitzkin's book "The Art of Learning" - start to understand deterministic and incremental learning. Incremental learning sees success and failure as a result of gradually putting in training, deterministic learning sees things as a result of how good/bad you are. Incremental learning is empowering, deterministic is disempowering. -Have a listen to Tony Robbins' "Get the Edge" audio program - it was recommended to me here on Hacker News, and I was never into that sort of thing, but it's really good. He'll give you ideas on how to start an exercise program, start setting goals, etc. You should start walking at least 15 minutes a day. -If you don't have an iPod or other mp3 player now, beg, borrow, scrap, and scrape to afford a very cheap used model. Get some inspiring podcasts or audio books. Listen to them while doing errands or exercise that's boring. I hate doing mindless stuff, but it's a lot easier to get into a very good flow about cleaning, exercising for long periods of time, or running errands when you have interesting things to listen to. -I also like Brian Tracy's "The Luck Factor" on audio, it describes all the attitudes and mindsets that produce generally positive outcomes, what most people call luck. Normally I'd never advocate this as I believe in supporting content creators, but if you have literally no money and are on the verge of losing your mind, maybe go get a bittorrent client and download all this stuff. I think the creators will understand in this instance. Buy it later if you want to support their efforts, which you should with how much it can help you. Don't do this if it's illegal in your country or it seems wrong to you. Good luck. The answer is to take small steps and celebrate the wins. Every minute you spend in nature, doing light walking, reading and learning the skills you need to dig out, progressing, and building yourself up is a win. Celebrate every time you have the meal you want to eat, wake up on the sleep schedule you want to be sleeping on, go for a walk, go to the library, make a phone call to someone, or so on. I've been to the depths of hell a couple times, you always come out of it much stronger. But the only way out is small steps of fundamentals and celebrating the wins. Don't get yourself down for not being perfect, celebrate every time you eat well, exercise lightly, handle your errands/priorities, stay focused on what you want, learn something, and otherwise take good action. That's the way out. Finally, think about taking some martial arts. If you really have no money, tell the martial arts studio that you're very serious about training, have no money, but you'll clean the studio and run errands for them if you can get an occasional lesson at a mostly empty class. Tell them you're willing to do whatever it takes to contribute to the studio until you can afford your dues. Martial arts is good on lots of levels. Normally I'd recommend a scientific, military-based martial art to most people (like Krav Maga), but you actually might get more mileage out of Tai Chi, Kung Fu, or something with a spiritual/philosophical element to it. Good luck. You'll get out. When in doubt, keep moving forwards. You'll be stronger than the vast majority of people once you come out of this, because you'll know you were at the bottom and survived. Nothing will be so scary after this. Prosperity! Claim it. Small steps. Be creative, celebrate the small wins, and you'll be back as fast as possible, and then ready to thrive even further.

todayiamme 16y ago
Thank you. The funny thing is that in bits and pieces I had figured out most of the things you wrote, but I never connected them in this way. I also never had it in me to try them through, but now I am at least learning from my mistakes and we'll see how that turns out. I've realized that there aren't too many secrets to a beautiful life; it's just choosing the path that's too damn hard. Again and again until it becomes a habit. Start; Fail; Iterate. You know what scares me the most? That I might not be smart enough/hard-working enough to actually make it work. You know what keeps me awake at night? I actually know that in all probability I don't have a future. Unlike, almost all of my peers I really can't have a linear life, and that is shit scary. Thanks once again.
- lionhearted 16y ago
  > I've realized that there aren't too many secrets to a beautiful life; it's just choosing the path that's too damn hard. Okay, if you look at "the path", it's going to be tough. 90% of the time you want to be looking at one of two things. Either: 1. What you want as your end outcome, or, 2. What the next step is That's it. Thinking "Oh man I'm going to have to go exercise for six months to get my weight and energy where I want..." - too much, that's too much for anyone. So think instead: What's my end goal? I want to be fit, long lived, with lots of energy. Okay. What's the next step? Go out for a 15 minute walk while listening to something pleasant. Then celebrate that. Don't focus on "the path" - the stuff that needs to be done. It's too much. Focus on what you want, and then ask what's the next action? It's taking a 15 minute walk. You can take a 15 minute walk. No problem. > You know what scares me the most? That I might not be smart enough/hard-working enough to actually make it work. Yeah, that's classical deterministic thinking right there. The ability to "actually make it work" doesn't come from being "smart enough/hard-working enough" - making it work isn't an inborn inability, it comes from regular, incremental training. Definitely check out Waitzkin's Art of Learning. It'll do wonders for you. It's a light, easy, pleasant read too. > I actually know that in all probability I don't have a future. Unlike, almost all of my peers I really can't have a linear life, and that is shit scary. Do your best to catch yourself saying stuff like that, and then cut down on how much you say it. There's nothing magical about having a functional life. You figure out what you want in the long term (this takes some thinking on, and it's time well spent - it's actually pretty enjoyable to think about). Then you ask, "What's the next action?" 15 minute walk, go to the grocery store and buy oatmeal/tuna/rice/fruit, clean all your clothes and throw out the junk in your room, just reduce your email inbox a little bit from 700 down to 600 by deleting a few useless things (recently I got my inbox from 700 emails down to 3 emails over the course of two weeks, just one step at a time on it...). It's always, "What's the end goal? Okay. What's the next small step?" There's no probability here, you're not rolling dice. If you think about what you want and take gradual steps to get there, you're almost certain to get there. If you introduce good foods to your diet while gradually quitting bad foods, your energy levels will improve. That's almost a certainty. That's how life works. You can do it. Celebrate the small wins, a successful life is a series of stringing small wins together, which eventually compound into bigger wins. In the end, it's not rocket surgery, and should be possible to anyone. You can do it.

