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Wow. That reminds me of last year. My ex made up phony charges to the police so she could keep more of my money (which the crown had to drop). After work foun

by fleitz 16y ago

Wow. That reminds me of last year. My ex made up phony charges to the police so she could keep more of my money (which the crown had to drop). After work found out they threatened to fire me to negotiate themselves a better position. Lost most of what I had to lawyers fees, lost the rest of it to the market. What I did in response: Lost 60 pounds Met a great, funny, vibrant, intelligent, much thinner and younger woman Told them I quit and ended up negotiating a better position Blew what little I had left on a trip to Burning Man, met some great friends and gained a lot of perspective. Grew my side biz into the point where it might survive the next 6 month, and lined up financing. The future: Quit my job last month Taking the side biz full time Life is indeed better on the other side. The funny thing about life is that to have the freedom to do anything you need to first lose everything. Courts, jails, and lawyers may be able to take your money, but they can't take your friends. Likewise they can confine your body, but they can't confine your mind. Going through all that gave me incredible perspective. I've always been a very caring and charitable person and it paid off in spades going through that whole ordeal. I never realized what an incredible social network I had developed through my character until I had to call on it. I left the ex with literally the shirt on my back and within a week had a fully furnished, albiet modestly, apartment and more importantly friends to fill it with cheer and laughter (to be honest a few tears as well, but mostly laughter and cheer).

honopu 16y ago
do you regret the trip to Burning Man? I've made a few trips to Kaua'i I couldn't necessarily "afford" and haven't regretted it.. which is why I ask. Thank You. edit: seems like you liked it :) Good on you bud.
- fleitz 16y ago
  Not at all. I went to restore my faith in humanity after reading about the gifting culture. It was at a very philosophical point in my life. I decided that if there were people that gave with out asking still left on the planet that I'd find them there, and so with that in mind I put an ad up on CL offering a free ride. It was a great party and I ended up doing a lot of that, but wandering the playa by day and night in varying forms of consciousness was some sort of vision quest for me. For me it's not a question of can you afford it but can you afford not to.
  - honopu 16y ago
    Thank you for the insight. Those people are certainly hard to find..at least as far as I know. :)
petercooper 16y ago
Met a great, funny, vibrant, intelligent, much thinner and younger woman Because being "much thinner and younger" is what we should celebrate about our new partners.
- cageface 16y ago
  Because being "much thinner and younger" is what we should celebrate about our new partners. The Western notion of romantic love papers over a lot of the primate realities. His ex probably thought she'd be trading him in for somebody more alpha so I don't begrudge him his success in an ironic turnabout. What people think should be true about relationships tends to get in the way of what is true about relationships.
  - sprout 16y ago
    The Western notion of "thinner and younger" also papers over a lot of the primate realities. I know quite a few women who when I first met were completely unremarkable if not downright unattractive, who over time became as attractive as any other. And being more conventionally attractive would not increase my eventual attraction to them, just as the vast majority of conventionally attractive women are not so at all after a very short time.
- dieterrams 16y ago
  To be fair, his ex was a septuagenarian pushing 300 lbs.
- philk 16y ago
  While you're busy pretending to be sensitive some of us are willing to admit that youth and looks are important to us in a partner. Also I note you disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part.
  - dieterrams 16y ago
    I feel like I'm wading into dangerous territory here ("I'm going to get downvoted for this"), but I think petercooper raised a valid objection (sort of). Not that I really want to be picking nits over all this and getting hyperanalytical over one line from fleitz's inspiring story, but... You know why petercooper disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part? Because those are qualities fleitz values in his new partner that are inherent to her. But the qualities of being "much thinner and younger" than some other woman are not. Those are the sort of comparisons you make when you view women as trophies, which, I hope we can all agree, is pretty douchebaggey. Now I don't actually think fleitz is a women-as-trophies sort of guy. He got screwed over by his ex, so he's just happy to point out some things about this woman he met that make her different from his ex and make him happier. No problem with that. But at least you can see what it is petercooper is responding to, which isn't simply being "willing to admit that youth and looks are important to us in a partner." (Also, I hope it's evident that this isn't the sort of thing you should admit, loudly, to your hot young girlfriend or whatever in front of a bunch of fat and old people. The idea that you should be honest about yourself isn't incompatible with the idea that there's a time and a place for everything.) So anyway, yeah, I don't think the guy deserved to get trashed for his response. It was an understandable one to make.

by fleitz 16y ago

honopu 16y ago

do you regret the trip to Burning Man? I've made a few trips to Kaua'i I couldn't necessarily "afford" and haven't regretted it.. which is why I ask. Thank You. edit: seems like you liked it :) Good on you bud.

fleitz 16y ago
Not at all. I went to restore my faith in humanity after reading about the gifting culture. It was at a very philosophical point in my life. I decided that if there were people that gave with out asking still left on the planet that I'd find them there, and so with that in mind I put an ad up on CL offering a free ride. It was a great party and I ended up doing a lot of that, but wandering the playa by day and night in varying forms of consciousness was some sort of vision quest for me. For me it's not a question of can you afford it but can you afford not to.
- honopu 16y ago
  Thank you for the insight. Those people are certainly hard to find..at least as far as I know. :)

petercooper 16y ago

Met a great, funny, vibrant, intelligent, much thinner and younger woman Because being "much thinner and younger" is what we should celebrate about our new partners.

cageface 16y ago
Because being "much thinner and younger" is what we should celebrate about our new partners. The Western notion of romantic love papers over a lot of the primate realities. His ex probably thought she'd be trading him in for somebody more alpha so I don't begrudge him his success in an ironic turnabout. What people think should be true about relationships tends to get in the way of what is true about relationships.
- sprout 16y ago
  The Western notion of "thinner and younger" also papers over a lot of the primate realities. I know quite a few women who when I first met were completely unremarkable if not downright unattractive, who over time became as attractive as any other. And being more conventionally attractive would not increase my eventual attraction to them, just as the vast majority of conventionally attractive women are not so at all after a very short time.
dieterrams 16y ago
To be fair, his ex was a septuagenarian pushing 300 lbs.
philk 16y ago
While you're busy pretending to be sensitive some of us are willing to admit that youth and looks are important to us in a partner. Also I note you disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part.
- dieterrams 16y ago
  I feel like I'm wading into dangerous territory here ("I'm going to get downvoted for this"), but I think petercooper raised a valid objection (sort of). Not that I really want to be picking nits over all this and getting hyperanalytical over one line from fleitz's inspiring story, but... You know why petercooper disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part? Because those are qualities fleitz values in his new partner that are inherent to her. But the qualities of being "much thinner and younger" than some other woman are not. Those are the sort of comparisons you make when you view women as trophies, which, I hope we can all agree, is pretty douchebaggey. Now I don't actually think fleitz is a women-as-trophies sort of guy. He got screwed over by his ex, so he's just happy to point out some things about this woman he met that make her different from his ex and make him happier. No problem with that. But at least you can see what it is petercooper is responding to, which isn't simply being "willing to admit that youth and looks are important to us in a partner." (Also, I hope it's evident that this isn't the sort of thing you should admit, loudly, to your hot young girlfriend or whatever in front of a bunch of fat and old people. The idea that you should be honest about yourself isn't incompatible with the idea that there's a time and a place for everything.) So anyway, yeah, I don't think the guy deserved to get trashed for his response. It was an understandable one to make.