16 ms·

My loss

348 points by grep 16y ago

sivers 16y ago
The HN take-away: Behind what looks like a success could actually be a failure. (And probably vice-versa.)
- chime 16y ago
  Absolutely true, especially the vice-versa part. Everyone's definition of success is different. Others may think you are a failure based on this post, while thinking you were a success based on almost every other post. Their perception of your success or failure should not change whether you feel successful or not. The only thing that matters is whether you yourself feel successful or not. If not (having read your blog for a while), I'm certain you're on the way to change things around. And yes, big changes are awesome. Took me almost a year to change my work/school situation but now I'm finally happy about how things are going to be.
  - hoprocker 16y ago
    The "vice-versa" part is an important life lesson. Walk to a freeway onramp w/ a rucksack on your back and stick out your thumb, you'll probably meet some fascinating people. Quit what seems like a safe job, travel a bit, land in a different city, and see what you can do there - at the worst, you'll find something differently stimulating. The fear of change is never based on certainty, just on an inverse relationship with one's own flexibility. And I'd wager that, generally speaking, the more flexible, the better.
- cageface 16y ago
  Also, make sure you're pursuing your own definition of success and not one you picked up from somebody else: http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_philosophy_of_success.html http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_ph... (De Botton's books on these and similar subjects are worth a read)
- edanm 16y ago
  For anyone that didn't click-through to it, Derek links to his favorite fable, which is well worth a read (one of my favorites too). http://sivers.org/horses http://sivers.org/horses He also wrote a song about that fable which is great, check it out here: http://sivers.org/mp3/DEREK_SIVERS-Still_Too_Soon_to_Tell-1998-08.mp3 http://sivers.org/mp3/DEREK_SIVERS-Still_Too_Soon_to_Tell-19...
- l0stman 16y ago
  Thanks for sharing this, it was extremely brave of you to do so. Speaking of one's failures in public requires a high degree of courage. Besides, from reading your other posts on HN, I thought you were what I would generally consider a successful guy. But like you said, there's always a flip side in every situation.
losethos 16y ago
That show Titus said, "You know why divorces cost so much? They're worth it."
fleitz 16y ago
Wow. That reminds me of last year. My ex made up phony charges to the police so she could keep more of my money (which the crown had to drop). After work found out they threatened to fire me to negotiate themselves a better position. Lost most of what I had to lawyers fees, lost the rest of it to the market. What I did in response: Lost 60 pounds Met a great, funny, vibrant, intelligent, much thinner and younger woman Told them I quit and ended up negotiating a better position Blew what little I had left on a trip to Burning Man, met some great friends and gained a lot of perspective. Grew my side biz into the point where it might survive the next 6 month, and lined up financing. The future: Quit my job last month Taking the side biz full time Life is indeed better on the other side. The funny thing about life is that to have the freedom to do anything you need to first lose everything. Courts, jails, and lawyers may be able to take your money, but they can't take your friends. Likewise they can confine your body, but they can't confine your mind. Going through all that gave me incredible perspective. I've always been a very caring and charitable person and it paid off in spades going through that whole ordeal. I never realized what an incredible social network I had developed through my character until I had to call on it. I left the ex with literally the shirt on my back and within a week had a fully furnished, albiet modestly, apartment and more importantly friends to fill it with cheer and laughter (to be honest a few tears as well, but mostly laughter and cheer).
- honopu 16y ago
  do you regret the trip to Burning Man? I've made a few trips to Kaua'i I couldn't necessarily "afford" and haven't regretted it.. which is why I ask. Thank You. edit: seems like you liked it :) Good on you bud.
  - fleitz 16y ago
    Not at all. I went to restore my faith in humanity after reading about the gifting culture. It was at a very philosophical point in my life. I decided that if there were people that gave with out asking still left on the planet that I'd find them there, and so with that in mind I put an ad up on CL offering a free ride. It was a great party and I ended up doing a lot of that, but wandering the playa by day and night in varying forms of consciousness was some sort of vision quest for me. For me it's not a question of can you afford it but can you afford not to.
cageface 16y ago
Side note - anybody thinking about getting married should look into the financial implications of getting divorced. It shouldn't stop you, but you should at least understand you're putting at least half of everything you own on the table and potentially more. I think you don't completely understand marriage unless you've been divorced. It may just be confirmation bias but I've been thinking about heading off in a much less conventional direction myself so articles like this are welcome.
- dkersten 16y ago
  Or make sure you understand the intricacies of asset protection and hide as much of your wealth away, out of reach of your ex-spouses lawyers.
  - sivers 16y ago
    Strong asset protection should never require hiding! You should always be able to have all assets fully revealed, and still be protected. Never depend on secrets.
