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You don't get to set the bar for her. That's something she was reserving for the most special people in her life, he took it from her, despite clear protestatio

You don't get to set the bar for her. That's something she was reserving for the most special people in her life, he took it from her, despite clear protestations, and it felt like he faced no real consequences for it. I can see how that could leave one with a pervasive feeling of disempowerment and victimization.

coldtea 9y ago
>You don't get to set the bar for her. Words have meanings, just because someone interprets them in their own way, doesn't mean they can claim X when it's not considered warranted. So regardless of this particular case, we can, and do, society collectively does set the bar for what can be considered X or Y -- and someone can argue based on that. (That said, grabbing her hand and not letting go despite attempts to free it, and groping her body, clearly fits the bill for sexual harassment and a stressful situation).
- maym86 9y ago
  Not for medical issues. You, or I, or anyone else on here doesn't get to say she doesn't have PTSD. That's up to a doctor.
  - coldtea 9y ago
    If I'm allowed to be pedantic, and going beyond the story under discussion, people can (and should be allowed to) disagree even for medical issues. It's not just blind trust to whatever diagnoses doctors do. Talking of course here for "soft" diagnoses -- few would disagree with an actual physiological diagnosis of a medical problem. Until a few decades ago, homosexuality was a disease that was OK to be cured with things like electroshock treatment. Heck, people had lobotomies inflicted upon them, in the 20th century, for all kinds of BS reasons. Here on HN too, many will attack the prevalent over-prescription of drugs and diagnoses of ADHD to children.
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- greglindahl 9y ago
  Have you ever looked at the definition of assault and sexual assault? Because those words have meanings, and typically definitions of sexual assault include groping as an example. Not just "sexual harassment and a stressful situation".
  - coldtea 9y ago
    Not the legal one, besides it's not the same in each jurisdiction/country. According to Wikipedia: "Harassment can include "sexual harassment" or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature." and "It includes a range of actions from mild transgressions to sexual abuse or sexual assault." I referred to a "stressful situation" in justifying the PT(S)D claim, i.e. to say that this was indeed stressful (as I explicitly say), whereas you seem to be in the impression that I said it to downplay the incident.
- abalone 9y ago
  You are being pedantic. Clearly the bar getting set in this case is what degree of sexual assault is traumatizing. That is a personal issue, even within our collective society, and you don't get to set that for the victim. Pedantry over trivial side issues serves to distract from the primary issue at hand, which, as another commented, doesn't make your priorities look so hot.

coldtea 9y ago

>You don't get to set the bar for her. Words have meanings, just because someone interprets them in their own way, doesn't mean they can claim X when it's not considered warranted. So regardless of this particular case, we can, and do, society collectively does set the bar for what can be considered X or Y -- and someone can argue based on that. (That said, grabbing her hand and not letting go despite attempts to free it, and groping her body, clearly fits the bill for sexual harassment and a stressful situation).

maym86 9y ago
Not for medical issues. You, or I, or anyone else on here doesn't get to say she doesn't have PTSD. That's up to a doctor.
- coldtea 9y ago
  If I'm allowed to be pedantic, and going beyond the story under discussion, people can (and should be allowed to) disagree even for medical issues. It's not just blind trust to whatever diagnoses doctors do. Talking of course here for "soft" diagnoses -- few would disagree with an actual physiological diagnosis of a medical problem. Until a few decades ago, homosexuality was a disease that was OK to be cured with things like electroshock treatment. Heck, people had lobotomies inflicted upon them, in the 20th century, for all kinds of BS reasons. Here on HN too, many will attack the prevalent over-prescription of drugs and diagnoses of ADHD to children.
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greglindahl 9y ago
Have you ever looked at the definition of assault and sexual assault? Because those words have meanings, and typically definitions of sexual assault include groping as an example. Not just "sexual harassment and a stressful situation".
- coldtea 9y ago
  Not the legal one, besides it's not the same in each jurisdiction/country. According to Wikipedia: "Harassment can include "sexual harassment" or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature." and "It includes a range of actions from mild transgressions to sexual abuse or sexual assault." I referred to a "stressful situation" in justifying the PT(S)D claim, i.e. to say that this was indeed stressful (as I explicitly say), whereas you seem to be in the impression that I said it to downplay the incident.
abalone 9y ago
You are being pedantic. Clearly the bar getting set in this case is what degree of sexual assault is traumatizing. That is a personal issue, even within our collective society, and you don't get to set that for the victim. Pedantry over trivial side issues serves to distract from the primary issue at hand, which, as another commented, doesn't make your priorities look so hot.