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I don't use this app and this article kind of explains why. If I go to dinner with friends, or anything, I'd rather pick up the check than worry about splitting

I don't use this app and this article kind of explains why. If I go to dinner with friends, or anything, I'd rather pick up the check than worry about splitting it. The next time, they'll pickup the tab, and so forth. That's what friends do. I don't know if I'd want to go out with someone who is going to bill me for it later, or wants to use an app to split things up. For me it just makes things superficial, awkward, and distant.

sotojuan 9y ago
Might be a cultural thing? I have friends that have your point of view, and others where every meal out is a communal experience (everyone chips in, but everyone can eat every dish) even if the restaurant is not set up that way.
R_haterade 9y ago
Agreed. I think it's simple common courtesy that the person extending the invite picks up the check.
- deorcness 9y ago
  In my experience, that's culturally exclusive to the upper-middle and upper echelons of society. In working class groups, no single person is expected to pay for everything; it's split relatively evenly.
  - seanp2k2 9y ago
    It's absolutely cultural. Within Hong Kong culture (a close friend is Cantonese), there's this funny thing where people fight to pay the bill. You typically get points for doing it before anyone else even has the chance. Sometimes a person will get up to "use the restroom" then go pay the bill away from everyone else. It's seen as a privilege and an honor to be able to pay for everyone. Considering that in the family, we sometimes go out to seafood places with a dozen or more people (all family), it can get expensive. It's a bit of a show-off thing IMO, but the family is not obnoxious about it (no one actually tries the bathroom thing with us; they just joke about it...but we also never ever split the bill or even show it around or let anyone else see it).
  - nilkn 9y ago
    My family is not upper middle class but if you try to pay for everyone, you'll find someone else has already slipped their card to the waiter. I've seen relatives almost get into arguments because two people insisted on paying. Outside of my family, I've also had friends from relatively poor backgrounds insist on paying for lunch or drinks before. And I've had wealthy friends act extremely petty down to the penny. So overall I've found it's hard or impossible to generalize too much.
    - DanBC 9y ago
      See also Father Ted: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk3ds-VFKBs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk3ds-VFKBs
lawnchair_larry 9y ago
Weird. Perfectly normal for any groups I've ever eaten with. Easy to ask the server to split the bill.
- ac29 9y ago
  >Perfectly normal for any groups I've ever eaten with. Easy to ask the server to split the bill. Try that with a group of 8-12 people, especially if they all want to be charged different amounts. Some places will do it, but many wont. A lot easier for one person to pay, and others to pay them back with cash (or one of the million free payment apps like Venmo).
  - tunetine 9y ago
    Where does this happen? If they want their money, they will split it and do what they have to do.
    - djur 9y ago
      Plenty of restaurants have policies limiting how many ways they'll split a check.
      - nilved 9y ago
        Must be a regional thing, I've never heard of that. It sort of makes sense when you consider there is a flat rate for each tranasction.
      - rahilb 9y ago
        So you get hosed for a 20 percent tip and the waiter can't be arsed to visit each person at the table with a card machine and ask how much they owe? I really wonder what exactly the tip is for in this situation.
        djur 9y ago
        Restaurants in the US don't bring a machine to the table, which I understand to be commonplace elsewhere. (At least, I have never seen one in my entire life.) The waiter delivers a paper bill to the table, often in a billfold. The diners get together cash/cards (and very rarely, checks) and put it on top of the check or in the billfold. If you're splitting the check, you have to tell the waiter who to charge for what. If you're lucky, everyone ordered their own meals and drinks and nothing was split. Then you can usually just say "this card is mine, this card is hers, this card is his" and it works. Otherwise, you usually have to break out a pen and tally up everyone's share and write it on the back of the bill or somewhere like that. Then the waiter goes away with your cards to the register (or a computerized POS system), runs the charges, and hopefully doesn't copy your card for their own fraudulent use. They get separate printed receipts for each paying diner and bring them back to the table along with the cards and any change (if people paid in cash). People paying in card add their tips to the receipt and sign it, and people paying in cash leave their tips on the table. Then you're done. Suffice it to say that this is a huge pain in the ass for everyone involved, and takes time that the waitstaff could be using to provide better service to other customers. Also, especially for smaller restaurants running on an extremely narrow margin, the credit card fees for splitting a table too many ways can be financially unacceptable.
closeparen 9y ago
Reciprocity like that is easy when you're eating with the same person on a regular cadence, but harder when it's highly irregular (i.e. you meet up because you happen to be in the same city) or you see different combinations of a large group each time. I'm not wild about blowing my entertainment budget for the month in one meal, which is what would happen if I paid for 4 people, though on a long enough time horizon (decades?) it might work out the same in the end.
- lisper 9y ago
  > Reciprocity like that is easy when you're eating with the same person on a regular cadence, but harder when it's highly irregular Also much easier when you're rich than when you're not.
mjw1007 9y ago
That's a good way to make sure that people with significantly different amounts of money don't socialise together.
- titanomachy 9y ago
  Or they can "pay you back" a different way. Maybe invite you over for a home-cooked dinner or something.
- greenshackle2 9y ago
  Not necessarily. My policy (with close friends) is that if I invite someone, I'll pick the place and pay. They can pick the place and the tab next time. I don't want to have to worry about my friend's finances when inviting them out (I want to grab sushi with Irene, but can she can afford it?). They can pick a cheaper place or invite me over for a home-cooked meal if they can't afford to invite me out to a nice restaurant. I work in tech while most of my close friends are still students, the point is to be able to do nice (more expensive) things with them, which we could never do if we always split the bill.
prodtorok 9y ago
Ever been a college student?
- tunetine 9y ago
  "Separate checks, please."
  - prodtorok 9y ago
    "can we split for this case of beer?" "can we split for this pizza delivery?" "can we do an iou for my friend who forgot their card?" "can we split this utility bill?"
watwut 9y ago
If you have more money or simply don't mind spending a lot on them in restaurant, then this strategy forces me to pay way more then I would otherwise - while I get nothing in return. Well, except socialization which is worth something. But I still like splitting check much more. It allows me to spend/not spend how I want regardless of whether I am least or most willing one to pay for more expensive things. If I drink/eat a lot I pay a lot and I don't have to feel bad about somebody else paying it. And if I want to save money, I don't drink and don't have to worry about friend eating a lot.
tzs 9y ago
One problem with the alternating tab pickup system is that if some people routinely eat more than the group average and some routinely eat less then either the sparse eaters end up subsidizing the abundant eaters, or the abundant eaters end up purposefully eating less than they want in order to make the finances fair. Both cases are likely to lead to unspoken resentment within the group.
rand77763 9y ago
Thank you, exactly. I'd rather just pick it up one time and expect that they do it sometimes as well. I don't want it to seem like I actually give a fuck about 12 dollars for the experience of hanging out and having a good time. And I don't.