    - jacquesm 16y ago
      That's so true. The other advice reads like security through obscurity, once the secret is blown (and there are no secrets if there is more than one person involved) the security is too.
    - dkersten 16y ago
      Bad choice of words perhaps. I really meant hide it out of reach, not hide it out of sight. Good point though. Actually hiding assets is a terrible form of protection (just as in computing security through obscurity is a terrible means of security). EDIT: Looks like jacquesm can type faster than I :-/
      - jacquesm 16y ago
        Hey, all I have is a typing diploma and a driving license, both were money well spent and I use them every day. It's not a whole lot of formal education but I get by ;)
honopu 16y ago
you are one hell of a man to post this. Take care. edit: directed at sivers
chloraphil 16y ago
why does google chrome barf on his site? (windows vista)
- sivers 16y ago
  Sorry - please email me specifics? derek@sivers.org Thanks!
  - tomjen3 16y ago
    Must be pretty specific - I run chrome on windows and it seemed fine (though I have no idea what it is supposed to look like, but there isn't anything wrong with it that I could see).
- chloraphil 16y ago
  Looks like it's unique to my install. I'd delete the comment if I could.
  - chloraphil 16y ago
    Disabling adblock made it work again. Even if I add the site to the whitelist it still doesn't work. How odd.
daeken 16y ago
I'm really hoping this happens for me. Not the bad part, of course; I'm hoping I've seen the worst of that. My startup is about to launch its flagship product on Tuesday after a year and a half of work, but we (myself and one of my cofounders that I live with) are currently packing up to go live with our respective parents, as the money's simply gone. It's been the most stressful 6 months of my life, as we've seen the slide into foreclosure and haven't been able to do anything about it, and it's all happening at the most important point of our company's life. I'm looking for the uptick from this, and I'll do what it takes to make it happen.
- gruseom 16y ago
  Best of luck with it! Many here will be rooting for you. Was mich nicht umbringt macht mich stärker.
  - daeken 16y ago
    Thanks very much -- honestly, if it wasn't for the support of the startup community (even though I'm not one of the cool kids doing web apps ;) ), there's no way in hell I could've made it through thus far. This has been one of the most incredible and incredibly stressful and trying experiences of my life, but it's all worth it, even if it doesn't pan out. If nothing else, I won't look back and wonder "what if".
- jacquesm 16y ago
  Why don't you go after external capital, it looks like you're well positioned to do that ?
  - daeken 16y ago
    We've been doing everything possible to not give up any of the company. We won't let it kill us, but we're going to try and get it off the ground without taking any investment if at all possible. We're starting to bring in money now, and we've got a lot of interested people, but the timing is just horrid.
dublinclontarf 16y ago
Makes me feel a hell of a lot better about the few thousand I've lost over the last few years from cockups. Good man.
coffeemug 16y ago
It's awesome on the other side, with a caveat. You will get rejected. Again, and again, and again. Things will go wrong. Your dreams will get shattered. The moment you demonstrate signs of success, suddenly people will start knocking on your door. And when things change, you'll get rejected again. People will leave, mutiny, and flip out. The worst and the best of human nature will come out in plain sight. If you're unprepared for this, a sliver of ice will form in your heart and will grow larger and larger, until there is nothing left. At the end, you will end up where you were before, with all your dreams shattered and endless cynicism about life and your fellow man in your heart. If you choose to say yes where you said no, and no where you said yes, you must learn to love people for their best and worst qualities, always and unconditionally, lest your adventure ends in a disaster.
jacquesm 16y ago
Hey Derek, That was pretty brave of you to write that and publish it for all the world to see. I don't doubt that this will only lead you to greater success, you're more free now to achieve that than you have been in more than a decade. Maybe the grass on the other side really is greener :) best of luck! Jacques
Alistra 16y ago
Nobody cares for your stupidity. Please stop making reddit out of HN.
- philk 16y ago
  Well I found it interesting. One of the scary things about trying to do something great is the fear that you'll fail and everything will go to hell. So it's quite nice to read someone who's had a terrible year say that they got through it okay. Also, describing it as "stupidity" seems a bit harsh. Everyone will make mistakes from time to time. I'd say Derek is a lot less stupid than the kind of person who didn't do anything and hence didn't have a company, savings or wife to lose.
mikecane 16y ago
Here is bad: Auschwitz, Treblinka, Buchenwald. Some survived. Never underestimate your ability to bounce back. When you can't summon strength, summon spite.
qq66 16y ago
I like the linked "horses" story a lot. "We'll see."
- blueag 16y ago
  It's an ancient Chinese fable, about blessing/misfortune in disguise. It's enshrined in Chinese chengyu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chengyu http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chengyu). Here's some info about the fable. http://www.chinese-chengyu.com/saiwengshima-a-blessing-in-disguise.html http://www.chinese-chengyu.com/saiwengshima-a-blessing-in-di...
todayiamme 16y ago