piguy314 16y ago

What people don't tell you is that for every inspiring story about somebody rising above adversity to succeed there is another story that doesn't get told about somebody not becoming ultimately successful, every market process will have winners and losers. I definitely think you should seek help vis a vis your suicidal thoughts, up to and including reporting yourself to the police for suicide watch if you think that's necessary. Suicide is a permanent solution to a (usually) temporary problem. In regards to your comment about "running out of time to apply for college," don't you think that's a little silly, people of all ages return to college at various times during their life, you're never too old to get an education (unless you meant you are running out of time for the current semester, in that case just apply for next semester).

Tichy 16y ago

It sounds as if you are till quite young. Trust in time, and don't get hung up on things too much, would be my advice. Don't kill yourself, especially not over college admission! Sorry for the platitudes, but couldn't leave that standing... Feel free to email me.

todayiamme 16y ago
>>>Don't kill yourself, especially not over college admission!<<< I won't I have a beautiful sister and crazy ideas to live for. Thank you for commenting.

keeptrying 16y ago

* Theres no time frame to "go to college". Or for that matter to "be successful", "get married" or any such thing. Each to his own. * Dont be so hard on yourself. This kicks into motion a negative spiral. You need to stop this now. Immediately. Catch your negative thoughts. They are your real problem. Imagine how great a day would be without these thoughts? Meditation will really help in controlling negative thoughts. * Be thankful. You live in a great country. Your not walking 10 miles a day for getting drinking water. Your not hiding in the desert trying to avoid enslavement by warlords and your not in prison. Yay! Seriously, by being thankful, you'll feel happier and more grounded and thats a good way to start each day. * Usually the things that trip you up will seem so stupid. And thats just the nature of the game. You might not get a job because you forgot to spell check your resume. Shit happens. Different people have different problems. Realize that the only thing that matters is to fix that one problem and not: * What others would think if they knew you had a problem. (really is of no consequence) * The idea that you have problems and others dont (everyone does) * The idea that maybe at your age you shouldnt be having this problem (this is pure society induced crap) Come up with a way to fix that particular problem and move on. If it happens again, then you know you need a better method. But ALWAYS move on. Dont get stagnated by the past.

todayiamme 16y ago
Thanks a lot for the comment. The problem is that I live in India, and down here there is a time frame to go to college. I can only give the entrance exam in order to prove to those lofty institutions that I am "worthy enough" to walk through those doors. I hate this system, because everything falls down to a 6 hour exam which supposedly determines my entire "career". If possible I will apply to MIT et al, but I don't have any hopes for them. I know that college doesn't matter. At the same time I also know that it is a stamp that guarantees some basic standard of living, especially when people are free to discriminate against you. So, in all probability I won't go to college right now, but I will secure admission to some big name college so that I have something to fall back to. I actually don't want to go to college in India as it won't exactly be a happy experience for me. Lets just say that I am unacceptable to their "Indian sensibilities". At the same time you're right I have a lot to be thankful for. At least I am not on the street right now. You're absolutely right about everything else, but I have a question. How do you control those thoughts when you are not meditating? They overwhelm me and I just sink into them. What makes it worse is that it reminds me how little control I have over myself. So how do you do it? One of the biggest problems is that I live in an extremely negative environment, and I realize the need to break free. At the same time I exist within that paradigm and I seek security within it, which just increases the problems. On the other end you have given me the gem I need to survive. Moving on. That is perhaps the only way it can ever work out. Once again thank you.