sotojuan 9y ago

Might be a cultural thing? I have friends that have your point of view, and others where every meal out is a communal experience (everyone chips in, but everyone can eat every dish) even if the restaurant is not set up that way.

R_haterade 9y ago

Agreed. I think it's simple common courtesy that the person extending the invite picks up the check.

deorcness 9y ago
In my experience, that's culturally exclusive to the upper-middle and upper echelons of society. In working class groups, no single person is expected to pay for everything; it's split relatively evenly.
- seanp2k2 9y ago
  It's absolutely cultural. Within Hong Kong culture (a close friend is Cantonese), there's this funny thing where people fight to pay the bill. You typically get points for doing it before anyone else even has the chance. Sometimes a person will get up to "use the restroom" then go pay the bill away from everyone else. It's seen as a privilege and an honor to be able to pay for everyone. Considering that in the family, we sometimes go out to seafood places with a dozen or more people (all family), it can get expensive. It's a bit of a show-off thing IMO, but the family is not obnoxious about it (no one actually tries the bathroom thing with us; they just joke about it...but we also never ever split the bill or even show it around or let anyone else see it).
- nilkn 9y ago
  My family is not upper middle class but if you try to pay for everyone, you'll find someone else has already slipped their card to the waiter. I've seen relatives almost get into arguments because two people insisted on paying. Outside of my family, I've also had friends from relatively poor backgrounds insist on paying for lunch or drinks before. And I've had wealthy friends act extremely petty down to the penny. So overall I've found it's hard or impossible to generalize too much.
  - DanBC 9y ago
    See also Father Ted: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk3ds-VFKBs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk3ds-VFKBs

lawnchair_larry 9y ago

Weird. Perfectly normal for any groups I've ever eaten with. Easy to ask the server to split the bill.