I am at rock bottom right now, and as I struggle to get up. I've searched for resources to help me figure out the best way out. I have made plans. Created structures for myself. Kicked myself. A lot. However, I've fallen flat on my face again and again due to a simple reason. I don't have the resources to execute any kind of measures to get myself out of this mess. I can't concentrate without getting suicidal imagery in my head and spiraling into a very disturbing cycle. I really don't have any pre-requisite life experience to rely on. The worst thing is that time is running out for me to apply to college. On the other hand, this is might be more of a blessing. I have literally started my life with a blank slate, and now I can choose the foundation for my future in a way that few can. If only I knew how.
- lionhearted 16y ago
  Some things that might be helpful to you, in no particular order: -Look at David Allen's book "Getting Things Done" for getting organized and putting a loose general system that lets you feel un-overwhelmed. Very important if you've got lots of random to-do's that are overwhelming -Look at Josh Waitzkin's book "The Art of Learning" - start to understand deterministic and incremental learning. Incremental learning sees success and failure as a result of gradually putting in training, deterministic learning sees things as a result of how good/bad you are. Incremental learning is empowering, deterministic is disempowering. -Have a listen to Tony Robbins' "Get the Edge" audio program - it was recommended to me here on Hacker News, and I was never into that sort of thing, but it's really good. He'll give you ideas on how to start an exercise program, start setting goals, etc. You should start walking at least 15 minutes a day. -If you don't have an iPod or other mp3 player now, beg, borrow, scrap, and scrape to afford a very cheap used model. Get some inspiring podcasts or audio books. Listen to them while doing errands or exercise that's boring. I hate doing mindless stuff, but it's a lot easier to get into a very good flow about cleaning, exercising for long periods of time, or running errands when you have interesting things to listen to. -I also like Brian Tracy's "The Luck Factor" on audio, it describes all the attitudes and mindsets that produce generally positive outcomes, what most people call luck. Normally I'd never advocate this as I believe in supporting content creators, but if you have literally no money and are on the verge of losing your mind, maybe go get a bittorrent client and download all this stuff. I think the creators will understand in this instance. Buy it later if you want to support their efforts, which you should with how much it can help you. Don't do this if it's illegal in your country or it seems wrong to you. Good luck. The answer is to take small steps and celebrate the wins. Every minute you spend in nature, doing light walking, reading and learning the skills you need to dig out, progressing, and building yourself up is a win. Celebrate every time you have the meal you want to eat, wake up on the sleep schedule you want to be sleeping on, go for a walk, go to the library, make a phone call to someone, or so on. I've been to the depths of hell a couple times, you always come out of it much stronger. But the only way out is small steps of fundamentals and celebrating the wins. Don't get yourself down for not being perfect, celebrate every time you eat well, exercise lightly, handle your errands/priorities, stay focused on what you want, learn something, and otherwise take good action. That's the way out. Finally, think about taking some martial arts. If you really have no money, tell the martial arts studio that you're very serious about training, have no money, but you'll clean the studio and run errands for them if you can get an occasional lesson at a mostly empty class. Tell them you're willing to do whatever it takes to contribute to the studio until you can afford your dues. Martial arts is good on lots of levels. Normally I'd recommend a scientific, military-based martial art to most people (like Krav Maga), but you actually might get more mileage out of Tai Chi, Kung Fu, or something with a spiritual/philosophical element to it. Good luck. You'll get out. When in doubt, keep moving forwards. You'll be stronger than the vast majority of people once you come out of this, because you'll know you were at the bottom and survived. Nothing will be so scary after this. Prosperity! Claim it. Small steps. Be creative, celebrate the small wins, and you'll be back as fast as possible, and then ready to thrive even further.
davidmurphy 16y ago
Yikes. I've had some absolutely insane things happen to me in the past 12 months, too. Just one horrid thing after another. Derek, good for you for getting through all this, and thanks for that encouraging last line--that things will be better on the other side. When you're going through hell, keep going!
billswift 16y ago
Shit happens, and good stuff, too; you just have to deal with whatever comes. One disagreement though - never, ever say, or even think, "Things can't get worse". There is always something worse that can happen.
megafotze 16y ago
what a fucking whiner
c00p3r 16y ago
I think such a "general" posts should be considered an off topic here. Two reasons. Well-reading people, which I assume a majority here, might find that kind of postings on the top page a little bit annoying. Second - there are a lot of such stories in each other's life. It is not a reason to expose them on the HN.
thomasfl 16y ago
I also lost a wife, a job and the house in one year. You kinda define yourself as where you work, who you're married with and where you're living. Beeing forced to change everything in one year is... interesting.

