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“Our little guy goes to bed at 9 p.m., which is not so cool, but he loves the backyard and neighborhood, so it’s completely worth it.” I somehow feel that havi

by fhood 9y ago

“Our little guy goes to bed at 9 p.m., which is not so cool, but he loves the backyard and neighborhood, so it’s completely worth it.” I somehow feel that having a backyard does not justify leaving before your child wakes up and returning after he goes to bed.

usefulcat 9y ago
Speaking as a parent, I absolutely agree.
- hudibras 9y ago
  Speaking as both a parent and a former child, I also agree.
brudgers 9y ago
I don't disagree that it sucks. On the other hand, if a person has a job where working is part of their commute then there may not really be a tradeoff...the hours on the train answering email and making calls and banging at the laptop could just be hours at the office if it's still a ten or twelve hour a day job.
laumars 9y ago
It very much depends on how valuable your time with the kids is. How many days of holiday do you get and do you spend nearly all of the weekend playing with the kids? I only have a 45min commute and I still only get to spend around 1 to 2 hours with my kids during the week. Some days I'm too tired to even make best use of my time with them. I'm currently looking for a new job in London which will put my commute just shy of "extreme commuting" knowing I might not see much - if any - of my kids during the week. But I can live with that because of the opportunities it creates for our family and the most valuable time I spend with them is the days I don't work anyway.
- zanny 9y ago
  It isn't about you, it is developmentally harmful to children to only ever see one of their parents. Even just seeing the father at breakfast and dinner for 10 minutes of chatting is magnitudes better. Even if your routine gives you extra days, the younger the children the more consistency is important. Having 3 days to see your children and 4 where you are missing from their lives can cause developmental complications even if it is done for noble causes.
  - bb611 9y ago
    The scientific data on this is at best controversial, there are plenty of studies claiming the effect is real, and a bunch of counters that the data is fundamentally flawed in complex ways, and doesn't appropriately account for a lot of other variables that can affect child development. It is also likely that high income offsets many of the most correlated negative effects, i.e. educational attainment. My first career was in education, I worked with and saw many kids with a breadwinning parent who was absent most of the week, and they generally developed on the same spectrum as parents of equally present two parent households. Anecdotally, my mother worked extremely long hours from her first child (I'm the youngest of my siblings by a decade) until I was a teenager, I routinely only saw her to say goodbye in the morning and on weekends. My siblings and I all ended up pretty far ahead on any developmental scale you choose, even though we basically only saw her on weekends.
  - laumars 9y ago
    My point was looking at it from the benefit of my kids. Weekdays my eldest wants me to run around the garden and play with him when I get home. Most weekdays I'm too knackered to really maximize my time with him which sometimes leaves him thinking I don't want to play with him. I would gladly work longer hours but see less of him during the week if it means I get more days off because the time I spend with him will be more positive overall.
mpd 9y ago
I cringed so hard when I read that line in the article. This is a "Cat's in the Cradle" situation in the making.
criddell 9y ago
You don't know anybody that works long hours because they prefer to spend time in the office rather than with their family? I sure do.
Bedon292 9y ago
Its not just about the yard though. There are many other factors to it. It is a balance of a lot of things. Schools, safety, privacy, space, cost of living, ability to save for their future, ability to save for retirement, pollution, and plenty more factors. If I can either spend $3000 a month on a for a tiny two bedroom apartment 30 minutes from work. Or spend half that and get a bigger house with a yard, and have to commute an extra hour. You bet I am going to take that extra commute. There is less pollution, less noise, and just as good an education system. And that is $18,000 a year that can be spent on family vacations, college, or retirement. Then again I am a second generation commuter, and that is just how life is to me. So maybe I have it wrong.
- forg0t_username 9y ago
  If you spend 1h30 each day commuting with a car, you are the reason why there is pollution in the city.

by fhood 9y ago

usefulcat 9y ago

Speaking as a parent, I absolutely agree.

hudibras 9y ago
Speaking as both a parent and a former child, I also agree.

brudgers 9y ago

I don't disagree that it sucks. On the other hand, if a person has a job where working is part of their commute then there may not really be a tradeoff...the hours on the train answering email and making calls and banging at the laptop could just be hours at the office if it's still a ten or twelve hour a day job.

laumars 9y ago

It very much depends on how valuable your time with the kids is. How many days of holiday do you get and do you spend nearly all of the weekend playing with the kids? I only have a 45min commute and I still only get to spend around 1 to 2 hours with my kids during the week. Some days I'm too tired to even make best use of my time with them. I'm currently looking for a new job in London which will put my commute just shy of "extreme commuting" knowing I might not see much - if any - of my kids during the week. But I can live with that because of the opportunities it creates for our family and the most valuable time I spend with them is the days I don't work anyway.

zanny 9y ago
It isn't about you, it is developmentally harmful to children to only ever see one of their parents. Even just seeing the father at breakfast and dinner for 10 minutes of chatting is magnitudes better. Even if your routine gives you extra days, the younger the children the more consistency is important. Having 3 days to see your children and 4 where you are missing from their lives can cause developmental complications even if it is done for noble causes.
- bb611 9y ago
  The scientific data on this is at best controversial, there are plenty of studies claiming the effect is real, and a bunch of counters that the data is fundamentally flawed in complex ways, and doesn't appropriately account for a lot of other variables that can affect child development. It is also likely that high income offsets many of the most correlated negative effects, i.e. educational attainment. My first career was in education, I worked with and saw many kids with a breadwinning parent who was absent most of the week, and they generally developed on the same spectrum as parents of equally present two parent households. Anecdotally, my mother worked extremely long hours from her first child (I'm the youngest of my siblings by a decade) until I was a teenager, I routinely only saw her to say goodbye in the morning and on weekends. My siblings and I all ended up pretty far ahead on any developmental scale you choose, even though we basically only saw her on weekends.
- laumars 9y ago
  My point was looking at it from the benefit of my kids. Weekdays my eldest wants me to run around the garden and play with him when I get home. Most weekdays I'm too knackered to really maximize my time with him which sometimes leaves him thinking I don't want to play with him. I would gladly work longer hours but see less of him during the week if it means I get more days off because the time I spend with him will be more positive overall.

mpd 9y ago

I cringed so hard when I read that line in the article. This is a "Cat's in the Cradle" situation in the making.

criddell 9y ago

You don't know anybody that works long hours because they prefer to spend time in the office rather than with their family? I sure do.

Bedon292 9y ago

Its not just about the yard though. There are many other factors to it. It is a balance of a lot of things. Schools, safety, privacy, space, cost of living, ability to save for their future, ability to save for retirement, pollution, and plenty more factors. If I can either spend $3000 a month on a for a tiny two bedroom apartment 30 minutes from work. Or spend half that and get a bigger house with a yard, and have to commute an extra hour. You bet I am going to take that extra commute. There is less pollution, less noise, and just as good an education system. And that is $18,000 a year that can be spent on family vacations, college, or retirement. Then again I am a second generation commuter, and that is just how life is to me. So maybe I have it wrong.

forg0t_username 9y ago
If you spend 1h30 each day commuting with a car, you are the reason why there is pollution in the city.