ac29 9y ago
>Perfectly normal for any groups I've ever eaten with. Easy to ask the server to split the bill. Try that with a group of 8-12 people, especially if they all want to be charged different amounts. Some places will do it, but many wont. A lot easier for one person to pay, and others to pay them back with cash (or one of the million free payment apps like Venmo).
- tunetine 9y ago
  Where does this happen? If they want their money, they will split it and do what they have to do.
  - djur 9y ago
    Plenty of restaurants have policies limiting how many ways they'll split a check.
    - nilved 9y ago
      Must be a regional thing, I've never heard of that. It sort of makes sense when you consider there is a flat rate for each tranasction.
    - rahilb 9y ago
      So you get hosed for a 20 percent tip and the waiter can't be arsed to visit each person at the table with a card machine and ask how much they owe? I really wonder what exactly the tip is for in this situation.
      - djur 9y ago
        Restaurants in the US don't bring a machine to the table, which I understand to be commonplace elsewhere. (At least, I have never seen one in my entire life.) The waiter delivers a paper bill to the table, often in a billfold. The diners get together cash/cards (and very rarely, checks) and put it on top of the check or in the billfold. If you're splitting the check, you have to tell the waiter who to charge for what. If you're lucky, everyone ordered their own meals and drinks and nothing was split. Then you can usually just say "this card is mine, this card is hers, this card is his" and it works. Otherwise, you usually have to break out a pen and tally up everyone's share and write it on the back of the bill or somewhere like that. Then the waiter goes away with your cards to the register (or a computerized POS system), runs the charges, and hopefully doesn't copy your card for their own fraudulent use. They get separate printed receipts for each paying diner and bring them back to the table along with the cards and any change (if people paid in cash). People paying in card add their tips to the receipt and sign it, and people paying in cash leave their tips on the table. Then you're done. Suffice it to say that this is a huge pain in the ass for everyone involved, and takes time that the waitstaff could be using to provide better service to other customers. Also, especially for smaller restaurants running on an extremely narrow margin, the credit card fees for splitting a table too many ways can be financially unacceptable.

closeparen 9y ago

Reciprocity like that is easy when you're eating with the same person on a regular cadence, but harder when it's highly irregular (i.e. you meet up because you happen to be in the same city) or you see different combinations of a large group each time. I'm not wild about blowing my entertainment budget for the month in one meal, which is what would happen if I paid for 4 people, though on a long enough time horizon (decades?) it might work out the same in the end.

lisper 9y ago
> Reciprocity like that is easy when you're eating with the same person on a regular cadence, but harder when it's highly irregular Also much easier when you're rich than when you're not.

mjw1007 9y ago

That's a good way to make sure that people with significantly different amounts of money don't socialise together.

titanomachy 9y ago
Or they can "pay you back" a different way. Maybe invite you over for a home-cooked dinner or something.
greenshackle2 9y ago
Not necessarily. My policy (with close friends) is that if I invite someone, I'll pick the place and pay. They can pick the place and the tab next time. I don't want to have to worry about my friend's finances when inviting them out (I want to grab sushi with Irene, but can she can afford it?). They can pick a cheaper place or invite me over for a home-cooked meal if they can't afford to invite me out to a nice restaurant. I work in tech while most of my close friends are still students, the point is to be able to do nice (more expensive) things with them, which we could never do if we always split the bill.

prodtorok 9y ago

Ever been a college student?

tunetine 9y ago
"Separate checks, please."
- prodtorok 9y ago
  "can we split for this case of beer?" "can we split for this pizza delivery?" "can we do an iou for my friend who forgot their card?" "can we split this utility bill?"

watwut 9y ago

If you have more money or simply don't mind spending a lot on them in restaurant, then this strategy forces me to pay way more then I would otherwise - while I get nothing in return. Well, except socialization which is worth something. But I still like splitting check much more. It allows me to spend/not spend how I want regardless of whether I am least or most willing one to pay for more expensive things. If I drink/eat a lot I pay a lot and I don't have to feel bad about somebody else paying it. And if I want to save money, I don't drink and don't have to worry about friend eating a lot.

tzs 9y ago

One problem with the alternating tab pickup system is that if some people routinely eat more than the group average and some routinely eat less then either the sparse eaters end up subsidizing the abundant eaters, or the abundant eaters end up purposefully eating less than they want in order to make the finances fair. Both cases are likely to lead to unspoken resentment within the group.

rand77763 9y ago

Thank you, exactly. I'd rather just pick it up one time and expect that they do it sometimes as well. I don't want it to seem like I actually give a fuck about 12 dollars for the experience of hanging out and having a good time. And I don't.