4 ms·

When your children are adults you're going to miss the time, not what you gave them.

saalweachter 9y ago
Just Re: the "think of the children" angle. My commute is 2 hours and change, each way; I'm out of the house for a little over 12 hours a day. My job is flexible, so I can leave for work at a little before 9 and return home a little after; I can also work from home 1 day a week. This amounts to being away from home ... about 50 hours a week, 60 when I go into the office all five days. Is this forum really going to tell me being out of the house 50 or 60 hours a week is excessive? Compared to a parent who has to work 2 jobs, or who has a job that requires long shifts, or who has to be away from home for weeks or months, a well-managed long commute hardly interferes with a family life at all.
- dyeje 9y ago
  In the original comment, the person speaks about being commuting to work or at work literally all their waking hours. That's the scenario, not 50-60 hours a week.
- morgtheborg 9y ago
  > Compared to a parent who has to work 2 jobs, or who has a job that requires long shifts, or who has to be away from home for weeks or months Yea, those are shitty for family life too.
- accountyaccount 9y ago
  I work 9-5 with a 30 minute commute and see my kid for about 2 hours a day during the week. If you leave at 9 I imagine you get some morning time, so maybe that's your time (and you'd get probably roughly 2 hours there?). Totally cool if that works. I grew up with a single mom who worked 60+ hours a week and I really only spent time with her on weekends. In retrospect I wish I had parents around when I was growing up. She didn't really have a choice, and she feels the same way I do about it — we wish it was possible. I don't want to criticize someone's life and what works for them too harshly, since this is just my personal experience, but I've been on the side of the child and the parent in a situation like this and I didn't like it on either end.
  - ryandrake 9y ago
    I have what people would probably describe as an extreme commute. 2+ hours each way (maybe 1.5 hours in the summer when there's less traffic). I leave the house before kiddo wakes up and am usually back after she goes to bed. It sucks. But my spouse is stay-at-home which is barely do-able financially in the Bay Area. I think it's important to let my kid have her own room and sharing walls with neighbors sucks, so apartments and townhouses are not acceptable. I'd move elsewhere but there are very few areas in the country that actually have more than a handful of good tech jobs that are also close to housing.
    - Sorreah 9y ago
      What's wrong with living close to people as a kid? This line of thinking is entirely new and really foreign to me. Even my grandparents, and the people around them, living in a tiny town and owning quite a few large pieces of land chose to build their homes close to each other. Sharing walls even. How is not seeing your father better than sharing a wall with someone?
      - ryandrake 9y ago
        Sharing a wall means becoming a recipient of whatever sounds and smells my neighbors (whom I cannot choose) decide to let emanate. My family has lived in apartments/townhomes and had to deal with, among other things: * Deep wall-shaking bass music * Game show TV turned up to the highest level, at 3 in the morning * The smells of fried rotting fish heads * Power tools * Continuous dropping of items ranging from silverware to books to unidentifiable large metal objects onto tile (shared ceiling) * A vast variety of sex noises * The smells of sewage backed up into a bathroom * Horse-like foot traffic on a set of shared wooden stairways late into the night (drug deals going on upstairs) Never again. Yes, you can have shitty neighbors in the single-family-home suburbs but the extent to which they can ruin your quality of life is reduced.
        ShabbosGoy 9y ago
        +1 to most of those on your list. When I lived in Mountain View, my apartment was located on the middle floor. I consider myself a night owl, but my neighbor who lived upstairs liked to practice playing the drums at 5 AM in the morning.
- pm215 9y ago
  I think working from home some days changes the dynamic potentially quite a bit. I have a relative with a ludicrous commute from Lincolnshire down to London -- but they only have to do it one or two days a week I think.

Just Re: the "think of the children" angle. My commute is 2 hours and change, each way; I'm out of the house for a little over 12 hours a day. My job is flexible, so I can leave for work at a little before 9 and return home a little after; I can also work from home 1 day a week. This amounts to being away from home ... about 50 hours a week, 60 when I go into the office all five days. Is this forum really going to tell me being out of the house 50 or 60 hours a week is excessive? Compared to a parent who has to work 2 jobs, or who has a job that requires long shifts, or who has to be away from home for weeks or months, a well-managed long commute hardly interferes with a family life at all.

dyeje 9y ago
In the original comment, the person speaks about being commuting to work or at work literally all their waking hours. That's the scenario, not 50-60 hours a week.
morgtheborg 9y ago
> Compared to a parent who has to work 2 jobs, or who has a job that requires long shifts, or who has to be away from home for weeks or months Yea, those are shitty for family life too.
accountyaccount 9y ago
I work 9-5 with a 30 minute commute and see my kid for about 2 hours a day during the week. If you leave at 9 I imagine you get some morning time, so maybe that's your time (and you'd get probably roughly 2 hours there?). Totally cool if that works. I grew up with a single mom who worked 60+ hours a week and I really only spent time with her on weekends. In retrospect I wish I had parents around when I was growing up. She didn't really have a choice, and she feels the same way I do about it — we wish it was possible. I don't want to criticize someone's life and what works for them too harshly, since this is just my personal experience, but I've been on the side of the child and the parent in a situation like this and I didn't like it on either end.
- ryandrake 9y ago
  I have what people would probably describe as an extreme commute. 2+ hours each way (maybe 1.5 hours in the summer when there's less traffic). I leave the house before kiddo wakes up and am usually back after she goes to bed. It sucks. But my spouse is stay-at-home which is barely do-able financially in the Bay Area. I think it's important to let my kid have her own room and sharing walls with neighbors sucks, so apartments and townhouses are not acceptable. I'd move elsewhere but there are very few areas in the country that actually have more than a handful of good tech jobs that are also close to housing.
  - Sorreah 9y ago
    What's wrong with living close to people as a kid? This line of thinking is entirely new and really foreign to me. Even my grandparents, and the people around them, living in a tiny town and owning quite a few large pieces of land chose to build their homes close to each other. Sharing walls even. How is not seeing your father better than sharing a wall with someone?
    - ryandrake 9y ago
      Sharing a wall means becoming a recipient of whatever sounds and smells my neighbors (whom I cannot choose) decide to let emanate. My family has lived in apartments/townhomes and had to deal with, among other things: * Deep wall-shaking bass music * Game show TV turned up to the highest level, at 3 in the morning * The smells of fried rotting fish heads * Power tools * Continuous dropping of items ranging from silverware to books to unidentifiable large metal objects onto tile (shared ceiling) * A vast variety of sex noises * The smells of sewage backed up into a bathroom * Horse-like foot traffic on a set of shared wooden stairways late into the night (drug deals going on upstairs) Never again. Yes, you can have shitty neighbors in the single-family-home suburbs but the extent to which they can ruin your quality of life is reduced.
      - ShabbosGoy 9y ago
        +1 to most of those on your list. When I lived in Mountain View, my apartment was located on the middle floor. I consider myself a night owl, but my neighbor who lived upstairs liked to practice playing the drums at 5 AM in the morning.
pm215 9y ago
I think working from home some days changes the dynamic potentially quite a bit. I have a relative with a ludicrous commute from Lincolnshire down to London -- but they only have to do it one or two days a week I think.