4 ms·

Honestly, this is a failure to write for your audience. This is not an exercise in creative writing, you aren't trying to create atmosphere, you're trying to c

by Sleeep 9y ago

Honestly, this is a failure to write for your audience. This is not an exercise in creative writing, you aren't trying to create atmosphere, you're trying to convey information. That sort of writing requires sentences that are direct and to the point. I will be reading that page because I'm interested in working for Stripe and want more information that helps me decide if I want to, not for entertainment. So I want to know the facts. The facts we're conveyed perfectly by the GP in bullet points but your sentences put more emphasis on Latvian can drivers' families. When I read this I'm trying to achieve something, I am thinking about working at Stripe right now, so when I'm reading this I don't care about Latvian can drivers. What I do care about "highly mission critical operation."

stephenhuey 9y ago
Perhaps he was speaking more to me then. I find his description more compelling for me than emphasizing "highly mission critical operation" because I've worked for a giant bank, and I know they care about keeping track of money, and I do too of course if I'm being paid for it, but I personally am even more motivated if I can see how it relates to real end users whose faces I can envision.
- Sleeep 9y ago
  The thing is, information is being lost in the wordy, flowery prose. The GP said three bullet points were missing when they actually are supposed to be there. I also felt like I missed a lot reading through it and I felt like I should start taking notes to see what it actually says. That's not good.
  - Animats 9y ago
    That's a good point. Microsoft's mission statement was once "A computer on every desk, running Microsoft software". Mission accomplished in the 1990s.
csa 9y ago
It seems like you and Stripe may not be a good fit due to (at a minimum) significantly different values and perspectives on standards of organizational communication. Patio11's response is stated at a reasonable level of abstraction, and he even explains why he does so. I can understand if that's not your style, but you might want to consider that some people consider his comment to be a very clear reply with actionable information.

by Sleeep 9y ago

stephenhuey 9y ago

Perhaps he was speaking more to me then. I find his description more compelling for me than emphasizing "highly mission critical operation" because I've worked for a giant bank, and I know they care about keeping track of money, and I do too of course if I'm being paid for it, but I personally am even more motivated if I can see how it relates to real end users whose faces I can envision.

Sleeep 9y ago
The thing is, information is being lost in the wordy, flowery prose. The GP said three bullet points were missing when they actually are supposed to be there. I also felt like I missed a lot reading through it and I felt like I should start taking notes to see what it actually says. That's not good.
- Animats 9y ago
  That's a good point. Microsoft's mission statement was once "A computer on every desk, running Microsoft software". Mission accomplished in the 1990s.

csa 9y ago

It seems like you and Stripe may not be a good fit due to (at a minimum) significantly different values and perspectives on standards of organizational communication. Patio11's response is stated at a reasonable level of abstraction, and he even explains why he does so. I can understand if that's not your style, but you might want to consider that some people consider his comment to be a very clear reply with actionable information.