My loss

348 points by grep 16y ago

sivers 16y ago

The HN take-away: Behind what looks like a success could actually be a failure. (And probably vice-versa.)

chime 16y ago
Absolutely true, especially the vice-versa part. Everyone's definition of success is different. Others may think you are a failure based on this post, while thinking you were a success based on almost every other post. Their perception of your success or failure should not change whether you feel successful or not. The only thing that matters is whether you yourself feel successful or not. If not (having read your blog for a while), I'm certain you're on the way to change things around. And yes, big changes are awesome. Took me almost a year to change my work/school situation but now I'm finally happy about how things are going to be.
- hoprocker 16y ago
  The "vice-versa" part is an important life lesson. Walk to a freeway onramp w/ a rucksack on your back and stick out your thumb, you'll probably meet some fascinating people. Quit what seems like a safe job, travel a bit, land in a different city, and see what you can do there - at the worst, you'll find something differently stimulating. The fear of change is never based on certainty, just on an inverse relationship with one's own flexibility. And I'd wager that, generally speaking, the more flexible, the better.
cageface 16y ago
Also, make sure you're pursuing your own definition of success and not one you picked up from somebody else: http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_philosophy_of_success.html http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_ph... (De Botton's books on these and similar subjects are worth a read)
edanm 16y ago
For anyone that didn't click-through to it, Derek links to his favorite fable, which is well worth a read (one of my favorites too). http://sivers.org/horses http://sivers.org/horses He also wrote a song about that fable which is great, check it out here: http://sivers.org/mp3/DEREK_SIVERS-Still_Too_Soon_to_Tell-1998-08.mp3 http://sivers.org/mp3/DEREK_SIVERS-Still_Too_Soon_to_Tell-19...
l0stman 16y ago
Thanks for sharing this, it was extremely brave of you to do so. Speaking of one's failures in public requires a high degree of courage. Besides, from reading your other posts on HN, I thought you were what I would generally consider a successful guy. But like you said, there's always a flip side in every situation.