mleonhard 16y ago

If you live in the US then you can go to college at any time. With a highschool diploma or GED, you can walk into any community college, fill out the application form, and you're immediately accepted for the next quarter. Take 2 years of the right classes and you can transfer to your state university. Once you're 25 years old, the government no longer expects your parents to contribute to your education, so you will become eligible for a lot more financial aid. I got $12k of free money in my last year because of this. I think you should go to college and get some work experience before trying to make a startup. I tried developing my own fax server product when I was 20. The product worked, but I made some poor business decisions and gave up. Then I went to community college, transferred to university, studied abroad, graduated, got a software engineering job in Amazon Web Services, learned and saved money for a few years, and then left to start my business. Now I am in a much better position to build a product and company. You can be in my position in 6-7 years.

todayiamme 16y ago
The problem is that I don't live in the US. I live in India and the educational system over here is screwed up, despite what the PR guys would have you to believe. >>>I think you should go to college and get some work experience before trying to make a startup. I tried developing my own fax server product when I was 20. The product worked, but I made some poor business decisions and gave up. Then I went to community college, transferred to university, studied abroad, graduated, got a software engineering job in Amazon Web Services, learned and saved money for a few years, and then left to start my business. Now I am in a much better position to build a product and company. You can be in my position in 6-7 years.<<< That's true, but there is a time loop-hole over here that I want to exploit. I have an idea that is extremely time dependent in the sense it is the low hanging fruit, and the second someone else with more resources figures that small bit out. Then it'll be the second when the going gets rough. I don't want money. Of course, I want to be rich enough to enjoy a few luxuries of life, but I don't want the money. I think that money inevitably corrupts us by distorting our perspective, and we end up chasing it. Instead, I want to make something beautiful and that startup idea is the most beautiful thing I can think of. So, I'll kick myself for the rest of my life if I don't make it. It's really not a choice for me in some ways. I HAVE to design things. I HAVE to make things. It's just the way I am. Of course, if push comes to shove I will fight till the end for my idea, but I will abandon it if it screws other things up. I've realized that there are limits to obsession in this world beyond which your drive turns into brakes.

fgf 16y ago

That sucks. Do you sleep well? If no the obvious advice applies, walk outside every morning, install flux or avoid bright screens at night etc. etc. For your year off have you considered doing something like volunteer work somewhere? 1. you'll be useful to someone 2. it will be cheap 3. your friends and the college admissions people won't think you're wasting your time (nor should they, you or anyone) 4. you will be able to live without stress from various obligations and social pressures (assuming this is a factor) 5. It's easy you could have it arranged in no time and just be off. And medicines supposedly work as well, if you haven't you should probably talk to a psychiatrist.

todayiamme 16y ago
>>>That sucks. Do you sleep well? If no the obvious advice applies, walk outside every morning, install flux or avoid bright screens at night etc. etc.<<< I try that every day, but every night it gets screwed up again. It is hard for me to sleep at night and harder to wake up. What happens in the end is that I end up sleeping 12-16 hours a day. >>>For your year off have you considered doing something like volunteer work somewhere? 1. you'll be useful to someone 2. it will be cheap 3. your friends and the college admissions people won't think you're wasting your time (nor should they, you or anyone) 4. you will be able to live without stress from various obligations and social pressures (assuming this is a factor) 5. It's easy you could have it arranged in no time and just be off.<<< I want to volunteer for things like Make A Wish Foundation, but my hands are full. I have to correct the fact that I am so volatile and I have to learn a lot of things. At the same time I will be honest to the college admissions people about how I've spent my time, and I'll show them the most important thing to me; my creations. My parents will in fact pressure me not to do social work. They instead want me to "compete" and "beat" the rest of the herd to secure "selection" into an IIT (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_Institutes_of_Technology http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_Institutes_of_Technology). The only problem is that I am not interested in a rat race. I want to do more with my life than play a stupid game based upon a 6 hour paper. >>>And medicines supposedly work as well, if you haven't you should probably talk to a psychiatrist.<<< I don't have access to a psychiatrist anymore due to various social factors. Since, I can't pay for one and I am not living on my own I have to tow the line in silence. I think that it's important for me to pick my battles wisely, and there is no use to fight over this. Thanks for replying!