losethos 16y ago

That show Titus said, "You know why divorces cost so much? They're worth it."

fleitz 16y ago

Wow. That reminds me of last year. My ex made up phony charges to the police so she could keep more of my money (which the crown had to drop). After work found out they threatened to fire me to negotiate themselves a better position. Lost most of what I had to lawyers fees, lost the rest of it to the market. What I did in response: Lost 60 pounds Met a great, funny, vibrant, intelligent, much thinner and younger woman Told them I quit and ended up negotiating a better position Blew what little I had left on a trip to Burning Man, met some great friends and gained a lot of perspective. Grew my side biz into the point where it might survive the next 6 month, and lined up financing. The future: Quit my job last month Taking the side biz full time Life is indeed better on the other side. The funny thing about life is that to have the freedom to do anything you need to first lose everything. Courts, jails, and lawyers may be able to take your money, but they can't take your friends. Likewise they can confine your body, but they can't confine your mind. Going through all that gave me incredible perspective. I've always been a very caring and charitable person and it paid off in spades going through that whole ordeal. I never realized what an incredible social network I had developed through my character until I had to call on it. I left the ex with literally the shirt on my back and within a week had a fully furnished, albiet modestly, apartment and more importantly friends to fill it with cheer and laughter (to be honest a few tears as well, but mostly laughter and cheer).

honopu 16y ago
do you regret the trip to Burning Man? I've made a few trips to Kaua'i I couldn't necessarily "afford" and haven't regretted it.. which is why I ask. Thank You. edit: seems like you liked it :) Good on you bud.
- fleitz 16y ago
  Not at all. I went to restore my faith in humanity after reading about the gifting culture. It was at a very philosophical point in my life. I decided that if there were people that gave with out asking still left on the planet that I'd find them there, and so with that in mind I put an ad up on CL offering a free ride. It was a great party and I ended up doing a lot of that, but wandering the playa by day and night in varying forms of consciousness was some sort of vision quest for me. For me it's not a question of can you afford it but can you afford not to.

cageface 16y ago

Side note - anybody thinking about getting married should look into the financial implications of getting divorced. It shouldn't stop you, but you should at least understand you're putting at least half of everything you own on the table and potentially more. I think you don't completely understand marriage unless you've been divorced. It may just be confirmation bias but I've been thinking about heading off in a much less conventional direction myself so articles like this are welcome.

dkersten 16y ago
Or make sure you understand the intricacies of asset protection and hide as much of your wealth away, out of reach of your ex-spouses lawyers.
- sivers 16y ago
  Strong asset protection should never require hiding! You should always be able to have all assets fully revealed, and still be protected. Never depend on secrets.
  - jacquesm 16y ago
    That's so true. The other advice reads like security through obscurity, once the secret is blown (and there are no secrets if there is more than one person involved) the security is too.
  - dkersten 16y ago
    Bad choice of words perhaps. I really meant hide it out of reach, not hide it out of sight. Good point though. Actually hiding assets is a terrible form of protection (just as in computing security through obscurity is a terrible means of security). EDIT: Looks like jacquesm can type faster than I :-/
    - jacquesm 16y ago
      Hey, all I have is a typing diploma and a driving license, both were money well spent and I use them every day. It's not a whole lot of formal education but I get by ;)

honopu 16y ago

you are one hell of a man to post this. Take care. edit: directed at sivers

chloraphil 16y ago

why does google chrome barf on his site? (windows vista)

sivers 16y ago
Sorry - please email me specifics? derek@sivers.org Thanks!
- tomjen3 16y ago
  Must be pretty specific - I run chrome on windows and it seemed fine (though I have no idea what it is supposed to look like, but there isn't anything wrong with it that I could see).
chloraphil 16y ago
Looks like it's unique to my install. I'd delete the comment if I could.
- chloraphil 16y ago
  Disabling adblock made it work again. Even if I add the site to the whitelist it still doesn't work. How odd.

daeken 16y ago

I'm really hoping this happens for me. Not the bad part, of course; I'm hoping I've seen the worst of that. My startup is about to launch its flagship product on Tuesday after a year and a half of work, but we (myself and one of my cofounders that I live with) are currently packing up to go live with our respective parents, as the money's simply gone. It's been the most stressful 6 months of my life, as we've seen the slide into foreclosure and haven't been able to do anything about it, and it's all happening at the most important point of our company's life. I'm looking for the uptick from this, and I'll do what it takes to make it happen.

gruseom 16y ago
Best of luck with it! Many here will be rooting for you. Was mich nicht umbringt macht mich stärker.
- daeken 16y ago
  Thanks very much -- honestly, if it wasn't for the support of the startup community (even though I'm not one of the cool kids doing web apps ;) ), there's no way in hell I could've made it through thus far. This has been one of the most incredible and incredibly stressful and trying experiences of my life, but it's all worth it, even if it doesn't pan out. If nothing else, I won't look back and wonder "what if".
jacquesm 16y ago
Why don't you go after external capital, it looks like you're well positioned to do that ?
- daeken 16y ago
  We've been doing everything possible to not give up any of the company. We won't let it kill us, but we're going to try and get it off the ground without taking any investment if at all possible. We're starting to bring in money now, and we've got a lot of interested people, but the timing is just horrid.

dublinclontarf 16y ago

Makes me feel a hell of a lot better about the few thousand I've lost over the last few years from cockups. Good man.

coffeemug 16y ago

It's awesome on the other side, with a caveat. You will get rejected. Again, and again, and again. Things will go wrong. Your dreams will get shattered. The moment you demonstrate signs of success, suddenly people will start knocking on your door. And when things change, you'll get rejected again. People will leave, mutiny, and flip out. The worst and the best of human nature will come out in plain sight. If you're unprepared for this, a sliver of ice will form in your heart and will grow larger and larger, until there is nothing left. At the end, you will end up where you were before, with all your dreams shattered and endless cynicism about life and your fellow man in your heart. If you choose to say yes where you said no, and no where you said yes, you must learn to love people for their best and worst qualities, always and unconditionally, lest your adventure ends in a disaster.

jacquesm 16y ago

Hey Derek, That was pretty brave of you to write that and publish it for all the world to see. I don't doubt that this will only lead you to greater success, you're more free now to achieve that than you have been in more than a decade. Maybe the grass on the other side really is greener :) best of luck! Jacques

Alistra 16y ago

Nobody cares for your stupidity. Please stop making reddit out of HN.

philk 16y ago
Well I found it interesting. One of the scary things about trying to do something great is the fear that you'll fail and everything will go to hell. So it's quite nice to read someone who's had a terrible year say that they got through it okay. Also, describing it as "stupidity" seems a bit harsh. Everyone will make mistakes from time to time. I'd say Derek is a lot less stupid than the kind of person who didn't do anything and hence didn't have a company, savings or wife to lose.

mikecane 16y ago

Here is bad: Auschwitz, Treblinka, Buchenwald. Some survived. Never underestimate your ability to bounce back. When you can't summon strength, summon spite.

qq66 16y ago

I like the linked "horses" story a lot. "We'll see."

blueag 16y ago
It's an ancient Chinese fable, about blessing/misfortune in disguise. It's enshrined in Chinese chengyu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chengyu http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chengyu). Here's some info about the fable. http://www.chinese-chengyu.com/saiwengshima-a-blessing-in-disguise.html http://www.chinese-chengyu.com/saiwengshima-a-blessing-in-di...

todayiamme 16y ago

I am at rock bottom right now, and as I struggle to get up. I've searched for resources to help me figure out the best way out. I have made plans. Created structures for myself. Kicked myself. A lot. However, I've fallen flat on my face again and again due to a simple reason. I don't have the resources to execute any kind of measures to get myself out of this mess. I can't concentrate without getting suicidal imagery in my head and spiraling into a very disturbing cycle. I really don't have any pre-requisite life experience to rely on. The worst thing is that time is running out for me to apply to college. On the other hand, this is might be more of a blessing. I have literally started my life with a blank slate, and now I can choose the foundation for my future in a way that few can. If only I knew how.

lionhearted 16y ago
Some things that might be helpful to you, in no particular order: -Look at David Allen's book "Getting Things Done" for getting organized and putting a loose general system that lets you feel un-overwhelmed. Very important if you've got lots of random to-do's that are overwhelming -Look at Josh Waitzkin's book "The Art of Learning" - start to understand deterministic and incremental learning. Incremental learning sees success and failure as a result of gradually putting in training, deterministic learning sees things as a result of how good/bad you are. Incremental learning is empowering, deterministic is disempowering. -Have a listen to Tony Robbins' "Get the Edge" audio program - it was recommended to me here on Hacker News, and I was never into that sort of thing, but it's really good. He'll give you ideas on how to start an exercise program, start setting goals, etc. You should start walking at least 15 minutes a day. -If you don't have an iPod or other mp3 player now, beg, borrow, scrap, and scrape to afford a very cheap used model. Get some inspiring podcasts or audio books. Listen to them while doing errands or exercise that's boring. I hate doing mindless stuff, but it's a lot easier to get into a very good flow about cleaning, exercising for long periods of time, or running errands when you have interesting things to listen to. -I also like Brian Tracy's "The Luck Factor" on audio, it describes all the attitudes and mindsets that produce generally positive outcomes, what most people call luck. Normally I'd never advocate this as I believe in supporting content creators, but if you have literally no money and are on the verge of losing your mind, maybe go get a bittorrent client and download all this stuff. I think the creators will understand in this instance. Buy it later if you want to support their efforts, which you should with how much it can help you. Don't do this if it's illegal in your country or it seems wrong to you. Good luck. The answer is to take small steps and celebrate the wins. Every minute you spend in nature, doing light walking, reading and learning the skills you need to dig out, progressing, and building yourself up is a win. Celebrate every time you have the meal you want to eat, wake up on the sleep schedule you want to be sleeping on, go for a walk, go to the library, make a phone call to someone, or so on. I've been to the depths of hell a couple times, you always come out of it much stronger. But the only way out is small steps of fundamentals and celebrating the wins. Don't get yourself down for not being perfect, celebrate every time you eat well, exercise lightly, handle your errands/priorities, stay focused on what you want, learn something, and otherwise take good action. That's the way out. Finally, think about taking some martial arts. If you really have no money, tell the martial arts studio that you're very serious about training, have no money, but you'll clean the studio and run errands for them if you can get an occasional lesson at a mostly empty class. Tell them you're willing to do whatever it takes to contribute to the studio until you can afford your dues. Martial arts is good on lots of levels. Normally I'd recommend a scientific, military-based martial art to most people (like Krav Maga), but you actually might get more mileage out of Tai Chi, Kung Fu, or something with a spiritual/philosophical element to it. Good luck. You'll get out. When in doubt, keep moving forwards. You'll be stronger than the vast majority of people once you come out of this, because you'll know you were at the bottom and survived. Nothing will be so scary after this. Prosperity! Claim it. Small steps. Be creative, celebrate the small wins, and you'll be back as fast as possible, and then ready to thrive even further.

davidmurphy 16y ago

Yikes. I've had some absolutely insane things happen to me in the past 12 months, too. Just one horrid thing after another. Derek, good for you for getting through all this, and thanks for that encouraging last line--that things will be better on the other side. When you're going through hell, keep going!

billswift 16y ago

Shit happens, and good stuff, too; you just have to deal with whatever comes. One disagreement though - never, ever say, or even think, "Things can't get worse". There is always something worse that can happen.

megafotze 16y ago

what a fucking whiner

c00p3r 16y ago

I think such a "general" posts should be considered an off topic here. Two reasons. Well-reading people, which I assume a majority here, might find that kind of postings on the top page a little bit annoying. Second - there are a lot of such stories in each other's life. It is not a reason to expose them on the HN.

thomasfl 16y ago

I also lost a wife, a job and the house in one year. You kinda define yourself as where you work, who you're married with and where you're living. Beeing forced to change everything in one year is... interesting.